Today is our 6 yr anniversary. Funny how this morning is starting out the same way it did 6 yrs ago..overcast and rainy. Hopefully it will shape up weather wise into the same beautiful day we had that day! Can't believe we've been married 6yrs together almost 9. We've had some big hills to climb, some serious things in our life, lots of joy, the birth of a beautiful little girl..and we've done every single step as a team. We often as women think of anniversaries as "our day" and alot of people think in terms of gifts. When really it's a couples day and the gift is right there on your left hand. Women tend to feel a man has to always show appreciation and we often expect it in the form we want...when sometimes it comes as a simple "great meal" or "Love you". We also need to show appreciaton for our husbands. Without them we are not a complete unit, we would not have our child(ren) and our lives would be different. I'm thankful for Steve's calm, blunt nature that balances out my sometimes worrisome nature. For his loyalty, his love, his ability to always see me in the "can do anything" light. For his confidence, for being my shoulder and my rock. For being a good husband and a fine Daddy. So here's to many more years of happiness and laughter :) In turn husbands need to remember to appreciate their wives and I'm very lucky to have a hubby that does :)
Easter is today and we decided to break kosher and do it our way. Steve's family doesn't include us on this holiday, one of us in the house usually has to work and we don't really do much on this holiday with my family..sooo why not do it how we want :) We decided no huge meal with ham etc but instead we are grilling everyone's favorites. Big red hotdogs for my Mom, ribeyes or sirloins for me, my brother and Kaya, and a porterhouse for Steve. Going to fix a few sides, a pan of homemade brownies and that is going to be the meal. Need to finish up some stuff in the house (I know I know..but starting a 7 day work week tomorrow I have things that have to be done and it was too pretty to be cooped up all day yesterday!) May go visit my Dad depending on how Steve feels (Last night was shot night and he worked outside all day....) Other than that just us here together. :)
My Lent project was interesting. Did I do perfect? No. Did I have a few upsets? Yes..one minor, one major. Did I learn anything about others and about myself? YES. Am I going to stick with it? Yes. My minor breakdown lol came from just being tired and letting others get under my skin. My major one came from being fed up with certain ones that ignore us till they need us and making me feel like a tiny dot on the map. But I redirected and got back in line (after a little venting to the hubby lol). I realized that I felt horrible and upset but they sure didn't. Why let someone else's emotions rule MY day and emotions? I have found out in the last 40 days that there are some in our life that love us but will not extend a hand/voice unless we always make the first step. When I stopped making the first step they found out that we would not hang onto their every word, do as they say and think as they think we should. I have found there are some that do not expect us to fix everything..it was ME that felt that need. All in all letting go of others issues/dramas has made me happier. Do I still get upset? Oh yes I cannot stand users and hypocrites. And I cannot tolerate someone that feels the need to dictate another person's life or makes someone feel low simply because opinions are different. I've also learned that I love people for who they are because I want to be loved that way. They may not do as I think they should..but I love them for them. I cannot change them, I cannot fix them and it's not my place to try. We all live different lives, different issues. As long as I go to bed every night with a clear soul that I have lived my life correctly and treated others how I would want to be treated...then I am happy. :)
Happy Easter to everyone!!!
Kaya Rain
Our beautiful daughter.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Day before Easter
Kaya was super excited to dye Easter eggs. We went with the kool-aid method and it worked really well. Smelled pretty great too lol We used cherry, lemon lime, strawberry, grade, berry blue and tropical punch. If you stired it up well then let the eggs sit in the mix for a bit, rolled them and let them sit again they made some interesting designs. Kaya gave it a big thumbs up :) Her Easter is stashed and ready for Easter day (Giant purple bunny holding a purse..in the purse is a chocolate baby Chick, mini Cadberry eggs and a new pink plaid skort and tshirt :)
We also went out last night for our anniversary since it is actually on Easter day this year. We had a great time. Went to a local bbq joint and it was great service, awesome food and good prices (even better we had a 10 dollar giftcertificate lol). Afterwards we took our time at Lowes with no little voice asking what every single item is (Kaya stayed with her Mammaw W and her Uncle). Figured out a few projects we are going to do. It was nice to just talk.
Some people think your anniversary has to be a huge expensive meal, some far flung couples trip or that it has to be ubber romantic with all the shindigs. That is fine if that is what the couple wants. We just enjoy being together, enjoy each other's sense of humor and enjoy the love we have for each other.
