Hit the pumpkin patch..

   Wonderful Saturday spent at the pumpkin patch. Hit it as soon as it opened, and other than being a bit warmer than usual (we normally go mid Oct) it was a great time!! Kaya of course had to pose in every cutout, ride a wild Mustang that had been rescued from Nevada, ride the pumpkin train around the farm, popcorn, slide down the massive slide,checked out the farm animals, played in the "corn box" (instead of sand they have corn lol) and then take a hayride out to the pumpkin patch. We have always teased Steve about his quest for the biggest pumpkin lmbo This years crop was smaller but he found a 21 pounder and said "this tiny one will have to do"..he cracks me up. Kaya found a smaller squash and went with that. I chose a white pumpkin this year.
   On the way back home stopped at a historical park nestled back in the rural area and had a picnic lunch. Kaya loved it. It's a very peaceful place.
   Today we had to round out our jumpstart into fall with a visit to our favorite apple/produce place. Kaya selected her apples, a gallon of fresh applecider, we had to get the handmade caramels for Steve and both had to have a caramel apple :) It's officially fall at the Hacienda...we have pumpkins, gourds, caramels, caramel apples....a new recipe going in the crockpot (tangy pork loin that I'm serving with garden fresh corn on the cob, garden fresh sweet potatoes, our homegrown tomatoes) and started the day out with a morning treat: homemade cherry cheese danish :) No complaints.
  Sooo now we are geared up for fall. :)

Did I mention we love fall? LOL

 

Local pumpkin patch

Indian corn hanging to dry

Cornfield with barn in the distance

I absolutely love fall. I always have. The leaves changing colors, the crisp air, hoodies,football, bonfires,pumpkins, gearing up for the holidays,and family fun.

 I love when we go down home to the pumpkin patch every year. We started going when we were first married and we've continued the tradition every year with Kaya. Some years it's warm enough for shorts other years we've had to bundle up tight lol But it's always fun.

  I also love going to the pumpkin patch because of the drive. Seems like when I slip over that county line everything slows down. I love to see the fields change colors, watch them harvest them etc. 

 We try hard to keep that slower paced, nature packed lifestyle in our own home. We are toying with several new ideas for the approaching new year but right now our focus is on here and now. 

 We love the slow moving weekends, the cooler evenings, and to be honest at times it's nicer to have a smaller outdoor chore list lol In the fall we start slowing down outside and I try out new recipes, bake bread and goodies and the focus turns to the home.

 Happy Fall :)

