It's been a week of baking and holiday fun. Kaya has helped make sugar cookies and snickerdoodles. I think the snickerdoodles was the biggest hit. I love to watch her put the sprinkles on the cookies and have fun.
We put a Christmas tree on the front porch (just lights) along with Santa in a wagon. Kaya LOVES it. We've never done a tree on the front porch but it looks really nice. We need to get the lights hung up but the wind and the temps have not played nice with us lol We've got most the inside decorations up and they look really nice. Kaya put the stuffed snowman under the tree and so far Bella has not noticed it.
We swing back and forth between cold weather, super windy and very oddly nice weather for November. Kaya is confused lol and so are the plants! 70 degrees on Turkey day then down to the 30s by the weekend is nuts!
Hoping for a relaxing weekend as the hustle bustle of the holiday season gets fully under way.
Kaya Rain
Our beautiful daughter.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Trips down Memory Lane........
We have been going down and helping my Dad sort out things left in Granny's house, clean up things and make lists of what needs done so he can get moved in there this spring. I waited almost four months before I went back to Granny's after she died.
My first trip back was not easy. My grandparents home was always just ..there. The light on between the rocking chair and Grandpa's recliner, Granny sewing, Grandpa watching the evening farm report. Saturday nights spent sleeping on a pallet of blankets in the living room or in the floor at the foot of my grandparents bed. Popcorn parties on cold nights. Sunday afternoon lunch followed by reading the Sunday paper and laughing at Grandpa arguing with the Sunday political shows. Christmas Eve's crammed in the house with wall to wall people and food. Lots of laughs and even more love.
My first trip back was just a few days before Valentine's Day. I don't know how I expected to feel but the cold of the house sorta matched the way I felt. Kaya asked why Nanny wasn't living there and after explaining she was in Heaven etc she was content. She would go room to room laughing or talking about things her and Nanny did. I walked room to room. No rocking chair rocking. No tv on. A lot of silence. No Granny saying "Shut the light off behind you. Did you shut the cabinet door?" Just...silence. I remember thinking "man I wish I'd get a sign that my grandparents are ok, happy and together..." and then I saw an old yellowed envelope sticking out from some books. Plain, nothing special looking. Probably everyone had walked over it and never even noticed it. But something made me pick it up.
Inside was an OLD cloth valentine card from my Grandpa to my Granny their first Valentines together..when Grandpa was in the service during the war. A simple sweet message..rare because Grandpa was not one to show emotions...stating how he was a soldier away from home hoping that the next Valentines Day he'd be home with his wife. The tears poured out. They had given me my sign that they were happy and together. Their hearts were healed.
A few more trips back to the house have made me think back to alot of child hood memories. From fishing in the pond, to horseback riding, to chasing fireflies in the hay field with my baby brother. Watching the fireworks from my grandparents propane tank( we could see the high up ones in Bedford all the way from downhome).
That's when I realized that the house is just a house. It holds memories and fun times but in my heart is where my grandparents are. I still find myself noticing things not how Granny would want them or snickering to myself how Granny would be pitching a fit to know we are upstairs in the attic lol but...I've found that my heart has begun to heal. Maybe it's watching Kaya laugh and have fun as she goes through the house..how easy she talks about her Nanny and the fun they had reminds me of when I was little. I've yet to go back to my Grandparent Robert's house since my Grandpa has died. Going back to homes that were like your second home isn't as easy as one would think. Maybe at times that old saying you can never go home again is true.....you can go back to a house but it changes.
We have been going down and helping my Dad sort out things left in Granny's house, clean up things and make lists of what needs done so he can get moved in there this spring. I waited almost four months before I went back to Granny's after she died.
My first trip back was not easy. My grandparents home was always just ..there. The light on between the rocking chair and Grandpa's recliner, Granny sewing, Grandpa watching the evening farm report. Saturday nights spent sleeping on a pallet of blankets in the living room or in the floor at the foot of my grandparents bed. Popcorn parties on cold nights. Sunday afternoon lunch followed by reading the Sunday paper and laughing at Grandpa arguing with the Sunday political shows. Christmas Eve's crammed in the house with wall to wall people and food. Lots of laughs and even more love.
My first trip back was just a few days before Valentine's Day. I don't know how I expected to feel but the cold of the house sorta matched the way I felt. Kaya asked why Nanny wasn't living there and after explaining she was in Heaven etc she was content. She would go room to room laughing or talking about things her and Nanny did. I walked room to room. No rocking chair rocking. No tv on. A lot of silence. No Granny saying "Shut the light off behind you. Did you shut the cabinet door?" Just...silence. I remember thinking "man I wish I'd get a sign that my grandparents are ok, happy and together..." and then I saw an old yellowed envelope sticking out from some books. Plain, nothing special looking. Probably everyone had walked over it and never even noticed it. But something made me pick it up.