Kaya was certain she should get to come...since we "do everything as a family Mamma!!!" Good point but Mommy and Daddy deserve some time out too. We rarely get date night so we enjoy it when we do.
After we got home our neighbors invited us over for a bonfire in their fire pit to roast marshmellows and the kids to color eggs. It was a nice time. Steve grew up with the guy and knows his parents well. We just had fun. Another big thing today was letting Kaya walk across our yard to the neighbors house by herself (we could see her) and play for about an hour. To some that may seem small but she has never got to do that and to be honest..I felt like puking a time or two lol but they all played well together and she was invited back anytime. I know it's good for her to have friends but it's also slightly hard to just let your kiddo be at another's house. But she had fun, didn't complain when it was time to come home. :)
Saturday, March 23, 2013
March is MS Awareness Month
March is MS Awareness month. I will admit as a family (as a person) that we didn't know too much about it other than it was a rough disease with no cure. But now that it's in our life front and center we know alot about it. It's not only chronic with no cure but sometimes to the naked eye it is invisible. Which leads to judging, opinions etc from the peanut gallery. I thought how would I approach MS Awareness? I could list statistics, medicines, routines. Or I could educate from speaking about how it affects us.
MS is a silent, invisible disease that usually appears out of nowhere. It's simply your body turning on itself and eating the protective sheaths off nerve endings. Depending on where it decides to dine during the episode ..will tell you what will happen. With Steve we never noticed the subtle signs (tiredness, leg aches, sleepless nights, headaches etc) because they are easily wrote off as something else. Then when the nerve that was hit was a speech nerve...we knew it was something serious. Once the sheath is eaten away at..the antibodies move on to another before the first one can fully heal. Antibodies are constantly looking for a food source (sounds gross I know but easiest way to describe it) and when they eat away completely at main nerve then you have a relapse..then a remission as your body tries to heal. Sometimes it's speech, sometimes walking, bladder etc. Sometimes your body heals completely sometimes not.
But what MS boils down to is being tired. Dealing with medical bills,insurance companies, shot companies, using a recycling company for used pens, shots, steroids, researching the latest item that might work. It's a diagnosis but not a death sentence. It's a Daddy that still is Superman to his baby girl..he just flies a bit slower some nights. It's pacing yourself when you have never paced yourself, realizing you just have to take a nap, it's altering plans on bad days. It's being lucky to have a spouse that understands and can pick up the riegns on family life and make things work. It's being lucky to have a child that understands sometimes Daddy's legs are tired or that sometimes he needs to sit a bit. It's dealing with people's opinions on a subject they do not live with, telling you to exercise more (not realizing that you do it every day) to eat this/not eat that. It's not being lazy. It's facing head on a situation that can make or break your marriage, your self esteem and your confidence. It's having family back off because they don't understand and if they don't see it..it doesn't exist. It's friends no longer calling because they think "you can't do anything". It's trying a new medicine that makes you feel like crap in hopes it staves off a relapse..or shunning new meds to try a homeopathic way and then worry that you might miss the "one" medicine that could have worked. It's supplements and vitamins. It makes you appreciate those that stand beside you, those that care enough to check on you/ask how you are..and it's learning that some never realize it's a disease BUT IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE in every single instance. Do we know that we won't hike the Grand Canyon in four hours? Yes...but it doesn't mean we WON'T hike it (we will just do it on our terms :) ) It affects your life in every instance. Will we have another child? Will the next treatment break the bank? Will insurance pay for this or that? Will this place take our insurance?
But honestly what MS boils down to is..a human trying. It doesn't shorten your life expectancy unless you have the last stages/roughest type. But all forms of it CAN shorten your life expectations unless you decide how to face it. We dealt with a tremendous amount of fear, anxiety, stress for almost 5 solid months. We faced the diagnosis, the bills, the shots, the anxiety over the shots, the training course, juggling my work to be there as I have to be trained as well, worry over how Kaya would take it, the hospital stay..and then when the shots started..we dealt with mood swings out the roof. The meds would make Steve so stressed that sitting a pan down wrong on the stove would upset him. The steroids made him fly like a hummingbird till the crash came...such high doses they do to prep your body for MS shots etc also cause you to withdrawal for a few days and become very emotional and upset over small things..all the while not feeling like he could get out of bed. It was him apologizing for getting upset, then being upset for being upset!! It was him having anger over the fact that I had to do all the outside stuff once dead heat of summer came on because he simply could not get out. But it was also the time we found out just how much we love each other, how strong we are and that we are in this (and every single thing) together! That Kaya knows Daddy has to do his shot on the weekend so if he has a side effect he can rest while I'm home and be ok to take care of her come Monday. She knows that Daddy is the same Daddy he just "has tired legs" :)
So I believe MS awareness just has to be taught by speaking the truth, listening to others that have it and how they cope...and by people asking questions. I wish some (especially family) would see that you can ask instead of pretending nothing is wrong.