AHA moments

 Today was one of those AHA days. When something just clicks, feelings fall into place and life..happens.
  Was very excitedly texting Kaya's picture missing her tooth to close family. Not that many just the few that I knew would care. Bam...one person that I thought would be happy to see the pic responded back with a not mean message but one that sorta stung me.
  Bam like that it stung. It made me boiling mad. To the mere observer it would seem as no big deal. Person loves you and loves Kaya but something isn't just right. True enough. Rewind though to 2 weeks ago when someone was at my house visiting and their cell phone went off multiple times from THIS person texting to see what they were having for supper, was they still having blah bblah blah...if you can waste text on that but you can't waste your minutes on Kaya?
  I've been holding back on that feeling that Kaya is getting pushed back and ignored. I looked at our Facebook posts and said person comments on a nature pic, on political posts or likes them but in a good 5 months they have not commented ONE time on a picture of Kaya and barely on any statuses dealing with Kaya.
  I could feel the tears working at the corners of my eyes. I could feel the anger. Then it hit me when Kaya smiled as she was swinging and said "Mamma..we are one haaaaapppy family. I love you and Daddy."
  Boom like that happiness and the realization that we are a happy family. Maybe that text came to show me that people can love but not have the time they should for others. I've dealt with that alot in the last year. I can tell people that are very close to Steve that he is so tired he cannot get out of bed, I'm on a 7 day stretch etc..and not one offer of anything. Not that I want an offer. Then it's tossed out that I'm too strong and independent and I have changed??????
   I sat and watched my kiddo laughing and having fun and realized that we are never going to be that peg that fits perfectly in anyone's slot. We are not a typical family in the sense that we have four members...Kaya, me, Steve and MS. MS is often there whether we invite it to the table or not so we've learned how to adjust to our always there guest lol But we are also different from some because we are content. We see the joy in small things that some in this family are overlooking. We find that we can be content with what we have and who we are. That we don't have to become religious around Group A, non political around Group B and lie to Group C to save face. We are just us.
    I've realized in this deal I cannot fix anyone and I cannot make them change how they see things, how they feel things or how they handle things. But I do NOT have to let it infringe anymore.
  I've let go of alot of issues...no extended family time, no consideration to others...and now I'm going to let go of this. Not because I think they are right but because my heart cannot take anymore. Kaya doesn't feel left out since we sat her down and said as long as you are loved you have to accept people in the form they are. That we cannot make family members come to events, ask how we are or be what we want them to be..we have to love them for who they are but continue our life how we see fit.
  Mamma bears protect their young and protect their family/home and that is what I am doing. I no longer am sitting and figuring things out and I am no longer allowing myself to hurt over their lack of caring and ignorance.
  Do I love them? Yep. Will I still associate, be on Facebook, be friends with them? Yep. But I no longer leave my heart open to that ability to be hurt and I'm shutting that gate before it affects Kaya. Hurt people pass on the pain they've felt for years and IT WILL NOT BE PASSED FROM THEM TO KAYA!!!
  Sooo to be honest I will not text that individual again. Steve said even if he is in the hospital or not well or if something happens with Kaya or me...they can call us or email us. I am not to keep them in a loop they do not want to be in.
   One thing I do every single day is tell Kaya she is loved and that  I love Steve. They say the same thing. It's a common , heart felt phrase in this house. Tomorrow isn't promised and today has no guarantee. In a heart beat life can change..and be altered forever. I don't want the people I love to wonder. I will live my life so I go to sleep every night with a good heart. Others can start finding their own path.

It's official!!!

  Miss Thang lost her first tooth!!! She's been wiggling it for awhile and today it was barely hanging on. She complained at first but we told her this was something she could do and she did it...she wiggled it very loose then pulled it out!! Her eyes were huge! Quick mouthwash of warm water with salt in it and she was good to go.
  Her little tooth is in it's baggie waiting for bedtime. She has told us the going rate is a quarter (my kind of toothfairy!! LOL) and that we should leave her out a glass of milk since "A tooth fairy needs a drink too"
  Very proud of my babygirl and very hard to believe she's lost her first tooth. Sorta hard on me today. We decided to sort toys and donate to the local needy kids group for Cmas and seeing those little toys reminded me how little she use to be....then she loses her tooth!!
  Very thankful that I am blessed to be on this journey in life with her! Very lucky to get a good laugh when she thought all her teeth would fall out at once LMBO :)

Awesome fall day

 

Absolutely wonderful day off. I love having two days off during the week once a month. Not only can I get errands done that can't be done on weekends per se (drs apts etc) but we can have fun family time with very little crowds. Believe me we squeeze in LOTS of fun things every day and every weekend but it's nice when it's "just us" in a place.

  We have been trying to do one day of the two days off as a mini fun trip. We either pack the cooler and head out somewhere fun or we just take a few hours and go somewhere.

 This Monday we decided to head to the lake for the afternoon. Kaya was in HEAVEN! She got to use the binoculars and watch the boats speed by. She did alot of bird watching and saw her first eagle in the wild!! (we were just as excited) lol 

  

We also got brave and hiked the trail up to the very top of the cliffs where the rocks jut out over the edge. Kaya was amazed at the view from up there. She thought everything looked "beautiful" :) Steve has been feeling very exhausted this week..literally in bed before supper two evenings...so I was surprised he wanted to do the trails. Speaks great testament to the type of Daddy he is. :)

Best part of the day was Kaya leaning back and saying she enjoyed it. "I like places like this. Quiet, peaceful, beautiful and you can just really think" :)

After our day at the lake we stopped in so she could visit with her great great Aunt and Uncle and they were thrilled with the visit. They are truly sweet people that we enjoy having in our lives!