Inside was an OLD cloth valentine card from my Grandpa to my Granny their first Valentines together..when Grandpa was in the service during the war. A simple sweet message..rare because Grandpa was not one to show emotions...stating how he was a soldier away from home hoping that the next Valentines Day he'd be home with his wife. The tears poured out. They had given me my sign that they were happy and together. Their hearts were healed.
A few more trips back to the house have made me think back to alot of child hood memories. From fishing in the pond, to horseback riding, to chasing fireflies in the hay field with my baby brother. Watching the fireworks from my grandparents propane tank( we could see the high up ones in Bedford all the way from downhome).
That's when I realized that the house is just a house. It holds memories and fun times but in my heart is where my grandparents are. I still find myself noticing things not how Granny would want them or snickering to myself how Granny would be pitching a fit to know we are upstairs in the attic lol but...I've found that my heart has begun to heal. Maybe it's watching Kaya laugh and have fun as she goes through the house..how easy she talks about her Nanny and the fun they had reminds me of when I was little. I've yet to go back to my Grandparent Robert's house since my Grandpa has died. Going back to homes that were like your second home isn't as easy as one would think. Maybe at times that old saying you can never go home again is true.....you can go back to a house but it changes.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
To say we are getting in the holiday mood is an understatement :)
We started with our family tradition of putting the Christmas tree up the weekend after Turkey Day (I grew up with our tree being put up the week of Cmas (sometimes even on Cmas EVE!!!) and then down the weekend after ...decided when I had a family I'd enjoy the tree and lights for awhile longer!)
We've made our first small wreath of the season. Kaya picked the ribbon and decorations for it and we hung it on the door going to the garage.
First batch of homemade Christmas cookies has been made and Frosty has kicked off the movie season (I can almost recite it and Rudolph by heart as Kaya last year watched them so often..even during the summer! LOL).
We try very hard to incorporate my traditions I grew up with , things Steve has always done as well new things that are just "our little family". We also talk about other cultures holiday events and Kaya loves the story of how Hanukkah came to be, the magic of the oil and the dreidel song. She knows the story of the Three Wise men and Jesus. We try hard to focus on the feeling of Christmas and less on the materialistic aspect of the holiday. We encourage her to be involved in charitable things and she's manned food drive bins etc.
I've worked retail for 19 yrs and many would think that the Scrooge feeling would push me over the edge. I do find myself aggravated at how many focus on checking ITEMS off the list instead of adding people they love to a different kind of list...fed up with how people treat each other while shopping etc. I am also lucky that my job doesn't require as much time face to face with people on the floor (my job now). But I've also learned that when I clock out my real day begins at home. That holiday cheer is great and that seeing my 4 yr old's eyes sparkle over the tree lights etc is what keeps me happy.
Wishing everyone a great time preparing for the holiday, the ability to slow down and enjoy each moment, and to repeat family traditions and make a few of their own :)
We started with our family tradition of putting the Christmas tree up the weekend after Turkey Day (I grew up with our tree being put up the week of Cmas (sometimes even on Cmas EVE!!!) and then down the weekend after ...decided when I had a family I'd enjoy the tree and lights for awhile longer!)
We've made our first small wreath of the season. Kaya picked the ribbon and decorations for it and we hung it on the door going to the garage.
First batch of homemade Christmas cookies has been made and Frosty has kicked off the movie season (I can almost recite it and Rudolph by heart as Kaya last year watched them so often..even during the summer! LOL).
We try very hard to incorporate my traditions I grew up with , things Steve has always done as well new things that are just "our little family". We also talk about other cultures holiday events and Kaya loves the story of how Hanukkah came to be, the magic of the oil and the dreidel song. She knows the story of the Three Wise men and Jesus. We try hard to focus on the feeling of Christmas and less on the materialistic aspect of the holiday. We encourage her to be involved in charitable things and she's manned food drive bins etc.
I've worked retail for 19 yrs and many would think that the Scrooge feeling would push me over the edge. I do find myself aggravated at how many focus on checking ITEMS off the list instead of adding people they love to a different kind of list...fed up with how people treat each other while shopping etc. I am also lucky that my job doesn't require as much time face to face with people on the floor (my job now). But I've also learned that when I clock out my real day begins at home. That holiday cheer is great and that seeing my 4 yr old's eyes sparkle over the tree lights etc is what keeps me happy.
Wishing everyone a great time preparing for the holiday, the ability to slow down and enjoy each moment, and to repeat family traditions and make a few of their own :)
Angel Trees and giving at Christmas
We try every year to pick a child off the angel tree that is the same age as Kaya. We feel that teaches her how it is to be a child and not have certain things, that not all little ones have everything, that sometimes just receiving clothes is a blessing, and that life is much bigger than her Christmas List.