MS is a silent, invisible disease that usually appears out of nowhere. It's simply your body turning on itself and eating the protective sheaths off nerve endings. Depending on where it decides to dine during the episode ..will tell you what will happen. With Steve we never noticed the subtle signs (tiredness, leg aches, sleepless nights, headaches etc) because they are easily wrote off as something else. Then when the nerve that was hit was a speech nerve...we knew it was something serious. Once the sheath is eaten away at..the antibodies move on to another before the first one can fully heal. Antibodies are constantly looking for a food source (sounds gross I know but easiest way to describe it) and when they eat away completely at main nerve then you have a relapse..then a remission as your body tries to heal. Sometimes it's speech, sometimes walking, bladder etc. Sometimes your body heals completely sometimes not.
But what MS boils down to is being tired. Dealing with medical bills,insurance companies, shot companies, using a recycling company for used pens, shots, steroids, researching the latest item that might work. It's a diagnosis but not a death sentence. It's a Daddy that still is Superman to his baby girl..he just flies a bit slower some nights. It's pacing yourself when you have never paced yourself, realizing you just have to take a nap, it's altering plans on bad days. It's being lucky to have a spouse that understands and can pick up the riegns on family life and make things work. It's being lucky to have a child that understands sometimes Daddy's legs are tired or that sometimes he needs to sit a bit. It's dealing with people's opinions on a subject they do not live with, telling you to exercise more (not realizing that you do it every day) to eat this/not eat that. It's not being lazy. It's facing head on a situation that can make or break your marriage, your self esteem and your confidence. It's having family back off because they don't understand and if they don't see it..it doesn't exist. It's friends no longer calling because they think "you can't do anything". It's trying a new medicine that makes you feel like crap in hopes it staves off a relapse..or shunning new meds to try a homeopathic way and then worry that you might miss the "one" medicine that could have worked. It's supplements and vitamins. It makes you appreciate those that stand beside you, those that care enough to check on you/ask how you are..and it's learning that some never realize it's a disease BUT IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE in every single instance. Do we know that we won't hike the Grand Canyon in four hours? Yes...but it doesn't mean we WON'T hike it (we will just do it on our terms :) ) It affects your life in every instance. Will we have another child? Will the next treatment break the bank? Will insurance pay for this or that? Will this place take our insurance?
But honestly what MS boils down to is..a human trying. It doesn't shorten your life expectancy unless you have the last stages/roughest type. But all forms of it CAN shorten your life expectations unless you decide how to face it. We dealt with a tremendous amount of fear, anxiety, stress for almost 5 solid months. We faced the diagnosis, the bills, the shots, the anxiety over the shots, the training course, juggling my work to be there as I have to be trained as well, worry over how Kaya would take it, the hospital stay..and then when the shots started..we dealt with mood swings out the roof. The meds would make Steve so stressed that sitting a pan down wrong on the stove would upset him. The steroids made him fly like a hummingbird till the crash came...such high doses they do to prep your body for MS shots etc also cause you to withdrawal for a few days and become very emotional and upset over small things..all the while not feeling like he could get out of bed. It was him apologizing for getting upset, then being upset for being upset!! It was him having anger over the fact that I had to do all the outside stuff once dead heat of summer came on because he simply could not get out. But it was also the time we found out just how much we love each other, how strong we are and that we are in this (and every single thing) together! That Kaya knows Daddy has to do his shot on the weekend so if he has a side effect he can rest while I'm home and be ok to take care of her come Monday. She knows that Daddy is the same Daddy he just "has tired legs" :)
So I believe MS awareness just has to be taught by speaking the truth, listening to others that have it and how they cope...and by people asking questions. I wish some (especially family) would see that you can ask instead of pretending nothing is wrong.
