and more recipes....

This picture doesn't do it justice...but I've been searching for a Spanish or Mexican rice that would rival our local Mexican restaurants. Steve will barely eat rice but LOVES Mexican rice. Soooo I tried this recipe and man alive..it's awesome. Not too sticky, not dry...just tastes like I got takeout!
  3 Tbsp veg oil 1 cup uncooked white rice
1 tsp minced garlic (one clove of garlic diced small)
1/2 tsp kosher salt 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 cup tomato sauce (just reg ole can sauce or your own home canned...don't use tomato spaghetti sauce!)
1 14oz can of chicken broth 3 Tbsp finely chopped cilantro
  Heat 3 tbsp veg or canola oil in your skillet. Add 1 cup of white rice (I use GV white rice quick cook). Stir the rice around in the oil and let cook till it begins to brown slightly (I won't lie..mine didn't turn too brown but it still came out great!). Add in  garlic, kosher salt, and cumin. Stir to mix and then let cook till it turns a golden shade. Add tomato sauce and broth and turn your heat up to bring it to a boil. Stir often. Add cilantro, reduce heat and let cook about 20 to 24 mins stirring occasionally. This rice is awesome!

    Of course no Mexican meal is complete without tortilla chips and white cheese sauce ;)  We fried up our own chips (much to Kaya's amazement) and we found a cheese sauce recipe we all gave a big thumbs up.
   White Cheese Sauce1/2 lb White American cheese (you can use sliced in the cheese section or get it at the deli in a large chunk. I used the sliced and it worked fine)
1/8 cup green chilies (I used canned chopped ones)
2 to 4 slices of pickled jalapenos, diced
1/3 cup whole milk (I used 2% and added a bit of heavy cream to it..worked fine)
1/4 cup cold water
1/2 oz pickled jalapeno juice (I just tipped a bit in it and didn't measure)
    Dice up the white cheese and put in a microwave safe bowl. Add milk to it. Microwave in 30 second intervals until cheese melts. Stir together with cold water. Really get your whisk into it. Add all the other ingredients and whisk till fairly smooth. As for the chips..simply get your oil to 350 degrees (I used a candy thermometer to keep my oil right at temp). Take a tortilla and cut into desired size chips making sure to cut in triangles. I simply cut across, then the opposite way and made say 12 chips or so out of each shell. Drop into oil and let it begin to turn golden. BE QUICK. It takes mere seconds for it to cook, flip once and then put into a towel lined bowl. Salt as desired. Again..be fast or you'll get some ugly nasty chips LOL
  We decided for New Years eve this year to have these dishes and it was awesome. Not a ton of prepping and cooking and everyone loved the recipes :)

White cheese sauce

homemade tortilla chips

Recipes.....

 I cook and bake..ALOT..lol and I love doing new recipes. We are not huge go to restaurant folks so I like to try something from a restaurant but make it at home. I have found some hits! First up I'll give you the recipe for White Sauce Enchiladas. Simple, hearty and actually taste like what you would get at a Mexican restaurant.
   Warm your skillet up and put a couple tablespoons of oil in it. I normally use canola or olive. Add 1 clove of garlic, diced to oil. Also add 3 lg diced fresh mushrooms, half a med onion diced, a bell pepper diced (I used half orange, half yellow just for the color) and 2 small diced tomatoes. Fry till onion and garlic are softer.Add about 2 cups of chunked chicken (I boil mine before frying..just easier to make sure it cooks through) or beef (use stir fry or fajita beef or even beef stew meat, just cut into smaller bits)Cook till completely warmed through (if you use raw chicken chunks then you'll have to cook till completely done). Take two good hands full of shredded cheese and put in meat mix. It should seem "stringy". I use whatever cheese I have on hand. Cover. Heat oven to 350.
  In a sauce pan put 3 Tablespoons of butter. Melt slowly. Slowly whisk in 3 Tbsps of flour It will thicken and almost look like sugar cookie dough. DO NOT freak out lol It's ok. Stir in 2 cups of chicken broth and continue to whisk until blended.Add about 1/4 a cup of diced green chilies, four slices of diced jalapeno and just a tip of the bottle of pickled jalapeno juice. Whisk. Remove from heat, stir in 1 cup of sour cream until smooth. Sit aside.
  Take a cake pan and lightly spray it. Take a soft tortilla shell and put a scoop or so of meat mix into it. Gently roll up and place seam side down in pan. Repeat till shells or meat mix is gone. Pour white sauce over shells. Spread it out so it's all really covered...over edges, between shells etc. I then sprinkle a tsp of fresh diced cilantro over the top and add a decent hand full of shredded cheese over the top.  Bake at 350 till cheese begins to brown slightly. Enjoy!!!