We found a 4 yr old little girl that wants babies, girl things and under one of her special gifts she listed...Dora Panties. I teared up. Here my child has two dressers of clothes and this small child was asking for panties as one of her special gifts. I will admit I teared up reading the card.
I grew up far from rich, a farm kid that was thankful for a Mom and Grandmas that gardened and canned, a Dad and Grandpas that raised pigs and cows and butchered. The guys hunted and put up deer. We raised rabbits to eat. I never knew a day without a meal and I never knew that our Christmas by many would be considered "lean" mainly because we were happy, we got some toys and we got clothes. Steve had far less than I had and Christmas was not always a happy time. So we have always made Kaya a priority but we have tried hard to also make her realize how very blessed she is.
I know there are some rotten apples out there that spoil the bunch. People get turned off of Angel Tree, Shop with a Cop, alot of charitable events because so many parents that put their children last and abuse the system use it either as a way to get their kids Cmas with no expense to themselves or they sell the kids stuff. But..I always think..what if the one name left on the tree is the one that truly needs it and noone would take it for fear of those abusing the system? No child should suffer for the sins of their father so I feel alot of times people should find a good cuase that their heart is into and do it..as a family.
Some very neat ideas this season (and any time...need doesn't have a holiday or a time..it's everyday):
1.make homemade caps and toboggans and give to the local cancer ward
2.donate a magazine subscription to the kids wing of a hospital
3.donate to Toys for Tots, Shop with a Cop, Clothe a Child, the Salvation Army or Santa's helpers
4.donate to a military family aid (it's not just the soldiers sometimes stationed far from home..but their families too)
5.Adopt a deployed soldier. A card or a carepackage can mean the world to a soldier
6.donate to a food pantry
7.Spur your church congregation to do a food drive for the local pantry or a cap/gloves/coat drive for a kid's group
8.Spur your church or your family to do a houseslipper/robe drive for a local nursing home. Go there caroling or offer to spend some time there....the elderly often suffer from depression at the holidays
9.Pick an American Indian reservation and donate Cmas stockings filled with goodies or even basics/clothes...those needs are year round
10.donate your time or needed items to a shelter (many shelters have women and kids that are escaping a violent situation...brighten their day)
11.Pay forward your blessings and give a free cup of coffee/cocoa to the bell ringer
12.Pick up the tab when you have the extra for someone behind you in line at the drive through or the tab of an elderly person getting a few basic groceries
Showing kindness at Christmas and all year long not only makes someone else smile but it enlarges your heart.
We try every year to pick a child off the angel tree that is the same age as Kaya. We feel that teaches her how it is to be a child and not have certain things, that not all little ones have everything, that sometimes just receiving clothes is a blessing, and that life is much bigger than her Christmas List.
We found a 4 yr old little girl that wants babies, girl things and under one of her special gifts she listed...Dora Panties. I teared up. Here my child has two dressers of clothes and this small child was asking for panties as one of her special gifts. I will admit I teared up reading the card.
I grew up far from rich, a farm kid that was thankful for a Mom and Grandmas that gardened and canned, a Dad and Grandpas that raised pigs and cows and butchered. The guys hunted and put up deer. We raised rabbits to eat. I never knew a day without a meal and I never knew that our Christmas by many would be considered "lean" mainly because we were happy, we got some toys and we got clothes. Steve had far less than I had and Christmas was not always a happy time. So we have always made Kaya a priority but we have tried hard to also make her realize how very blessed she is.
I know there are some rotten apples out there that spoil the bunch. People get turned off of Angel Tree, Shop with a Cop, alot of charitable events because so many parents that put their children last and abuse the system use it either as a way to get their kids Cmas with no expense to themselves or they sell the kids stuff. But..I always think..what if the one name left on the tree is the one that truly needs it and noone would take it for fear of those abusing the system? No child should suffer for the sins of their father so I feel alot of times people should find a good cuase that their heart is into and do it..as a family.