Spring is here..at least for a day :)
An absolutely beautiful Spring Saturday. Trying to not look at the weather report for tomorrow (we could get anywhere from flurries/rain mix up to 6 inches give or take of snow) as the weather lately has been insane.
Spent this Saturday with Kaya having visits with her Grandma Teresa and her Pappaw Wade. We worked at Dad's (Pappaw Wade's) for a bit hauling off stuff since the weather was nice. Got alot done today and it's shaping up!
We have been outside all day and Kaya is in heaven. The child has been in garden beds, found worms (nice and comfy in their bug box home..complete with dirt and grass), helped us dig out the drainage ditch, found the mud puddle from where Daddy washed off the rototiller, and basically had a ball all day. While at her Pappaw's she explored the pond (from a safe distance back lol) listening to the frogs,(she wants to go gigging this spring/summer but I'm not sure she'll be all for it once she realizes you EAT the frogs lol) watching the water for frogs/fish/tadpoles you name it. She went on adventures with her new watering can (it was her Nanny's and Dad let her have it..sorta bittersweet to watch her pretend watering flowers when Granny used that thing so much!!) Dad started to throw away an old corn slicer not knowing what it was so it's now going in my kitchen. I have one I use (fyi: a corn slicer is a simple slat of wood with a hole edging in it that contains 2 razor blades. Pull your corn across it in one direction you will have kernel corn to can/freeze/eat...pull it another way across it you will make cream corn) when we do corn in the summer but having an old one that was Granny's is nice. I probably won't use it but will put it up on my cabinet tops where I have my other valuable to me items :)
We tried out the new tiller and other than Kaya disliking the noise she gave it thumbs up on the dirt it made haha We gave it 2 thumbs up on being easy to use and a nice beast on our hard ground. Will definitely pay for itself in short order with gardens going in soon. So nice to not have to do it by hand etc and we chose a propelled one due to Steve's legs wearing out faster than they use to. We have several projects lined up for its use.
Loved seeing one curly headed girl with dirty hands, dirty clothes and lots of giggles head to the bath tub this evening. We even had a picnic outside!
A very wonderful Saturday in deed :)
Spent this Saturday with Kaya having visits with her Grandma Teresa and her Pappaw Wade. We worked at Dad's (Pappaw Wade's) for a bit hauling off stuff since the weather was nice. Got alot done today and it's shaping up!
We have been outside all day and Kaya is in heaven. The child has been in garden beds, found worms (nice and comfy in their bug box home..complete with dirt and grass), helped us dig out the drainage ditch, found the mud puddle from where Daddy washed off the rototiller, and basically had a ball all day. While at her Pappaw's she explored the pond (from a safe distance back lol) listening to the frogs,(she wants to go gigging this spring/summer but I'm not sure she'll be all for it once she realizes you EAT the frogs lol) watching the water for frogs/fish/tadpoles you name it. She went on adventures with her new watering can (it was her Nanny's and Dad let her have it..sorta bittersweet to watch her pretend watering flowers when Granny used that thing so much!!) Dad started to throw away an old corn slicer not knowing what it was so it's now going in my kitchen. I have one I use (fyi: a corn slicer is a simple slat of wood with a hole edging in it that contains 2 razor blades. Pull your corn across it in one direction you will have kernel corn to can/freeze/eat...pull it another way across it you will make cream corn) when we do corn in the summer but having an old one that was Granny's is nice. I probably won't use it but will put it up on my cabinet tops where I have my other valuable to me items :)
We tried out the new tiller and other than Kaya disliking the noise she gave it thumbs up on the dirt it made haha We gave it 2 thumbs up on being easy to use and a nice beast on our hard ground. Will definitely pay for itself in short order with gardens going in soon. So nice to not have to do it by hand etc and we chose a propelled one due to Steve's legs wearing out faster than they use to. We have several projects lined up for its use.
Loved seeing one curly headed girl with dirty hands, dirty clothes and lots of giggles head to the bath tub this evening. We even had a picnic outside!
A very wonderful Saturday in deed :)
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Vacation...
Just the word alone makes me smile..makes my family smile :) One writer said you should live your life as if you never need a vacation but lets be honest.. no one is going to live that life unless they are rich or hit the lotto lmbo so you take life as it is.
I worked 7 days straight and started vacation on Monday. Monday after 7 days is always a tired day...and I get aggravated at myself for feeling tired. I know silly...working 7 straight, working at home, being a Mom/wife etc, doing chores,errands....the list adds up in 7 days and some nights little sleep..but I still get aggravated at myself for feeling tired.
