Very hard..

   Had a long talk with a work buddy today and I've fought back tears all day. Read over her court papers with her and just listened to her. I cannot fathom why people hurt each other so badly, hurt their kid. Unfortunately I've also seen in with some family members in the case of divorces and I just don't get it.
  Divorces are hard. On the adults, on extended family, on children. But I sat there listening to the raw hurt in her voice, her eyes fighting back tears..and that fright in her eyes..killed me. She's a hardworking woman who deeply loves her child. Her ex has pushed her left and right trying to control the situation and was using the grounds of needing more time with his child to take her to court, again. Then when he thought he had her against the wall the truth came out..he didn't want more time with his child he was willing to forgo any extra time with his child if she would simply erase all the money he owed to her, erase the medical bills he was responsible for and let them significantly drop his child support!  In black and white he was putting a value on his child. The same child he has allowed to be abused, the same child he's ignored all his activites, the same child that he "forgets" to feed, to bathe when it's his weekend. My heart was breaking because I had seen that look many years ago in my very close family member when dealing with her ex husband.
  It's easy to sit back and say what you would do, how you would feel...but you are not in their shoes. Silently I was thankful to have a loyal, good husband and the stability my child needed. I also thought how much strength this woman must have to keep her emotions hid and her feelings hid from her child. Here I have a man that ever single night kisses our daughter on the cheek good night. That cried the nights he had to be in the hospital because he had never been away from his daughter overnight...that called her every night on the phone and she played in his room every day, often curled up on his lap in his bed watching tv. How many wonderful things that I've taken for granted over the last five years...that so many woman deserve and need!!!
  How can anyone , man or woman (and I use man in this blog only because it's her ex...we have some men in our family that are dealing with some awful women..so women can suck at parenting just like men!!) create a child.. their flesh and blood...and deny that child? How can you actually sit down and let a lawyer create a spread sheet that tells you as the Dad that you should get a 10 discount simply because you have that child 2 days every other weekend and you should get the bonus of less child support ..and not feel that you are prorating your parenting? That Mom doesn't get a discount for having the child the other 13 days! How can you look a judge in the face and say "That's my son. I'll give up the extra time I requested if I can get out of my share of his ER bill"?
  How does the Mother of that child keep the strength to try to be positive with her child? My cousin did it for over 10 yrs till her children became teens and realized their Dad was...a donor only. Then once your child realizes it how to you mend that heart, how do you stop those tears?
   It has been on my mind since our talk. I cannot imagine packing my child's bag and sending her away every other weekend. And I admire parents that do have to do that and keep their strength...and the parents that work it out so the child is well loved everywhere! I cannot imagine sitting home on Saturday night worrying that my child may be getting hurt or not fed...and the court saying if I keep her home I might be in contempt! I cannot imagine constantly being monitored by an ex thug of a husband that tries every day to catch you in a mistake or bends something as simple as your child climbing in bed with you into something immoral and disgusting.
  As I stated my heart breaks for her. When you find out you are pregnant no matter the circumstances you feel excited. Then when you feel that baby move for the first time..your heart skips a beat. During labor you gather your strength because YOU are bringing forth a new life and already the Mamma bear is in action. The second you hear that small cry....your life is never the same. Your heart grows tremendously, your love knows no boundaries and your defense is always going to be for your child.
  You can put a booboo on a cut. You can give your little one a cookie to cheer them up on a rough day. You can tell your child that there is no boogie man under their bed. But what do you do when the true monster in your child's life..is their father (or mother)?
  