   To compliment the enchiladas you gotta have refried beans. But...no one likes that stiff out of can style. In a sauce pan dump your can of refried beans. When it begins to warm through stir in 1/3 cup of sour cream till smooth. Once it begins to get hot (NOT bubbling) remove from heat, sprinkle either mozzarella or Mexican shredded cheese on top and cover. Viola you have restaurant style beans :)

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day

 I could post tons of family pictures, tons of pictures of Kaya opening gifts. Even tons of food pictures. But..I'm going to use these two pics for my Christmas post. Why? Because...to us Christmas is not just in our home..it's with family, family that has passed and with my little brother who is in California and can't be home (this is the 2nd year he can't be home..we've only had 2 actual Christmas's together in almost 6 yrs due to military and school)...so under these skies everyone was together :)
   We spent Cmas eve at home with our cousins, my mother in law, my Mom and Dad and a friend. It was awesome. Deep fried turkey, chili and potato soup, cheese ball, tons of pies. But it was just being together that made the evening. Cmas Day we got up to one super excited little girl that couldn't wait to open gifts..and she wasn't disappointed. Uncle J shipped her a new electric guitar..hot pink of course ;) and she was so happy, but missed him so much! Then we headed down home to the farm for the day. Way too much food, tons of family, cousin time and just being together. Exactly what the holiday is suppose to be about :)

A trip to see Santa...and a sweet cousin's bday

Kaya really wanted to see Santa this year. She's never really cared before one way or the other. Luckily the local Catholic church always hosts Santa along with a big breakfast and bazaar.  We opted out of the breakfast but Kaya happily waited her turn to tell Santa she wanted "LPS's mainly" for Christmas. To which poor Santa said "And what kind of games does that system play?" Kaya raised her eyebrow and said "It's littlest pet shops Santa. Not a game system." LOL She wrote it off as Santa's stand in (I know it's not the REAL Santa. The real Santa is too busy. This guy just takes notes) being tired and proceeded to do her craft. Each kid got a cute pic of themselves with Santa and could make it into a Cmas tree ornament. She loved that. As well as the elves helping lol
   We also celebrated Miss Addie turning 4 (on the 21st but her party is today). Hard to believe she's grew so quickly. She's bright, bubbly and lovable. Makes the cutest little faces. Her Mom all over again. Very thankful her and Kaya are buddies :)

Our first school Christmas party :)

  There is a good possibility that I might have been just as excited as Kaya for her party today lol Mrs W had her class Christmas party starting at 1 this afternoon and we all had a great time. I like the idea too instead of setting a certain price limit or drawing names that she just had each parent pick up a cheap coloring book, wrap it and write boy or girl on the front. Cut down on figuring out what to do and all the kids would basically get the same type of gift. We made adorable snowman cupcakes (half snowman...chocolate cake, half Cmas sprinkles...white cake due to one of Kaya's classmates not eating chocolate) that came out pretty cute. We also took a couple jugs of juice. We happily donated 48 cupcakes, plates, cups, napkins and two jugs of juice.
    

The teachers donated pizza for all the students, one parent donated her time and supplies so each child could make a cool Christmas tree ornament and then a couple of parents donated candy that went in the goody bags made by the teachers (each child got a new box of crayons, erasers, a pencil etc). The kids had a blast even though a few got upset over the book exchange because they thought they should get back their own books! lol A few parents didn't follow the rules and got expensive books with paint and markers on them etc but in general it went well. Kaya was super excited she got a new book. Of course Kaya's tooth decided to fall out right when they started to eat lol but she happily went to the office with her Daddy and got a cool tooth holder and rejoined the party :)
I LOVE that Steve comes to the parties. Rarely do any Dads ever help (I will say one besides Steve did this time!!) and the boys just love having Steve's attention. He listens to them, talks to them and really played up their cool books. It was nice to see the boys interacting with him. It does Steve good too.

reindeer games ;)