So vacations are always nice. Even though I tend to drive Steve nuts (lmbo) because I am not a sit and relax person unless the whole family is doing it. I have learned when Kaya wants to snuggle dishes can be done later. That the floors not being swept on a pretty day (when we are out playing) is not the end of the world. But I am just a doer type in most areas of my life. So having Steve to remind me to sit and read or just talk etc is nice. He teases me but when doing a project he's a slave driver and is the most meticulous man you'll meet so he really can't poke fun at me :)
Anyway...vacation so far has been awesome. No bedtimes for me , no set schedule for things to do...just rolling with the flow and enjoying it.
Monday was catch up day. Kaya jumped out of bed with huge eyes, put her arms around my neck and said "You are home Mamma! I love days like this" :) :)
Tuesday we went for a drive, ended up eating a great lunch at a Mom and Pop dinner then bundled up and spent the afternoon at the State Forest playing. Think it did us big kids some good too :) Kaya was amazed at how high her uncle could swing and that her Mammaw was brave enough to go down the big slide lol Then to the little lake to skip rocks, look for frogs/fish etc and have fun. We didn't get back till later in the evening and it was just a nice day.
Not sure what else will be on the agenda this week but awesome just being together. I'm thankful for a job that has vacation time so I can have extra time home. Kaya telling me that her favorite surprise is always me being home :) warmed my heart.
Last night as Kaya sat playing in the floor she looked up and said "I'm so happy. So happy to be with my family" :) Not much better than that. Anytime I doubt myself I can hear those words and realize I may not be able to fix all the world's problems, I may not be perfect...but I'm a hero to one person :):)
I worked 7 days straight and started vacation on Monday. Monday after 7 days is always a tired day...and I get aggravated at myself for feeling tired. I know silly...working 7 straight, working at home, being a Mom/wife etc, doing chores,errands....the list adds up in 7 days and some nights little sleep..but I still get aggravated at myself for feeling tired.
So vacations are always nice. Even though I tend to drive Steve nuts (lmbo) because I am not a sit and relax person unless the whole family is doing it. I have learned when Kaya wants to snuggle dishes can be done later. That the floors not being swept on a pretty day (when we are out playing) is not the end of the world. But I am just a doer type in most areas of my life. So having Steve to remind me to sit and read or just talk etc is nice. He teases me but when doing a project he's a slave driver and is the most meticulous man you'll meet so he really can't poke fun at me :)
Anyway...vacation so far has been awesome. No bedtimes for me , no set schedule for things to do...just rolling with the flow and enjoying it.
Monday was catch up day. Kaya jumped out of bed with huge eyes, put her arms around my neck and said "You are home Mamma! I love days like this" :) :)
Tuesday we went for a drive, ended up eating a great lunch at a Mom and Pop dinner then bundled up and spent the afternoon at the State Forest playing. Think it did us big kids some good too :) Kaya was amazed at how high her uncle could swing and that her Mammaw was brave enough to go down the big slide lol Then to the little lake to skip rocks, look for frogs/fish etc and have fun. We didn't get back till later in the evening and it was just a nice day.
Not sure what else will be on the agenda this week but awesome just being together. I'm thankful for a job that has vacation time so I can have extra time home. Kaya telling me that her favorite surprise is always me being home :) warmed my heart.
Last night as Kaya sat playing in the floor she looked up and said "I'm so happy. So happy to be with my family" :) Not much better than that. Anytime I doubt myself I can hear those words and realize I may not be able to fix all the world's problems, I may not be perfect...but I'm a hero to one person :):)
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Being Happy
I thought this was an interesting point and topic..for Moms, women and humans in general. So many people put emphasis on being happy in a situation when Happiness isn't an occurrence it's a state of mind!
So I thought I'd approach the list and see how I do as a person, as a Mom, with a daughter and as a wife.
1. A hard one I think for most people. Women I think in general have a harder time being wrong (I'm not bashing women etc...just being honest) because we have to strive 10 times harder than a man to prove ourselves..and when we are wrong it seems like a big downfall. But I'm doing alot better at realizing I'm not always right..and life is a learning process. If I know everything and am always right on every subject I'll never see another persons point of view etc. As a Mom I have to realize at times I'm not always right. Maybe how I see things will change as my child grows and becomes her own person. Having a daughter I want her to know that being right all the time isn't humanly possible and isn't a let down to be wrong. As a wife...you realize that your upbringing and way of seeing things do not always match your spouses. SO what is right for you in a situation was not right for him.