Long fun weekend :)

  Snow still hanging around but the cold has at least gave us a break. Saturday we bundled Kaya up and the two of us ..me and Kaya..had a ball sledding and playing in the snow. Steve had to set out that round due to the temp was just low enough to bother him. I'd rather he take a day out of fun then spend a whole day or more miserable. But Sunday we had another light dusting, with higher temps and Daddy joined us for a round of sledding, snow ball fights and making snowmen. Kaya did awesome rolling a HUGE snowball all over the side hill..it was so heavy she couldn't lift the thing LOL Steve showed her how to start at the top of the hill and build up her snow ball then let it roll down the hill and gather more snow. She thought he was a genius :)
  Saturday Kaya got to experience snow whirlwinds and she was amazed. The wind was strong enough it would shoot behind the house and up over the hill, creating whirlwinds of snow. If it started at the top it would dance them all the way across the hill, change direction and then smack into the side of the house. Kaya's face when she got hit with the first one was priceless lol She stood there with her eyes on the snow and goes "This is...beautiful". :) I love how she can appreciate the beauty in the smallest of places, in the smallest ways.
  Great weekend of outside fun. At one point I sat on the slide and Steve put him a lawnchair in the sun and we sat and talked while Kaya played. It was so nice to see the sun and actually FEEL it this weekend.
  Thankful for every minute we have together :)

Another year older

  Well I turned another year older today. I know some gripe about getting older but if you think about it it's a privileged denied to many. So I'm thankful to turn another year older.
  Kaya stated that my bday parties for myself are always lame lol Gotta love 5 yr old logic on parties. Explained to her that it's cold, the weather has not been awesome all week and at my age it's not a biggie to have a big get together. That we do cake and supper out when we are all off.
  My work buddies did awesome...tons of happy Bdays, cookies and mini cupcakes. Very touched they all thought of me and the goodies were good!
  Then home to lots of messages from friends, a card in the mail and a homemade peanut butter cookie cake from Steve and Kaya. Kaya did great decorating it with a number 4 !!! candle and snowflakes :) She made me a homemade telescope out of a papertowel tube ;) and Steve had previously given me a primitive star with a heart he cut out himself and Kaya helped paint. I'm very lucky to get such heartfelt gifts!!
  Texts from my two best friends, my fave lil cousins and my brother rounded out the day. I made a pan of homemade enchiladas tonight (we are all going out to eat together next week), got in my pjs early this evening and have  enjoyed a nice evening of hearing the Birthday song SEVERAL times from Kaya :)
  All around wonderful bday :)

Last day of vacation

  You'll notice there are not as many exclamation points and smiles in the paragraphs describing the last day of vacation like there was the one saying first day of vacation lol But such is life I suppose.
  It has been a wonderful week. I got lots marked off my to do list, lots cleaned out but most importantly lots of family time, snow ball fights and laughter. Lots of hugs and snuggles. Lots of talks. Just time well spent.
  Sunday of the last day of vacation (sometimes just any ole Sunday of the weekends I'm off lol) are sometimes a little bit harder. Sunday has always been one of my fave days of the week. As a child it meant lunch at Granny and Grandpas then supper at my other grandparents, lots of cousin time. As an adult it meant lunch at first grandparents and reading the papers, watching political shows with my Grandpa and then a visit to my other grandparents, and still adult cousin time lol Times are a bit different now but I still enjoy a nice Sunday. But having my own child, my own life I realize how precious those two days are that we call the "weekend". I've also learned that "weekend" isn't always Saturday or Sunday but whenever you are off work and together!
 I can say we squeeze the most out of our days period and vacation is no different. A winter vacation isn't always as much outside time but it's still a lot of fun. Plus while everyone else was trudging out in the cold and snow for once I got to stay in where it was warm and snuggle etc or go out and have fun in the yard but not HAVE to get on the roads.
  I'm very thankful for a job that allows me vacation time and for two partners in crime lol that make anytime fun :)