You would think that the party would last all the rest of the day since it started at 1 and school gets out at 2:50 but...the school only allotted from 1 to 2ish for the party and then the kids had to go to their special that day, which was PE. Mrs W told us to go with the kids and have fun watching them.
Oh we had a ball and tried hard to not laugh out loud. You have to picture a gym teacher complete with whistle and 1950s gung ho attitude towards phys ed with 20 kindergarten kids! LOL But she kept her cool well and sat up hula hoops in the middle of the gym. The kids had to pretend to be elves feeding the reindeer (hoops) with special feed (bean bags) after sledding (they use roller things) over to the deer. It was very comical. But the kids did well, even though a few had no attention span at all!!! The gym teacher did introduce herself and tell us that Kaya is a good kid, sweet and always tries. We also discussed her cough she had from her croup/mild asthma so that the gym teacher knew exactly what it was. She knows Kaya has an inhaler etc so it's not a biggie. All in all the gym time was fun and I'm glad we got invited to attend.
The whole day was fun! Love seeing Kaya so excited we helped out. Love hearing all the chatter. I think the neat thing was they split the room by girls and boys and each teacher did a special story for the coloring book swap. It was hilarious to watch the kids practice right and left!

The Day of the dreaded appt.......

 I worked a half day shift today so I could go with Steve to his appointment. Several work buddies were like "If I was you I would have stayed home all day" till I explained to them that I can't do that. One I don't want to waste vacation time when I may need it later on and if I sit and think..I worry. I broke down crying last night in the shower because...it's scary. It's scary never having an exact answer, never being able to plan things out how we want them to go, it's scary knowing what could happen to my husband and it's scary financially. So I cried in the shower lol and after Kaya went to bed Steve and I talked.
  Sooo to the appointment we went today. Very quiet, nervous laughter and then ...great news!! Dr B said Steve's MRI doesn't show enough significant change for her to feel comfortable moving him up on meds (once you tier completely to the top..you have nowhere to go. Steve is young and DR B doesn't want his options limited)!!! He will stay on his weekly shot and schedule. She did tell us that his hands are not releasing grip correctly. They are slowed down and his fingers don't release like yours or mine would. His ring finger on his right hand is moving on it's own because a lesion is currently on that nerve. It has done enough damage to the nerve that signals are fuzzy. Your finger knows where to "stay" and be at by that nerve. Steve's finger is constantly moving try to "Find" it's place and where it belongs. I never knew any of that and it's interesting information. If the lesion heals over and the nerve heals..his finger will stop. If not...then it may be permanent damage. Both Steve and Dr B decided to not use prescription meds to relax it unless it got worse because the meds could also make Steve feel tired. His tiredness is a combo of the weather and MS and she said he has to start making himself rest more. Steve worries he rests TOO much so it was good they talked about that. The back deal where Steve fell out of bed is a combo of stiff muscles and previous back issues. That is a relief because Steve was worried about lesions attacking his spine. Exercise should help it.
  We came out of that apt today skipping lol Smiles, laughing. Honestly people in the hospital probably thought we were nuts but I could care less. We've learned to not freak out but to celebrate every little thing. To others it may not seem a big deal..to us it does.
   We celebrated by picking Kaya up from school when it released and telling her the apt went great. She was all smiles :) Then home to fix one of Steve's fave meal and fix a cake. Hey, it's a party at the Hacienda lol
  

December...and the dreaded Drs appt.