Some very neat ideas this season (and any time...need doesn't have a holiday or a time..it's everyday):
1.make homemade caps and toboggans and give to the local cancer ward
2.donate a magazine subscription to the kids wing of a hospital
3.donate to Toys for Tots, Shop with a Cop, Clothe a Child, the Salvation Army or Santa's helpers
4.donate to a military family aid (it's not just the soldiers sometimes stationed far from home..but their families too)
5.Adopt a deployed soldier. A card or a carepackage can mean the world to a soldier
6.donate to a food pantry
7.Spur your church congregation to do a food drive for the local pantry or a cap/gloves/coat drive for a kid's group
8.Spur your church or your family to do a houseslipper/robe drive for a local nursing home. Go there caroling or offer to spend some time there....the elderly often suffer from depression at the holidays
9.Pick an American Indian reservation and donate Cmas stockings filled with goodies or even basics/clothes...those needs are year round
10.donate your time or needed items to a shelter (many shelters have women and kids that are escaping a violent situation...brighten their day)
11.Pay forward your blessings and give a free cup of coffee/cocoa to the bell ringer
12.Pick up the tab when you have the extra for someone behind you in line at the drive through or the tab of an elderly person getting a few basic groceries
Showing kindness at Christmas and all year long not only makes someone else smile but it enlarges your heart.
Ahhhh the sweet sound of giggles, the anxiety of waiting for the timer, and the homey smell of homemade white chocolate/chocolate chip cookies! Just one of the ways we love to kick off the holiday season at the Henderson Hacienda!
I'll admit I'm a cookie dough addict and I love homemade cookies but I'm nowhere near the cookie baker that Steve is. The man was made to make cookies lol From gourmet recipes to plain ole chocolate chip. He often assists Kaya in baking me a sweet for Valentines Day and for my bday as well as just baking together with her (LOVE that there is that bond for them).
I've always said I wanted Kaya to have the traditions that I had growing up. Learning math while giggling and measuring flour. Sneaking a chocolate chip while chatting. I grew up with some awesome cooks/bakers and some of my fondest memories is learning a recipe at my Mom's shirttail or one of my Grandma's apron strings.
I love to bake with Kaya. This year Steve treated me to two new cookie/cake pans and they work really well and have my creative ideas running! Kaya cracks me up because she knows once we have all the cookies done that I'll let her sneak a spoonful of dough (a big no no with Daddy...he's very precise on how he does things).
Love seeing her so excited and ready for the holiday. We also made a small wreath...Kaya picked the ribbon and the ornaments (santa,snowman,cmas tree and reindeer). It came out really cute and she had a blast.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Thanksgiving
Hard to believe that Thanksgiving has came and gone. Time sure has been flying lately. Kaya was bouncing off the walls waiting for "Turkey Day" so Daddy could "fry up those giant chickens". She has always called turkeys giant chickens.
The awesome weather this year was insane. You barely needed a light jacket it was so nice out. Very unusual for November especially since we had our first light snow in October! But it worked out well for Steve having to fry turkeys.
We had us three, my Mom, my Dad, my mother in law, my brother in law and a friend that my husband has known for years. Entirely too much food (lol) and a good time. Kaya helped the night before make the pumpkin pies. It's our little tradition that she gets to do that...as well as help make the cinnamon rolls for breakfast. (A tradition my Mom started when we were little and I continue with Kaya)
I had to work 6pm to 3am Thanksgiving night. Not into the corporate greed of working families on holidays but I get VERY tired of listening to other people complain about it...then they come shop the sales. Money talks and if people avoided all sales until Friday it would change corporations minds on things. But..I also understand there are families that the tv on sale is the only item they buy their family etc and I pretty much row with the flow. I thought working Thanksgiving night would put a damper on my holiday but it didn't too bad. I still ate and had fun, enjoyed having family in just dreaded going into madness and was wore out by the time I got in bed. And 7:30 came entirely too early after going to bed at 4am. I don't see the date of sales changing after the massive crowds we had.
I have so many things to be thankful for in my life. My wonderful husband, my sweet fab daughter, my Mom that stands beside me/us no matter what, my Dad improving himself, my baby brother that hung the moon, my best friends, my friends, my family. The basics that to many are luxuries...heat, water, a roof over our heads, food in the fridge/pantry. A job, vehicles, someone that loves me/us. Life is pretty grand most days.
I can say even after working retail for soon to be 19 yrs I still love the holidays. I simply separate work and home. Why carry home the disgust I feel over how people act in public to my home? Why ruin my family time over someone else's insanity. Not happening. To see Kaya so excited over Thanksgiving...a holiday for thankfulness and food..not toys etc was the most awesome thing.
Very thankful too for Hoosier Hills Food Bank, area churches, Salvation Army and the local food pantry for feeding those in need this year. The demand has been HUGE in this area and growing every day. Every child, every family, every elderly person should be able to have a decent meal for Thanksgiving. We donate every year and I'm glad to see the community involved as well. The true meaning of Thanksgiving was the joy of surviving another year, bracing for the winter, and coming together as friends (Pilgrims and Indians) and setting aside judgement.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Turkey day and had some "giant chicken" :)
The awesome weather this year was insane. You barely needed a light jacket it was so nice out. Very unusual for November especially since we had our first light snow in October! But it worked out well for Steve having to fry turkeys.