Why I dread research

  Whenever I can I try to research any new info on MS, any new holistic/diet/supplement news and I read the MS medical site. I like to keep up on meds coming into the arena, any new things that work for others. Steve's research on B12 is how we found that MS eats your B12 from your body and even though you test fine or even just a tad low taking a monthly injection increases your energy. Thankfully his dr was game to give it a try and he does that shot monthly, his MS shot every Sunday evening. I try to find foods that are also good for stomachs since I worry that weekly big dose of Ibuprofen along with other medicine otc he takes for headaches etc may wreck havoc on his stomach lining with time.
  Most times I like doing research and feel enlightened, hopeful. I'm a firm believer knowledge is power and with a chronic disease it is not only power but may be a lifesaver. And if I don't understand the disease then I can't be Steve's side kick to fight it..and I can't be an education source for those that need info like we did..and still do!!
  Sometimes I'll hit on a MS blog that has no reality to us. People will blog their mean hateful spouse is cheating on them due to them (the mean person) having MS. It's not MS..it's the person's flaw. Hateful, morose blogs don't fit in our life..they are unrealistic and have no benefit to us. Sometimes I hit a blog that is inspiring and makes me feel like "we got this". And then..sometimes...I hit blogs that turn me inside out. I stumbled onto one today. After a few posts I could feel the tears working in my eyes. After a few more I could feel the acid in my stomach turn. A few more and I vowed to stop reading..the pain of what could be too realistic. But another part of me compelled me to read it.
  The blog writer was in his late 30s to early 40s. His life mate was a happy go lucky guy of the same age, good health, and both lived life happy, traveling, gardening, you name it. Then his mate got sick and was hospitalized and diagnosed with MS. The dr gave them the pep talk "MS does it's own thing. Each case is individual. This could happen, this can happen..we really don't know what will happen. Take your meds, watch stress, exercise." blah blah. Unfortunately the man's MS vamped into a severely fast moving progressive form. It talked about how it went from tiredness and a limp to bedridden to a motorized wheel chair. Within a year give or take the man was not doing well and was hospitalized numerous times for infections, sickness and till his feet no longer would stop hurting, his legs continued to ache...till finally the last infection landed him in an ICU room..and the blog ended with the man in a hospice building and finally dying.
  Oh my. I know that the man's form of MS is rare...people can have MS for years and never know it medically. But the blog hit my feelings on the head when the survivor said "I became an addict..and addict to the garden, an addict to my routine." When Steve was diagnosed Kaya and I literally lived in the garden. Her playing in the yard with me or in the garden with me. It became my focus because I could control that garden, pull those weeds..I could NOT control MS, Steve's situation. When the meds made horrible mood swings and every noise set him off..I couldn't control his emotions. He was never mean to us just constantly edgy while his body adjusted to a foreign medicine. But I could control that dang garden.
   The blog hit me hard too because it showed a raw side of MS that many do not know. People our age don't think about having that talk about funeral plans. They don't have the talk we had with what we would do if meds became out of our reach, or he reacted badly too many of them. Many our age haven't discussed if another child is possible and if we should take that leap...with the fear of eventually their mate not walking while still having a kid and possibly a baby. We have broached a lot of subjects that couples our age give no thought too. At first I felt alone. My friends husbands are healthy and they have never had any medical issues. But they have never once fell away from us or the disease and are there every step of the way. My friends at work are our rally squad :) and often lift me up more than they know. My dear friend had a husband battling a serious disease that ended in his death much too young and she became my strength. I saw how she held herself and never stopped loving life or those around her..and that strength..strengthened me.
  I'm thankful that our blog has happy posts. We have our days where Steve aches. He has a limp now that gets worse when he's tired or the weather is nuts. He has to stretch in the mornings to keep his muscles flexible some days..other days he can be fine. But he constantly has MS. We just don't let it become our focus. A family member once said how health issues are..and I want so badly to tell them that surgery can fix what they have, rest can give them a new outlook..NOTHING will cure MS. At least not yet.
 So life has settled down for now. We still have insane medical bills but without insurance we'd be sunk. That is only one price of the disease. And that we can have on paper, budget and pay..and control. That is probably the only area of MS you can control.
  Kaya, being 5 sees life how it is. "We are a happy happy  family. Daddy is my superhero he just has to have a nap sometimes. He has a disease but it's not contagious."
  Man, that speaks volumes huh? He has a disease but it's not contagious. It's not contagious. I rolled that over in my mind. Nope, it's not contagious. You won't get MS by sharing cups, by holding hands...and we don't allow MS to be contagious in our lives! We don't let our lives be lead and ruled by MS.
  So the blog made me cry, it made me say a silent prayer for the MS fighter in the stories and one for his loved one left behind. It made me realize that there are folks out there that feel like I do. And they feel sometimes the way I do with the same guilt. I often worry am I doing enough, am I supportive enough. I worry if I have a tired night or if I come off as mean to Steve. I once told  his family that I can't be like them and always be sweet and say it's ok I HAVE to be the one that says "Ok, enough. Pull your big boy undies up and lets get onto the next project".I can't let him wallow or feel low for too long. And I'm thankful for the hugs I get from Steve.
  I was thankful for the blog in the fact that it showed me how well we do have it. Steve is an active person and very lucky to have a good dr team and the urge to do what he needs to do. He knows he can't let the disease have an inch. He has to keep the upperhand. He's still a strong man physically and MS rarely slows us down unless super cold or super hot. We simply refocus and do things a different way :)
  When he put his arms around me and apologized for this disease I told him. Don't ever apologize for things out of your control. I love you warts and all and I want you to love me warts and all. Besides..I got to keep him he builds the coolest things lol ;) 