  December has rushed in the door in a hurry. We've had some spotty snow flakes but nothing that screams normal December.
  We braced for a busy month. We had Addison Lou's 4th bday party on the 13th and we all had a ball. We have a jump house place in town now and that combined with someone dressed up as Minni Mouse, a frozen cake and lots of laughter added up to one fun party. So odd to think that almost 4 yrs ago (her bday is actually Dec 20th) we were all exhausted, huddled up in the hospital, a light snow covered everything waiting on Kim's little Miss to make her appearance. I remember it was almost 9pm, I was looking out the window watching the snow fall and just missing Kaya so much..when they hollered and said the baby was here. Holding that little bundle sure made all that wait and worry well worth it. She's growing into a beautiful little girl full of spunk and sass..a little mini me of her Mom. I love seeing how Kim's eyes light up being a Mommy and having both of them in our lives :)
  We also have been bracing ourselves for this week. The fun thing is Kaya's party is this week and we are room helpers. The part that makes me nervous is Steve's apt.
  We have had 3 sets of MRI's this year. We've researched, read, listened to and have been on pins and needles since Nov. Dr B ordered a full MRI scan in Nov (almost 4 hrs of fun for poor Steve...flat on his back and not moving. I got the lovely rickety chair that makes my butt go to sleep lol) but we wouldn't know the results until Dec 17th. Usually she calls...we've not got that call. His shots expired and we had to make several calls for a refill..which made me nervous. Add in the drug company calling and wanting to talk to Steve about alternative medicines he might want to take. Nerves are here for sure. As well as Steve has had some issues....his finger is moving on its own, he's been very tired and he fell out of bed one Saturday because his back wouldn't straighten out.
  We have 3 options that may happen.
Option 1:
  Nothing alarmingly new shows up on the MRI. Same general amount of lesions, no new ones. Steve will stay on his weekly MS shot, his monthly b12 and assorted vitamins and herbs. Pro: No fighting a new copay or side effects from meds. We know pretty much the course. 6 mo before another checkup. Cons: Steve has been fighting this feeling of ...that we pay for "snakeoil". He's relapsed twice on this shot but what would happen if he didn't take it. What are all the MRI's doing to him, what can stop relapsing and what is the shot really doing to his insides? All common questions and feelings. We are basically 3 yrs deep into this...we know what can and can't happen.

Option 2:
  There is some change on the MRI's or actively working lesions that haven't been there. Not tons of damage just enough to warrant a little boost. Steve will stay on his normal regimen and add in an IV bag at the hospital monthly. Pro: The Steroids build up his system, makes him feel perkier and are painless other than sitting for 3hrs while the bag empties. Con: expensive, aftertaste for Steve is horrible, reworking schedules (and unless my Mom is off...no one really to help with Kaya except my sis in law) and the fear Steve has that he'll have issues after taking so many steroids. He's had 3 rounds of them in 3 yrs give or take.
Option 3:
  The last option is the scariest. It means that there has been visible damage done since his last MRI about 6 mo ago. It will also mean an active lesion is causing some problem. Steve will have to change medicine. He'll go to a 3 times a week shot as well as his monthly b12 and vitamins/herbs. We are very nervous about this option because 3 shots bothers Steve only in the sense of constantly finding a spot that isn't sore from the week before..imagine doing that 3 times a week! Pro: A new way to attack MS with a possible decrease in relapse and lesion formation. Con: Cost...5000 before insurance and insurance isn't sure what they will cover as well as we may have to find a new copay program. Side effects...they range from mild to severe and in the back of my mind I think how hard Steve struggled with his Avonex shot. 2 months of the flu, edginess, sickness.

  So many people are uneducated on the disease and that makes it hard. I will admit before Steve had it I knew what it was generally but not personally or fact wise. I never realized that if the disease decides to attack a nerve ending in Steve's brain that controls his heart or lungs..he can die in his sleep. Maybe I realized it but I never thought it out in that way. I've always made it very clear that I have to be strong..and that is true. I can't sit back and feel pity for him, for us. I can't stress over every ache, every bill. I can't break down and cry all the time. That serves no purpose and only stresses Steve. Stress then increases his body issues and he doesn't need that..and I honestly am not a break down person. We have prepped Kaya for this appt. She knows that Daddy may change medicines but that he is ok. So basically all we can do is hope for the best come the 17th and if we hear bad news...we digest it, talk about it and suck it up and get over it lol We've learned a sense of humor, not dwelling and stopping to breath helps more than anything

The month of Nov

 The month of November seems to have flew by and without blinking I have missed blogging anything!!
  October finished up with Kaya having a super cold Trick or Treat night (thankful for a costume that she layered up under!!) She was a Skeleton girl and did her own makeup which looked great. She has a rule..nothing to pretty. She can ooh and awww over other girls dressed as Princesses, cute witches etc but she likes things more on the scary side for herself. She LOVES Halloween.
  November blew in with nutty weather...way too warm some days, super cold with a skiff of snow on a few days. I always have to work Thanksgiving so it's a given that we do Thanksgiving here on Sat. We hosted Steve's Mom, brother, his daughter, her little sister and their friend. Wayy too many good food items and Steve once again rocked out an awesome turkey. Emily came this year and brought her new boyfriend. Very nice boy. But it's odd to see our little Emily dating. She should still be 3 running around all wild haired and dirty faced...not looking like a beautiful young lady. Of course he got put on the fire a few times..but he survived and is suppose to come back for Christmas Eve lol
  Sunday we took dinner down to my Dad's and had a great time. Kaya always loves being at Pappaw's house.
  Kaya managed to talk me into putting our tree up 2 weeks before Thanksgiving which something we never do ...but she is so much like me. She loves the lights. She managed to talk my Dad into putting his up on Thanksgiving weekend and he has NEVER put his up before the day before Christmas Eve so she is a good persuader. lol
  Survived the Thanksgiving sale nuttiness and I'll save my rant on people's materialism and need to be giant buttheads all in the name of a cheap tv or crockpot!!
  Rounded out the month with Steve doing his MRI on my day off. Almost 4 hrs of him laying flat in a machine and me sitting in a rickety old chair trying to make it not squeak when I had to move lol He did excellent though and we go for a rather big appointment in Dec. Not so looking forward to that but it is what it is.