2.VERY hard one for me. I'm super independent and have been a control person for as long as I can remember. I'm a fixer/doer type of personality and allowing someone else the reigns can make me feel uncomfortable. But I have really worked on this one. I've learned you cannot control others, situations or life..and if you focus on that..you'll die from stress. As a Mom I've learned that control has it's place but you can't focus entirely on being the control factor in the relationship. You have to pick your fights and prioritize your life. I want Kaya to realize she can be strong without having to have total control of every situation. To learn that she can hand the situation to someone else from time to time without seeing herself as being less of a strong woman. As a wife..MAJOR issue I had to deal with. Steve is more from a traditionally male oriented family whereas I came from a family where the women spoke their minds when they wanted. Thankfully Steve doesn't hold to all that masculine bs but it wasn't till he told me that as a husband he feels like a failure sometimes because I figure out every situation and never let him be the man and stand up for me etc. That sorta hit me about how I have always been the one to just do things and letting someone take up for me, speak for me etc was hard. I realized what a hypocrite I was being if I didn't let Steve be the man in the house (not control and set every rule etc...but be my mate) then I was missing out on the important part of a marriage...protection and security..and someone to back me up. So I'm much better on that now.
3.Has never been an issue. I believe in taking responsibilities for my actions and always have. I also expect it from others...even though it doesn't always happen.
4.BIG one with me. I'd never utter a mean word or a judgmental word about anyone else ever...but I realized that I do it about myself at times ..especially when frustrated or stressed. I never thought too much about it till one night Steve told me"I hate when you get aggravated and cut yourself down. You have so many awesome qualities but when you get frustrated you only see the bad things in yourself. Would you want Kaya to repeat those words about herself?" BAMMMM Hit me like a brick. As a woman I set the tone for how society and my family see me..and other women. As a Mom to a girl..I set the tone on how she sees herself and talks about herself. As a wife it's important to lose that negativity because it not only creates unneeded stress in a marriage..but also devalues all the things that Steve DOES see in me and how he feels about me.
5. and 6. not an issue for me
7. I gave that up years ago. I try to not criticize others because I am sure I have areas others can criticize me about. I may not always understand why people do what they do but that is for them to figure out and fix. My happiness cannot rely on others happiness.
8. I don't think I ever truly felt a need to impress others. I've always been me and the people that I love and love me..love me for that. I want Kaya to know that she can be happy in her own skin and if others don't like it let them be uncomfortable. This is not a cookie cutter world. As a Mom I see so many other Moms stress about milestones, stress about what this group is doing or that group is doing, worried about "looking" a certain way...and it's an utter waste of time and energy! Your kid is not going to be like the neighbor kid and that's fine. If you spend your waking hours impressing others you will be wore out from being fake all the time. As for marriage..impressing others doesn't help your marriage. I'm lucky Steve is a "this is me..like it or stay away" type person and has no problems standing up for himself or his family.
9. I have resistance issues lmbo but only in the sense that when I step out of my norm I worry that I will fail. Then I realized that I cut off my legs before I ever start and set myself up for failure by worrying I will fail. Vicious cycle! I've been focusing on the fact that if I don't try to do a few things differently then I simply settle for things as is. I will be teaching Kaya to never venture out in a new direction and that change is bad. So I've been doing some things differently and trying new routes. Even thinking about going back to college and that is a HUGE fear of mine!! As a wife..failure to change can stagnate things quickly because both man and woman fall into a rut. Shaking things up sometimes is a good thing.
10. Have never been a label user! HATE labels to be honest. I hate when other Moms dictate what is a Mom. I hate when society says what a working Mom is, what a woman is, what a wife is. NOONE and I repeat NOONE is in your home, in your life and in your head 24/7 so noone has the right to tell you how you are. As a Mom I don't want Kaya labeling religious people as one thing, different races as this, different thoughts as weird, different lifestyles as shameful etc. I want her to realize it's not her place to label anyone and she should never allow herself to be labeled. I hate words that end in isms...like feminism,racism etc ..instead of mass labeling yourself why not just be the best you can be? As a wife you can't get too thick with labels or you will stress your marriage.If you allow yourself to label in your head what a man is, what a husband is...then you are creating a situation that forces your husband into something he may not be. And would you like it if he did that to you? Exactly.