Reality hits lol

   For some odd reason my mind wondered over some posts online and then it hit me..I am almost certain round up for Kindergarten is in April. APRIL!! Like 2 1/2 months from now April! So of course freaking out inside I do what every normal woman does lol I text my brother in Cali and my two best friends. Mind you my two best friends, even though my age, both have older kids. One's son was 21 in Jan and the others son was 18 lol so I'm the one with the "baby" per say. So I often turn to them for life phases advice lol and general venting. Friendships that have spanned almost 29 years or more..yep I'm one lucky lady :)
  Anyway I text my brother in Cali with the message "I think April is Kindergarten roundup!!!" to which he responded "Ok that is great." To which I frantically text "WHAT!!!??? Did you read that whole text? I have..a hive!" ( I get hives when I'm very stressed/nervous..sometimes just one and sometimes many more!) I could see him in my mind laughing on the train into LA over his sister's panic lol and that made me laugh ;) He text back and said "I read it. Kaya is awesome. She'll do great. You will do great". Texts came back from my best buds..one saying her eldest son was giving her some issues with college, the other friend saying her only son was leaving the nest in less than 7 months and we all need to get together ASAP and vent lol Those two always make me smile.
  In truth I know Kaya will do great. Do I have some worries? Yes, Kaya isn't always the typical 5 yr old girl and I cherish the fact that she is 100% authentic. But I know school isn't always easy for the "authentic ones". I know her school will be much, much larger than the school I attended but I'm thinking that will shock me, not her as it's all she'll know unless we move to a smaller school system or go private school etc.
  I've always said that I will bend and be fluid..not some rigid stick in the mud parent that thinks everything is freak out worthy but I can admit letting my baby leave the safety of our house, our care, our guidance has made me wake up 3 times in the last couple of months in a cold sweat. But I have to deal with it and not let Kaya know that I worry. I have to be fluid and go with the flow or I hold up her progress. Even if it's hard to smile and say it will be great.
  She did ask if other kids laugh at her what should she do. We told her flat out the truth. That once in awhile someone will make fun of you, someone will tease you and some will even laugh out loud but guess what it's their issue not hers. That I have been teased, that Daddy has been teased..that even today we as adults have dealt with other adults that thought name calling or degrading a person was how you handled something. We told her to let it roll off her, be nice to people and if the kid makes her uncomfortable or threatens her to immediately tell her teacher and us. Then adults will take it from there. (Inside I was screaming.."I will rip that little bully's face off and stuff it in his Mamma's purse" lmbo but I can't let Kaya think you can think that way lol)
   So hive went away,laughs came and my brother had several wonderful texts taunting me LOL
 