November as Native American Heritage Month

 November is not only the month for Thanksgiving but also the month for Native American Heritage Month. I've often heard people say no race in the US should have it's own month as we are the melting pot of the world. I've heard what race should get each month since there are so many various and beautiful races contained in the US? I've also heard that it's racist for there to even be specific Heritage months. I've always thought about all of that and I see all points of the arguments. To me I see it as simply showcasing the various races in the US but I can say as a mixed Native woman..sometimes November being Native American Heritage month gnaws at me.
  Obviously November is picked due to Thanksgiving. A story that is often told lovingly slanted. The US was populated upon the Pilgrim's arrival. There was religion, a culture, languages and even a trade/monetary system. When the Pilgrims landed they were ecstatic to have reached land, to be alive and to pursue their religion and beliefs without fear of prosecution. They were unprepared for this rugged new landscape (I'll gloss over the fact that they had purposely chose an area away from "savages" and upon hearing that many had already died in the area...settled on their landing spot and community.)and between sickness, lack of farming skills and tools, and an ignorance of the land they began to starve. A very well educated Native by the name of Squanto saw what was going on (he had been taken to Spain as a slave and was later sold  in England. Upon arrival back at the US via escape he found his entire village dead from small pox so he began to live in another Native community) and used his ability to speak English to act as interpreter between the two groups. When Natives saw the Pilgrims starving they taught them how to grow crops on the land, fish etc. Come "thanksgiving" both sides sat down to a meal to celebrate harvest. It was not a massive feast as we think of now but it kept them from starving. Unfortunately Natives are no more perfect than English and there was fights and disagreements. But the Pilgrims drifted from their love of religious freedom and began to push "the heathen" out of the "savages" and relations deteriorated (once again..I won't go into detail of some English colonies committing horrible crimes dressed as Indians or how some colonist actually ate their "native friends")  Fast forward many years....
   Natives survived small pox, survived government sanctioned massacres, treaty violations, as prisoners on reservations while their land was taken (interesting side note is that reservations to this day are still classified as POW camps!), faced religious persecution till the late 1970's and fought hard (literally...Natives make up the biggest minority rate per race population to serve in the Armed forces...even serving before they were considered citizens!) to gain citizenship rights and benefits. Today they still face stereotypes, out of date ideas, government harassment and persecution via health care/education/land issues, have been violated through treaty rights and personal rights repeatedly. They've lost land rights, water rights and hunting rights. Their languages are in a steady decline (not for all tribes but many) and most have seen a mixing of other religions with their tribal religions.We've fought blood quantum issues, tribal enrollment issues and we have each searched out our own way in this world. We all constantly hear the stereotype of "You're an Indian and  you don't drink?? or "Of course you drink, you're Indian. You guys like that you just can't tolerate it"
   To me every month is of course National Native American month lol but I hate that our culture is so tightly wound to simply a holiday and moment in time. I hate that most can't think of Indians unless they think of Pilgrims. I hate how we listed as "peaceful, loving, earth based people" because to be honest some tribes were vicious, we didn't see ourselves as one single nation (A notion I find interesting...I've often heard "if they would all have banded together they would have beat the Spaniards etc"...each nation is it's own people, own language, culture and ideas.) and we each varied in how we saw our Creation, our lives. The only thing I can say is that through most tribes of the US we have a kinship to each other because we know that struggle in some shape or form. I also believe that most tribes have a basic belief that our Earth is our life. There is no sacred ritual to perfom as everything we do daily is a moment of faith, a moment of blessing....we are all a strand in the web of life.
   Maybe it's because I've always been curious about other religions, cultures, ways of life...but I don't necessarily believe you have to dictate one month each year to a certain race/culture. If schools did a firm job of teaching about all things, honestly..and yes even white culture ...then there would be less hatred and ignorance in the world.
  As a mother to a child that has been thought of as being a light skinned Mexican, an Afghan descendant and many other things..I simply laugh. All that matters to me in this world is that Kaya knows who SHE is and WHAT she is...not just race wise.