  Hopefully our girl realizes the beauty in nature, the sweetness in the calm and the richness she has in her life :)

And who can complain about an afternoon spent looking at a view like this :)

Love the feeling of Fall

  The Hacienda absolutely loves the feeling of fall in the air. We are an equal opportunity lover of each season (except Steve ..he hates winter lol) but fall is "our time" for sure. We keep the tradition of hitting the pumpkin patch and laughing over Steve's obsession with finding the biggest pumpkin. We have apple cider, bonfires, roast smores, we take long drives to see the leaves and fields change. We bake..and we bake ALOT lol. I love the cozy feeling of homemade soup or bread and cuddling up with the crew on a cool evening. We do alot of crafts as well. We also try to step up donations and help with donation drives for the area food pantries due to cold weather coming as well as we try to help donate for a local family a Turkey Dinner. We have for years always picked someone that we new truly needed a hand up and a little sun brought  to them and surprise them (most times they never know it's us) with a food basket etc. My parents started this with us when we were younger and I continue it with Kaya. It may not be fancy stuff but it's the thought and the love that matters.
  Lots of things lined up fun for Fall.
  Here at the Hacienda we try hard to live our life as if it will end at midnight. That is not being morbid but honest. If you live every day finding true joy in your family, in your life, in your surroundings then you cannot help but extend that love and happiness to others. If you treat every day as special then you realize that it is YOU that makes the happiness and the joy and learn to rely on your inner circle instead of focusing so much on materialistic junk to fill voids.
  A lot of my friends etc like to tease us we are hippies...Steve even teases me that it's not "we" but me they are calling that..but I'm truly not a hippy. I was just raised that you kept your feet on the ground and know your roots...but you allow your happiness to soar by the people and the love you have. We live a rather close life as my Mom and my brother are very close to us and we do try our best to see some part of the family on weekends. My brother has often said we are the Hacienda Commune lmbo but we are not a commune. We are just a family that realizes that a simpler life in the context of things runs smoother for us. We know Kaya is growing at amazing rates and time will not slow down so we fully intend to savor them.
  We are thinking of several saleable ideas this year that have us excited. We won't be rich but it'll be working together on something we already enjoy :)
  I think that is why I am a fall person.  Outside work slows down, no mowing, fall garden is simpler than a summer garden, focus comes in nature changing, crafts, kick starting the holidays, and we turn more inward to coziness in the house. A day out playing then an evening of hot chocolate, popcorn and a family movie. All the seasons are family based but fall is just my fave time of year :)

Perfection

Awesome Saturday

  Sure can't complain about the awesome weather today, all the fun and giggles. Hit the Farmer's Market early. Got a great deal on bell peppers, jalepenos, sorreno peppers and corn. Kaya always gets to pick her a veggie..this time she picked a pumpkin and sweet potatoes :) Picked her free book out and to the park we went to play.
  From there we hit MillCreek for a walk and a picnic. She LOVED it :) She fed the fish in the creek leftover bread and had a ball "exploring everything."
  From there we let her stop at a local grocery and pick out some canned goods for the local pantry benefit at the river. She warmed my heart when she said "I like to help others. Everybody should want to help everybody!!" Spent a great afternoon listening to the band, having a lemon shake up and watching Kaya play in the bouncy house.
  Decided to try making a lemon-shake up at home..came out great..and then spent the evening at Kaya's Pappaw Wade's. Had a nice visit.
  Then home to pick tomatoes. Worrying me about these evening temps dropping so cool. We picked a  gallon of cherry tomatoes out of the garden and have new blooms coming on!!!! 
  Now chilling out in our pjs and calling it an evening soon. Love spending our days together having a great time.
  A little rough on the serious talk Steve and I had while Kaya played. We have been doing research and the form of MS they are thinking Steve most likely has ..has a 85%  chance of becoming severe MS. With MS you never know if it's going to relapse and start in a month, in a week or in 20 yrs! It was very hard to see Steve's face when he looked at me and said "Does it not bother you one bit that I stand a chance, we stand a chance, of this happening?" I asked him what he meant. "Does it not bother you that at some point in our marriage that you may have a 200lb basically a baby on your hands if I lose my legs etc." I swallowed hard because it bothers me to think of ever losing Steve. Of us not being how we are now. But not because of what "might" happen. I told him "I married you for better or for worse. You are stuck with me buddy. We are a team forever no matter what. Yes, it bothers me to think of you hurting or unable to do what you want..but it doesn't bother me to have to do whatever I have to do because you would do the same for me. Besides..I'll get you a hot male nurse and everything will be ok for you and me" LMBO He cracked up laughing at the last comment and the rest of the day went well.
   That is one thing outsiders that do not fight the disease do not understand. I cannot become mush. I cannot fall apart. I cannot sit down and cry because they think I should. I cannot let them push me into a corner or against the wall anymore when it comes to my family. I have to be strong, I have to hold things together and I have to be a team player. At the Hacienda we do not take life lightly and we make sure everyday ..when the sun goes down that the 3 of us know exactly how much we love each other!!