Day One of vacation

 Well day one has been a hit :) Honestly I could sit on the couch staring at the ceiling and as long as I was home with my family I'd be happy lol so to some our daily lives may seem odd or boring but it's "us" and it's perfect for us and we strive to improve, enjoy and be in the present every day!
  Today I decided to tackle Kaya's toys. We had done the garage totes before Cmas but her room and toy box needed some TLC. Plus she is a mini hoarder lol She loves to keep every box from every toy and will often say "Do we really need to throw that away it has to have another use??!!" Granted I know she picks up some of that from us due to we reuse a lot of things or build one thing out of another thing but there are limits! lol
  So we tackled her inside toys and her space looks awesome!! Bags(the child loves gift bags) all put inside one bag and stored in her closet. Toys back in the box and her desk cleared off. Her dollhouse put in "her" order furniture wise lol
  I can say at first it wasn't easy with a sidekick questioning each item but then it got easier. I was also lovingly woke up EARLY by her saying "we need to get up. Are you ready to get up?" lol so it took me a bit to get into the groove.
  But it looks awesome now. Even made her a reading spot complete with her overstuffed chair/footstool and lamp. She REALLY liked that :)
  I also had my yearly drs apt today and since I've had 4 yrs of good exams after I had my LEEP procedure I can now just do one part of the exam every 3 yrs so that is a plus. My bpressure was good (that was my worry...I had been having issues with it in the late fall) and I have lost 10lbs :) So I'm chalking it up as an excellent visit. Steve says I'm adopting his let things go philosophy and that is what helped my bpressure lol I do think in the last 2 mo or so that I have felt that inner stress relax.
  We drove down to my Dad's today for a visit since the weather was nice and Kaya had been wanting badly to see her Pappaw. It was a nice visit. Her Pappaw surprised her with a keychain (she loves them lol) and a new pick for her guitar! She had fun playing checkers, visiting and playing with his dog. We staked out where we are going to do our big garden down there, where we are putting out rabbit traps and how we want to do our chicken house down there. We are going to have a small one here and a bigger one down there :) Dad is going to take care of it all during the week since I can't drive down there every evening but we'll do the weekends etc then we will share out of it. I'm hoping to get enough to put up lots of juice etc. Eventually we want to expand down there with fruit trees so we can do our own preserves etc.
   Then back home for date night. Sad little eyes, big hugs and we managed to have a curly headed chaperone. lol We decided to do tonight as family date night and do our date night later in the week. We are not huge eat out people so it's a treat for Kaya too. We chose Chinese and had a great time. I had to laugh when she told me "I'm glad you got to go on mine and Daddy's date." :) She simply adores him and him her. She always tries new things when we go out and she did pretty good. I had to laugh when she bit into the middle of one and it was not what she thought it was LOL
  Wrapped up the evening by letting her pick out a free kids movie at the rental store and we got a movie to watch later too.
  So it's been a great Monday :) I have some to do items on my list for the week but fun is one of the main things :)

I...We..made it :)

  When that clock hit 2pm this afternoon (Weekends are a lovely 5am to 2pm shift) I was literally skipping out of work. As Kaya would say "We made it Mamma..it's vacation time!"
  There are no huge plans for vacation other than being home. We may work on the pantry but that will depend on how Steve feels. If he's up to it then that is one project we may start. I will have to paint the wall behind where we take the counter out so that will require it to dry etc. So we'll see.
  I do plan on purging out some things and getting some to do things marked off the list. I have a drs apt on Monday but other than that there is no schedule the whole week.
  I told Kaya we are tackling toys...she said that was not the fun idea she had lol I also told her she could go with me to deliver a baby blanket we made :)
  We may go to see her Pappaw, may take her out to eat and we may do a date night. Rare occurance around here lol We also have to lay out how we are going to do the garden and get some seeds ordered.
  Mainly I am just going to enjoy being home with my sweet family :)There really is nothing like it :)