We had us three, my Mom, my Dad, my mother in law, my brother in law and a friend that my husband has known for years. Entirely too much food (lol) and a good time. Kaya helped the night before make the pumpkin pies. It's our little tradition that she gets to do that...as well as help make the cinnamon rolls for breakfast. (A tradition my Mom started when we were little and I continue with Kaya)
I had to work 6pm to 3am Thanksgiving night. Not into the corporate greed of working families on holidays but I get VERY tired of listening to other people complain about it...then they come shop the sales. Money talks and if people avoided all sales until Friday it would change corporations minds on things. But..I also understand there are families that the tv on sale is the only item they buy their family etc and I pretty much row with the flow. I thought working Thanksgiving night would put a damper on my holiday but it didn't too bad. I still ate and had fun, enjoyed having family in just dreaded going into madness and was wore out by the time I got in bed. And 7:30 came entirely too early after going to bed at 4am. I don't see the date of sales changing after the massive crowds we had.
I have so many things to be thankful for in my life. My wonderful husband, my sweet fab daughter, my Mom that stands beside me/us no matter what, my Dad improving himself, my baby brother that hung the moon, my best friends, my friends, my family. The basics that to many are luxuries...heat, water, a roof over our heads, food in the fridge/pantry. A job, vehicles, someone that loves me/us. Life is pretty grand most days.
I can say even after working retail for soon to be 19 yrs I still love the holidays. I simply separate work and home. Why carry home the disgust I feel over how people act in public to my home? Why ruin my family time over someone else's insanity. Not happening. To see Kaya so excited over Thanksgiving...a holiday for thankfulness and food..not toys etc was the most awesome thing.
Very thankful too for Hoosier Hills Food Bank, area churches, Salvation Army and the local food pantry for feeding those in need this year. The demand has been HUGE in this area and growing every day. Every child, every family, every elderly person should be able to have a decent meal for Thanksgiving. We donate every year and I'm glad to see the community involved as well. The true meaning of Thanksgiving was the joy of surviving another year, bracing for the winter, and coming together as friends (Pilgrims and Indians) and setting aside judgement.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Turkey day and had some "giant chicken" :)
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Gardens
Our garden did awesome this year (yes this post is a bit out of order but just go with it lol) We put alot of elbow grease into raised boxes, using space wisely, building a compost box, making vegetable pot gardens and making transfer plant boxes. And it payed off nicely.
We rotated our beds and managed to have vegetables growing the whole season. Enough vegetables to share with our neighbor and our family. We planted 29 types of tomatoes, 7 types of regular peppers, 10 types of HOT peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, three types of loose lettuce, cucumbers, strawberries, gourds, pumpkins (best ones come from the wild vines from our compost box lol) three types of green beans, collard greens, greek oregano, watermelons, beets, turnips etc. I did not get enough tomatoes to make pico de gallo,salsa or juice but that was only because one curly headed 4 yr old stripped the vines constantly! She ate at least one tomato a night every night of the summer lol We did a bushel crop on broccoli and have it in the freezer for this winter. Our purple cabbage froze up nicely for soup etc this winter.
We planted corn at the edging of our vegetable pot ledge so when we watered the top layer it watered the bottom (due to the heat/drought this summer). When we watered the compost it also watered pumpkin vines and Delia flowers. It flowed pretty well. I think I planted the garlic in the wrong sign as it just did not do well.
Steve teases me about my "cult" book (farmer's almanac) but he sure referenced it alot this summer lol It works most the time and we've always used it....from weaning Kaya to when we plant etc. But I think I misread the one moon sign and that made the garlic not grow well.
People tease me about how much gardening, composting (we use the dirt it makes to resoil beds etc) etc we do but it's a great stress reducer, you know where your produce comes from and it teaches Kaya a connection to the dirt under her feet. We are by no means as sustenance as we'd like to be but we are working on it. We grew our own veggies this summer, we watch what kind of bread we buy or we bake it, we buy a cow from our cousin's 4h projects so our meat is fresh and we know how/where it was raised etc
We are both pretty big on environment things and we respect nature and I want that instilled in Kaya. I want her to know that hard work and caring for something grows juicy tomatoes. That the mulched leaves and egg shells can go in the compost instead of rotting away at a landfill. We recycle and we try to be kind to the environment.
A wife's view point of MS
MS. Two simple little letters that abbreviate a huge disease. A disease that affects everything in your life and I am not even the one that has it. Watching Steve deal with the mental, physical and emotional issues with MS is not always easy and I admire that he may have his bad days but he also stays amazingly positive and tries to not let it rule him.