11. I honestly have very little fears (besides the normal ones we all have) but one fear is taking that first step. So I'm working on that. I want Kaya to see that fears hold you back but you can use them to force you to be stronger. As a woman I think we all fear certain issues but we have to make ourselves do it or we will live a life thinking "Why didn't I " instead of "I did it".
12. I'm not a huge excuse person but I find on certain subjects (we'll use going to college) I can find excuses "I work" I have a kid, I will fail cause I'm tired, I won't give Kaya the time she needs" when in reality...it's none of those things that is my excuse..it's simply being afraid to leap. As a Mom I don't like when Kaya makes excuses for her behavior so why should I allow myself to do it? And I wouldn't want Steve to make an excuse for what he does etc.
13. I had an awesome childhood. I'm very lucky. But if I hold onto any bad things from the past (we weren't the Waltons lol ) then it can ruin my present and my future. In parenting, marriage and life you have to realize challenges and rough spots in the past gave you the character you have now..and move on.
14. To be honest I don't have materialistic attachment to things....and I sure am not giving up family lmbo so we will strike this one from everyone's get happy list LOL
15.I can admit I use to worry that how I led my life would upset others. That my grandparents/parents would frown on say me and Steve living together even though we were engaged. I worried that if I didn't do things a certain way I'd hurt others. So much to a point that I started to feel like the things I did for others was expected and it hurt. Then I realized it was ME that allowed what others MIGHT think or expect out of me to take precedent over my own feelings. Since those days I've found that I can do as I please and it only involves me, my husband and my daughter. I only have them to answer to on decisions that would affect our family...and I've learned to let others think what they want. As a Mom I don't want Kaya thinking that she has to live life just one way or she's not loved. As a wife it is hurtful to my husband to think we can't do what we want if it would upset someone else. So we live our life for us. I'm lucky that meddling family members have been put in their place and either they got mad or they kept their nose in their own business. My grandparents didn't freak out like I thought they would. And my Mom has always said "I loved you the second I knew I was pregnant. I loved you the second I held you. I may not always agree but you'll have my love forever no matter what"...and I want that motto to be my life with Kaya as well :)
Soooo maybe I'm not batting 100% on every single little item..but..we are happy. We live in the state of mind that today is today. If it rains it's a bad day. Not a bad week, not a bad life. We are genuinely happy. I'm blessed to have my daughter..such a large chunk of my heart walking about! I'm lucky to have my husband..a man that is always my rock,my shoulder, my hero. Our home is not huge..but it's HOME. Being happy is wanting what you have not having what you want. It's sitting on the porch swing with a glass of sweet tea, my legs propped across Steve's lap, grubby from working in the garden and laughing at Kaya jumping on the trampoline. It's going to work even on hard days because I know it's the way it is and that I am a vital part of this family. It's treating my coworkers nice because it's not their fault Steve had a bad shot night and we got very little rest. It's being thankful for the awesome coworkers I have and how much they care/love my family. It's having family and marrying into a family I truly love...and even though we are not alike..we just love each other and move on. It's accepting that I cannot allow others emotions rule mine..and I'm not apologizing anymore for being happy, having a good life, having a good husband etc. It's realizing that happiness is not one size fits all. My happiness may not be your happiness. It's realizing some days life truly does pee in your cereal..but you get over it. I hope everyone reaches that mental state of happiness.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Kaya cracks me up...and another one of my babies sigh..
Kaya has always had a good vocabulary but sometimes the words don't come out..just right ;) Lately she has taken to speaking very adult like and explaining things in detail. I can handle that MUCH better than her valley girl voice, complete with hand twirling in the air saying "um yeah" every few words. She knows that will get her told very quickly that the conversation is done. Unless she's just kidding around.
I had to laugh as one night she came to my side of the bed. She wanted to have some girl talk and hopped onto the bed. I asked her what was wrong. "I've been very pentsive". I explained to her that the word is pensive and it meant to think hard on something serious. She responded "I know what it means. I have been thinking hard. That's what I said..I'm pentsive". I had to smile. She had the right grasp of the word just not the right saying.