Kaya's cooking show

Kaya has been having a ball making pretend videos lately and she has been doing her own cooking show. She'll pull her footstool up to the counter, get out the mixing bowl and utensils and pretend cook. She talks as if she's hosting a show, talks about her ingredients etc. It's adorable to listen to. Tonight she said she was measuring out butter...just a pat she said of yellow butter ;) and that she had one retainer cup of milk. Explained to her that it was a measuring cup and she goes "I call it a retainer cup because it retains the milk. That is the right use of the word right?" I had to smile. Yes it was! Her thought process always keeps me guessing.
  I also love to listen to her when she "cooks" or plays...often as parents we don't realize how much our children "watch and learn" from us. She will repeat the same things I do or Steve says and it's cool to see her remember those things/moments. I'm also thankful that she has her own twist on things and always keeps life interesting!

One of those weeks..

  It has been one of those weeks. One of those weeks where I find myself taking a few extra breaths, adjusting my outlook on life, and pulling up the big girl panties so to speak.
  It's just been one of those weeks where Steve has felt awful. His dental work is still giving him issues and he's on syringe number two for dry sockets. Add into that that the cold stiffens him up and he's felt more tired and forgetful this week. It comes and goes from time to time and is one of the lovely things with MS. We've found that he just writes down important messages or relays them immediately to me at work so I know what is going on. Thankfully it's just a sometimes thing and usually only with phone calls.
  Work wise I'm flat into a 7 day stretch. I try to keep seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...vacation!! :)...but 7 days stink lol Kaya HATES them with a passion. By Saturday she's thinking I need to take Sunday off. I remind her I only do them once a month. Work has went smoother since the weather has calmed and holidays are done. Even delivery guys are happier lol so that's a plus.
  So I've found myself mentally listing that I am a pretty lucky woman. Really who else in the world has the curly headed miracle I have snuggled up on my lap? Yes, every mother has their own miracle and every single one is special...but your own child is indeed the one miracle no one else has! So I have a beautiful little girl that is full of spunk, good health, giggles and a bit of sass. Even on her trying days..and there has been some in the last few weeks...her strong headness reminds me of how lucky I am to have a child that will hopefully never be pushed around. Who else has the husband I have? Yes all us married gals have a great husband in some form...but mine is mine lol Even on our hardest days we still make each other smile over something even if it's some silly thing like our tortoise kicking it's back leg like a dog when we pet it LOL Who else has the life I have? Yep every single one of us have our own personal lives, our own system, our own awesome way of living...but no one has MY life.
  Maybe sometimes we should all look at it that way. No one in the world is lucky enough to have exactly what each of us has. We all have different styles, different meals, different home lives, different work and the list goes on...but we each have our own special life.
   So tonight while I'm feeling tired and a bit on the stress side ;) I'm thankful to have what I have.

Crazy weather

  2014 has started with a bang! Weather reports have been going crazy with the snow amounts and I often wonder why MORE people don't worry about the cold number! -35 here tomorrow with the wind-chill factor! That means a lot of bundling up for work since I'm not tucked into a warm cozy office lol But very thankful that I am not out in it like street/highway workers or utility workers!
  The Almanac forecasted higher precipitation amounts and cold to very bitterly cold temps for 2014...I guess no one read that huh? lol
  Snow doesn't bother me too much but I don't want a ton of ice/sleet mix.
  They have changed us I believe I counted 7 times since last night. We are suppose to get less than an inch of snow today or 1 to 3 inches or 3 to 5 inches or 7 inches or maybe 8. None of them can agree on the amount. Now I did like the map that showed how many loaves of bread you may need...that was cute :)
  People have went nuts clearing completely counters in the stores, pushing, shoving and being rude. Some stations up north have ran out of gas. People were going nuts for "more eggs, more coffee, more toilet paper" when I ran into the store yesterday to grab mushrooms for a pizza I was making.
  Snow I can handle but I wonder if people really give thought to the temperature. -35 will kill a pet or a human fast. I wonder if they are in such a frenzy to check on their elderly neighbor or to make sure if they see the neighbor kid out in it to watch to see if he/she gets home ok? To check and make sure that people are safe and warm.
  I'm very thankful for heat and for the luxuries I have.