People tend to think of MS as just feeling tired. It's more than that. It's expensive medical bills and anxiety to make a diagnosis. It's facing MRI's for three hours each session to pinpoint where lesions are (and will do this every year to see if anymore form). It's arranging your work schedule to make it to appointments. It's arranging your home schedule so Steve can rest but never letting him know just how much you worry while you do the chores.
It's listening to a husband that has days he worries he's a horrible father because he doesn't feel like playing on the trampoline. Or a horrible husband because this weeks shot may make him feel like crap and he'll have to cancel date night or not eat supper with the family. It's being strong and saying "Things will be ok" even when you worry whether it will be. It's watching a man that was once physically active every single waking minute, always outside and going.....now taking a break. Or pushing himself hard today to do family stuff and then having aching legs the next day.
It's dealing with drug companies that say you make too much money and after insurance want a minimum of 800 dollars for 4 shots (a month's dosage). It's dealing with an insurance company that still sees Steve's medicine (the oldest on the market and the stepping stone to other drugs he may have to take) as alternative. It's meeting your rather large family deductible, using up your health care credit and meeting your out of pocket of 10,000 (all before Oct!!) It's arranging payments on big bills like hospital stays and MRI's and coughing up decent sized chunks of money to get into the door for certain tests. It's faxing one paper to allow another paper to be faxed just so they can speak to me if Steve doesn't know the answer or feels bad that day.
It's dealing with setting up home visits from the nurse to teach us both how to do shots. It's sitting in the hospital for 3 hrs 3 times a week every six months or so for steroid drips that make Steve like a hummingbird on crack for a few days then drops him off the bottom as if he's having withdrawals and blurs his vision.
It's watching your husband dreading to push the injector on his pen shot because he's afraid he'll hit a sore spot again and bleed or worse...have leg pains. Watching him battle 102 degree fevers after taking 1600 mg of ibuprofen. Laying in bed shaking with the chills and being too dizzy to walk. Listening to the sympathetic nurse tell us to hang in there it tapers off after 2 months.
It's dealing with family that skirts the issue entirely or avoids us if it's shot time. Leaning on my Mom probably more than I should because she understands. Having family and friends think because they see us out as a family or that Steve smiles and says he's feeling ok...that everything is fine. It's family that seems to have forgotten that simply because money is tighter for a bit or we juggle around the medical issues and affects...we still have feelings and we exist. And it's being thankful for the outpouring of caring and love from my best friends and good family,from friends, and from co workers that understand more than most.
But things are getting better. Two weeks (knock on wood) with no drug effects from the shot and Steve has only been having some leg issues (other than the feeling of feeling cloudy headed that he deals with alot) Kaya doesn't think of Steve any different...Daddy just needs to rest sometimes. He does an excellent job of no matter how he feels Kaya is taken well care of all day and he always thinks of something family oriented on the weekends.
Soooo MS you are going to be only two small letters in our life. We won't let you win, we won't back down or give in.
People tend to think of MS as just feeling tired. It's more than that. It's expensive medical bills and anxiety to make a diagnosis. It's facing MRI's for three hours each session to pinpoint where lesions are (and will do this every year to see if anymore form). It's arranging your work schedule to make it to appointments. It's arranging your home schedule so Steve can rest but never letting him know just how much you worry while you do the chores.
It's listening to a husband that has days he worries he's a horrible father because he doesn't feel like playing on the trampoline. Or a horrible husband because this weeks shot may make him feel like crap and he'll have to cancel date night or not eat supper with the family. It's being strong and saying "Things will be ok" even when you worry whether it will be. It's watching a man that was once physically active every single waking minute, always outside and going.....now taking a break. Or pushing himself hard today to do family stuff and then having aching legs the next day.
It's dealing with drug companies that say you make too much money and after insurance want a minimum of 800 dollars for 4 shots (a month's dosage). It's dealing with an insurance company that still sees Steve's medicine (the oldest on the market and the stepping stone to other drugs he may have to take) as alternative. It's meeting your rather large family deductible, using up your health care credit and meeting your out of pocket of 10,000 (all before Oct!!) It's arranging payments on big bills like hospital stays and MRI's and coughing up decent sized chunks of money to get into the door for certain tests. It's faxing one paper to allow another paper to be faxed just so they can speak to me if Steve doesn't know the answer or feels bad that day.
It's dealing with setting up home visits from the nurse to teach us both how to do shots. It's sitting in the hospital for 3 hrs 3 times a week every six months or so for steroid drips that make Steve like a hummingbird on crack for a few days then drops him off the bottom as if he's having withdrawals and blurs his vision.
It's watching your husband dreading to push the injector on his pen shot because he's afraid he'll hit a sore spot again and bleed or worse...have leg pains. Watching him battle 102 degree fevers after taking 1600 mg of ibuprofen. Laying in bed shaking with the chills and being too dizzy to walk. Listening to the sympathetic nurse tell us to hang in there it tapers off after 2 months.