The dreaded fight...

    Now we begin the dreaded fight with the insurance company to keep Steve's medicines. His shots are once a week, he's well past the hellish side effects we dealt with for nearly 2 months (taking 800 mg of ibroprofen and still raging 104 degree fevers or more, total lack of energy, flu like symptoms and aches, good chuck of his immune system down the drain (still deals with a weakened immune system),and emotional/hormonal swings that were less than pleasant for either of us), showing marked improvement on controlled for now lesion expansion, and for the most part more good/decent days than bad. Now we will start the fight to keep that shot because insurance has cut a deal with a new drug company for a new drug that is out to fight MS. I'm all for anything that can make strides in this area but the insurance company has to remember that it's passed FDA tests but has not been in patient use for a long period of time like his current medicine so in turn we don't know what the true effects will be.
  We also face the financial issue. Right now we fought hard to get into a copay program that will offset his current medicine significantly. Insurances see MS meds as "alternative therapy" and pay a much lower amount on them than they do other meds. For 12 needles (3 mo supply) AFTER insurance it's $3,000. Without the copay program we'd never be able to swing that. The new medicine right now is $54,000 a year with some insurance companies coverage so scanty that MS patients are paying $1,100 a MONTH for the meds. If your insurance company will not work with the current copay programs or there are no copay programs then you pay straight out what the cost is. We cannot do that. If they refuse any coverage on Steve's current meds then we can still get them but at cost...nearly $5,000 for 3 months...which we cannot do. So that is one serious issue.
  The second issue is the fact that it's a gut fear that now Steve is finally feeling decent and the shot is helping and now the rug could be pulled out from under him and he will possibly start over side effects etc.
  We have filed our appeal and the drs office has filed one for us as well. The board can take up to 4 months since the med is not a pain killer (thus not considered urgent!!). In the meantime Steve has 2 1/2 mo worth of shots in the fridge. We don't know till refill time if they will allow him to have his shot or if he will have to wait for the appeal board. If this appeal fails then we can go to the second appeal. We will have one more recourse after that then the matter is done. 
  It's sad you pay into personal insurance, you work hard, you try to do what you need to do to stay feeling better (Steve exercises, has altered his diet, cut out alot of pop, watches what he does and how/when etc) and you cannot have the medicine that is actually doing something!!
  Well meaning people have said "Oh get on disability". That does NOT solve this issue. It's a personal insurance issue for MS suffers. Cutting Steve entirely off my insurance and onto government issued insurance means he will still not get his shot. Our friend that has MS much more severely than Steve has to have Medicaid because of his staggering bills and he has been on the shot for 3 months already!!!
   I wish some could see our medical bills we've payed and will pay. I wish for one minute those well meaning people, those ones that really have no clue to our daily lives and insurance companies could live the life and be the family of someone dealing with MS. It would be a whole nother story for sure!!