Another big event is our baby cousin (sigh..not such a little baby any more) is preparing for prom!!! So weird when she sent me a picture on my phone of the dress she had picked out. Here was my baby girl that I had helped raise since she was barely 3 yrs old...looking like a beautiful young lady. Not easy. Twisty messed up curls replaced with intentional highlights and flat ironed straight hair. A dirty little face replaced with makeup..but still those adorable freckles poking through. I can say she's always stayed true to herself..she could care less if she's "in style" and has just always been herself..standing up for things she thinks is right and caring very little about those that care very little bout her. To say I'm proud of her is an understatement. I'm equally proud of her big brother..another one of our babies :) He will be attending prom as well and I'm glad big brother will be there to keep an eye on her (even though she hates when we say that!)
In some ways the kiddos have sorta trained me for being a Mom. I've seen one go from a tiny, curly headed strongheaded little girl that was never afraid to get dirty to a beautiful young lady full of heart (and still hard headed LOL). E has went from a quiet backwards little boy that couldn't stand to even think someone might be upset...to a handsome young man that stands up for his Sis and for what he thinks is right..and found his voice along the way to also stand up for himself.
They broke me into how it was to have a sick kiddo, to be up all hours of the night, to just stop and have fun...and then I faced their anger/unhappiness and tears dealing with their less than stellar father, to family issues...then to nerves when E took his first drive all the way to our house from his!!!!....now prom. Eventually it will be graduation, the move to college and my babies even though always my babies in my heart..will have their own lives and events. I just hope we are still as close as we are now.
So in many ways I thank them for giving me an idea of what it was to parent and broke me in for Kaya...but just as I shed tears of pride and happiness with their events..I know I will even more so with Kaya's.
Funny how one picture sent to your cell phone of a beautiful young lady in a beautiful dress...can make you think back to her sitting on the front room couch (face covered in chocolate), to her learning to ride her first bike, to having my brother sleep in the doorway of their room because she was sick and needed him there...to picnics on the top pasture. Funny how one picture can make you count your blessings even more..and realize just how precious love is...and time as well.....
I had to laugh as one night she came to my side of the bed. She wanted to have some girl talk and hopped onto the bed. I asked her what was wrong. "I've been very pentsive". I explained to her that the word is pensive and it meant to think hard on something serious. She responded "I know what it means. I have been thinking hard. That's what I said..I'm pentsive". I had to smile. She had the right grasp of the word just not the right saying.
Another big event is our baby cousin (sigh..not such a little baby any more) is preparing for prom!!! So weird when she sent me a picture on my phone of the dress she had picked out. Here was my baby girl that I had helped raise since she was barely 3 yrs old...looking like a beautiful young lady. Not easy. Twisty messed up curls replaced with intentional highlights and flat ironed straight hair. A dirty little face replaced with makeup..but still those adorable freckles poking through. I can say she's always stayed true to herself..she could care less if she's "in style" and has just always been herself..standing up for things she thinks is right and caring very little about those that care very little bout her. To say I'm proud of her is an understatement. I'm equally proud of her big brother..another one of our babies :) He will be attending prom as well and I'm glad big brother will be there to keep an eye on her (even though she hates when we say that!)
In some ways the kiddos have sorta trained me for being a Mom. I've seen one go from a tiny, curly headed strongheaded little girl that was never afraid to get dirty to a beautiful young lady full of heart (and still hard headed LOL). E has went from a quiet backwards little boy that couldn't stand to even think someone might be upset...to a handsome young man that stands up for his Sis and for what he thinks is right..and found his voice along the way to also stand up for himself.
They broke me into how it was to have a sick kiddo, to be up all hours of the night, to just stop and have fun...and then I faced their anger/unhappiness and tears dealing with their less than stellar father, to family issues...then to nerves when E took his first drive all the way to our house from his!!!!....now prom. Eventually it will be graduation, the move to college and my babies even though always my babies in my heart..will have their own lives and events. I just hope we are still as close as we are now.
So in many ways I thank them for giving me an idea of what it was to parent and broke me in for Kaya...but just as I shed tears of pride and happiness with their events..I know I will even more so with Kaya's.
Funny how one picture sent to your cell phone of a beautiful young lady in a beautiful dress...can make you think back to her sitting on the front room couch (face covered in chocolate), to her learning to ride her first bike, to having my brother sleep in the doorway of their room because she was sick and needed him there...to picnics on the top pasture. Funny how one picture can make you count your blessings even more..and realize just how precious love is...and time as well.....
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