It's dealing with family that skirts the issue entirely or avoids us if it's shot time. Leaning on my Mom probably more than I should because she understands. Having family and friends think because they see us out as a family or that Steve smiles and says he's feeling ok...that everything is fine. It's family that seems to have forgotten that simply because money is tighter for a bit or we juggle around the medical issues and affects...we still have feelings and we exist. And it's being thankful for the outpouring of caring and love from my best friends and good family,from friends, and from co workers that understand more than most.
But things are getting better. Two weeks (knock on wood) with no drug effects from the shot and Steve has only been having some leg issues (other than the feeling of feeling cloudy headed that he deals with alot) Kaya doesn't think of Steve any different...Daddy just needs to rest sometimes. He does an excellent job of no matter how he feels Kaya is taken well care of all day and he always thinks of something family oriented on the weekends.
Soooo MS you are going to be only two small letters in our life. We won't let you win, we won't back down or give in.
Halloween
To say Kaya loves Halloween is an understatement. She comes by it honestly. Steve and Jonus's fave holiday is Halloween and I love it as well. I am a huge fall person to begin with and I guess that "magic" of Halloween from childhood still lingers in me :)
We did our traditional pumpkin carving and Steve had a great time carving awesome pumpkins. They came out great.
We did our fave Halloween treats, watched our Halloween shows and just prepared for the holiday. This year Steve's family canceled their annual event so we tried to focus even more on the holiday for Kaya.
She picked her own costume..Zombie Bride...and rocked it :) She told us that she didn't want something "cute..it's Halloween Mamma it's suppose to be FUUUNN" lol We took her trick or treating to our fave neighbor (they spoil her way too much lol) then to a few houses in the addition next to us. The next stop was Steve's cousin's church. They did trunk or treat and we really liked it. Plus it gave us a safe place to park to walk 14th st, the HUGE Halloween section in town. They decorate up and it's a busy section. We only walk half the section then called it a night. Final stops...Mimi's and Aunt Judy's for goodies then to Amanda's house. Kaya cracked us up when she saw Amanda's costume (Giant Whoopee Cushion) and had more goodies at her house.
Then home to have a few pieces of candy, take a bath and snuggle with a Halloween cartoon. I'm usually off the week of Halloween but had to juggle around my schedule due to Steve's dr apts etc. It actually worked out really well and I may do it that way again next year.
Halloween was a blast...and our sweetest little treat was Kaya
Well lots has happened
A year of catch up. Hmm that's alot of happenings.
My brother got a little leave time (7 days) but it was wonderful to see him. We've been apart alot more than together physically in the last few years. But the clock is ticking on him being home soon.
Kaya has grown in leap and bounds..literally! She's tall, perfectly portioned and healthy as a horse. Smart and beautiful. Alot of adjectives to describe our baby girl lol She retains words well, uses big words correctly and makes us laugh with some of her interesting ways of saying them. Every day is awesome and we are learning that every day may not go well but it's in how you handle it :) She's independent, strong willed and funny. Great qualities...most the time lol
Kaya turned the big 4 on June 12th. I don't know who was more thrilled with her My Pretty Pony three layer cake (complete with icing clouds, ponies and all the frills)..Kaya or my sister in laws lol I love making Kaya's cakes. We had a big party at our house complete with a cookout. It was nice to see so much family together and to have a visit from an out of state friend before the party and some friends that came to visit after the party. I've watched my babygirl go from a chubby cheek new born to an incredible 4 yr old.
Our other big thing was Steve being diagnosed with MS this year. What started out as severely tired...that we chalked up to all the outside work we had done on garden beds and the heat...ended up with Steve having very hard to understand slurred speech and unable to get out of bed for very long. Once at the ER we braced ourselves to either hear stroke or...something easily fixable. Once the catscan came back with an abnormal spot it was 3 days in the hospitals, lots of anxiety, one freaked out husband (he's NEVER been in the hospital ever) and a child that cried every night. After 3 days of barely 8 hrs sleep they let me bring Steve home. Within 2 days we had a call from Dr K to cancel our appt with him and get to Dr B as soon as possible. The abnormal vein was actually MS lesions. Every day is a new learning experience with the disease. I'll blog more on that later.