New Year

    Well 2014 is officially here. I know many have wished 2013 out the door with the idea that 2014 will be "the" year. But..to be honest every moment...good or bad..makes your year, your life, your memories. Granted different folks face different things but I personally err on the side that life happens for a reason. You can sit and wish it away, sit and worry, sit and complain..or stand up, face it , count your blessings, see the light and keep going!
  I don't do New Year resolutions. Never have. There is nothing wrong with them but I always feel like so many people make them to turn and break them in a few weeks. Then they feel stressed and like a failure or they never start them and feel bad. I'd rather just chalk it up to a new year of making goals, making memories, enjoying life. 
  I've decided this year that I am holding true to the saying "Sometimes you have to stop sailing oceans for people that won't jump puddles for you". It's been in my mind for a bit and at the end of 2013 it stuck to me alot. That and the fact that I've heard the same 2 songs on the radio every day this week...and to me that is a sign that what I think is right lol May sound silly but I'm going with it :)
   I've found if you try to be a good parent many overlook your family. They feel they don't need to say encouragement, check on you or offer anything because you are "such good parents". In a way yes that is nice but sometimes it gets old very fast that sucky parents, immature adults having kids..are constantly ran after and praised for every miniscule thing they manage to do. 
  I've found that I don't force my religious beliefs down anyone's throats and I don't judge others religious beliefs and in turn that turns some people away. I can listen to what anyone has to say and I don't have to demean how they feel to make myself feel "right"
  I've found that since we don't put on "airs" that some have a hard time with us. I won't talk behind someone's back and then smile to their face. I won't cast a judgement on someone when I don't live their life or I have did the same thing myself. I don't act one way with one group, another with another. I am just me, my family is just themselves. We are quirky, funny and sometimes off the wall....but we are honest, we are real and we are all heart. 
   I've found that standing up for my family has caused issues. At first it bothered me...now I realize it's the OTHER people's issues. I won't ever sit back and let anyone tread on someone I love. And I will not sit back and think someone else is going to control my home, my marriage or my life. What is between these four walls is our business and we don't do others drama.
   I've also found that MS is the ultimate litmus test. It isn't just a chronic disease..it's a test of who will stand beside you when times are hard. When I've needed someone this last year..I was amazed at the ones that stepped away from us. Maybe it's their ignorance of the disease, maybe it's how they handle it..I don't know. I just know that I have a very clear picture of who we have in our lives.
  My little family in the last year has been left out, ignored and at times treated as if we are the issue or that we should handle other's issues...and that is not how we treat others.
  For a long time it made my heart sad and finally was starting to make me bitter....then I realized that I don't have to approve, I don't have to smile and go along with things...but I have to forgive and move on or it affects me, not them. 
  So for now on we are not doing all the contacting, we are not doing all the filling in, the leg work. Between texts, phones, email and the ability to visit...some others are going to have to learn to ask how we are, to involve us or they can figure out why we are not there. I'm no longer going to be upset over months of being ignored, of Kaya not being included or treated the same as others, or hurt because I only have a limited group of people that I CAN rely on...I'm simply going to enjoy my little family, our time together and keep on being me!! I can't change someone else's way of thinking, I can't make them apologize for something they do not see as wrong but I can change how I react and how I let it affect us.
  2014 will be another year of triumphs, defeats, love, memories, laughter, worry, hard times and lean times.....but that is life. And I fully intend to enjoy every second of it!! :)