We lost Granny in Oct of 2011. One of the hardest times. My last grandparent..gone. We had to admit her to the nursing home in April due to her memory issues etc and we had spent alot of time over there making her feel at home. Kaya and Granny was VERY close. Two of the hardest things I ever had to do: Tell my daughter her Nanny was in Heaven and then contact my baby brother. I was up for nearly 54 hrs dealing with RedCross (not a big fan of their military procedures) and then the military base. He made it in the day after the funeral. It took me several months (actually it was in Feb) for me to officially go back to Granny's house. I was walking through the house, could feel the tears at the corner of my eyes, and then I found an envelope. Inside it was a valentines my grandpa had sent my Granny while he was stationed in the service during the war. It made me smile and made me think Granny was saying "its ok..I'm with Grandpa." I go back to the house from time to time and it's the same farm house...just missing the two most important accents...my grandparents. I feel the same when I go to my Mom's family farm. I have not been back in my Grandpa Roberts house since my Grandpa died.
Most of the last year or so has flew by, holidays were great (just different due to not having it at the normal place I've had it for 30 some years), and every day is something new.
Ethan is now 17, a junior and driving. Emily is almost 16, a sophomore and boys think she's cute. Makes me want to puke all around lol Sorta moving into another phase of life in that regard. One day my babies won't come up as they will be in college. But I'm very proud of them.
Lots of great times ahead in our lives and some serious decisions on several issues. Some pretty personal that takes a couple thinking it out hard, others just things to deal with and move on. Very blessed in my life and even for all the bumps..wouldn't change the year or so we've had.
My brother got a little leave time (7 days) but it was wonderful to see him. We've been apart alot more than together physically in the last few years. But the clock is ticking on him being home soon.
Kaya has grown in leap and bounds..literally! She's tall, perfectly portioned and healthy as a horse. Smart and beautiful. Alot of adjectives to describe our baby girl lol She retains words well, uses big words correctly and makes us laugh with some of her interesting ways of saying them. Every day is awesome and we are learning that every day may not go well but it's in how you handle it :) She's independent, strong willed and funny. Great qualities...most the time lol
Kaya turned the big 4 on June 12th. I don't know who was more thrilled with her My Pretty Pony three layer cake (complete with icing clouds, ponies and all the frills)..Kaya or my sister in laws lol I love making Kaya's cakes. We had a big party at our house complete with a cookout. It was nice to see so much family together and to have a visit from an out of state friend before the party and some friends that came to visit after the party. I've watched my babygirl go from a chubby cheek new born to an incredible 4 yr old.
Our other big thing was Steve being diagnosed with MS this year. What started out as severely tired...that we chalked up to all the outside work we had done on garden beds and the heat...ended up with Steve having very hard to understand slurred speech and unable to get out of bed for very long. Once at the ER we braced ourselves to either hear stroke or...something easily fixable. Once the catscan came back with an abnormal spot it was 3 days in the hospitals, lots of anxiety, one freaked out husband (he's NEVER been in the hospital ever) and a child that cried every night. After 3 days of barely 8 hrs sleep they let me bring Steve home. Within 2 days we had a call from Dr K to cancel our appt with him and get to Dr B as soon as possible. The abnormal vein was actually MS lesions. Every day is a new learning experience with the disease. I'll blog more on that later.
We lost Granny in Oct of 2011. One of the hardest times. My last grandparent..gone. We had to admit her to the nursing home in April due to her memory issues etc and we had spent alot of time over there making her feel at home. Kaya and Granny was VERY close. Two of the hardest things I ever had to do: Tell my daughter her Nanny was in Heaven and then contact my baby brother. I was up for nearly 54 hrs dealing with RedCross (not a big fan of their military procedures) and then the military base. He made it in the day after the funeral. It took me several months (actually it was in Feb) for me to officially go back to Granny's house. I was walking through the house, could feel the tears at the corner of my eyes, and then I found an envelope. Inside it was a valentines my grandpa had sent my Granny while he was stationed in the service during the war. It made me smile and made me think Granny was saying "its ok..I'm with Grandpa." I go back to the house from time to time and it's the same farm house...just missing the two most important accents...my grandparents. I feel the same when I go to my Mom's family farm. I have not been back in my Grandpa Roberts house since my Grandpa died.
Most of the last year or so has flew by, holidays were great (just different due to not having it at the normal place I've had it for 30 some years), and every day is something new.
Ethan is now 17, a junior and driving. Emily is almost 16, a sophomore and boys think she's cute. Makes me want to puke all around lol Sorta moving into another phase of life in that regard. One day my babies won't come up as they will be in college. But I'm very proud of them.
Lots of great times ahead in our lives and some serious decisions on several issues. Some pretty personal that takes a couple thinking it out hard, others just things to deal with and move on. Very blessed in my life and even for all the bumps..wouldn't change the year or so we've had.
Been awhile..so excited LOL
So excited to be back to writing on the blog. I'm horrible about just sitting down and writing...and to be honest the log in and format had changed..so yeah. lol Will definately be doing a better job. My next post will be catching up the year UGGHHH lol and then onto things now :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)