Sometimes difficult things

  Sometimes difficult things spring up along the way in life. You fret, you sweat and you wonder how you'll piece it together or keep your sanity.
  Imagine if  family and family life was like a fixer upper house. Yes, you get bogged down in details at time and frustrated at how things go but you don't just walk away you keep trying to make each room the beauty you see in your mind's eye. You never truly walk away because there is so much of "you and yours" instilled in it.
  I think family is like that but lately I've had it less than easy in that field. I cannot point the finger at just one person or situation and to be honest I know too that at times I'm pointing at myself. Do I wear my heart on my sleeve too much...yes I'm sure I do. Do I feel over protective when I need to not be...yes I do. Do I find myself questioning exactly how someone says something..yes I do. And those problems are mine alone. Noone can fix them but me. But some issues I've been seeing/hearing and dealing with are not just mine.
  I often wish to be the type of person that sees the beauty under the pain. That sees the inner core and lets go of the outer core. That I could feel even more love and compassion for those that face the world with anger, hurt and unknown pain. That I could feel deeper for those that feel no love for themselves. To not feel the bitter edge of aggrevation when dealing with the ones that feel the need to constantly one up someone else, or over act to compensate for what they are lacking inside (whether true or just feeling lacking).
  I really honestly try very hard to strive to be that kind of person. I feel I succeed some days...fail horribly others. But....where does the person draw the line of fixing up a relationship, of being the one to always have compassion when the other person is standing on your foot?
  I've noticed more and more exactly where me and my little family are situated in the big picture. We will always be frame right and not in the ending credits if you get my gist. Facebook is a tool for positivity but I've found that certain people that SHOULD be a positive influence have to be moved to "out of time feed" or whatever it's called. I just can't take reading all day their gripes, their attitudes. And then add in when everything is kept a huge secret and they slip up and tell..holy moly their world crumbles. They don't understand it doesn't bother me/us..we are happy they are happy and that's it.
  We are never going to be in the big scheme of things. We have dealt with excuses, with "how are we going to make this work" for years. It's not. You cannot talk out of both sides of your mouth and every single relationship takes work, elbow grease and the desire for all involved to be just that..involved.
  I could list my hurt feelings, instances that prove my point, even the gossip. But I won't because I was raised to be above that. To realize folks are not all the same and you either deal with them as they are or you walk away. I have come to the conclusion that we are the only ones putting in the elbow grease. Do we cancel dinners and get togethers? No because we genuinely enjoy it, they always go well and Kaya loves family time. So I have issued a mind set to myself|
1. I cannot fix people and situations that have no desire to be fixed. It's not fair to me to try and be hurt..and it's not fair to those that don't want to change to be hurt.
2. I am me. Funny, crazy, family oriented, maker of big meals, sometimes tenderhearted me. I am not changing. I won't change. I have my faults and I could easily list them. But I won't become how others are to "fit in", to make things "smooth" or to get rid of any feelings I have.
3. I will continue to be myself. I'll help Steve host gatherings, I will prepare meals for those in need/sick etc, I will send cards/texts/messages to check on people. I won't let someone else's view on things change me.
4. I will enjoy my life and my little families life. If others want to be bitter, mad, sad or list their woes..they can. I can hear them, I can read them and I can love them...I do not have to follow suit.
5. Kaya cannot miss what she has never had or felt. If I bring it up constantly how they are not involved then she will think it's odd and hurt. I won't do that. Once she's older and sees how things are THEY can answer her. It won't be me causing her pain.
6. I am letting go. Letting go doesn't mean you don't care and love someone..just means you are no longer forcing them to.
7.I'm no longer reading and staying up on gossip and the such. When I've been told "things" going on I simply nip it in the bud and say not my business. It's not caring it's just not being an ear for others that don't have time for us and it's keeping myself out of unneeded drama.
8. Drama stops. PERIOD!
9.I'm trying hard to not feel hurt over things and doubly hard on not saying things. Not that I'm being walked all over. I'm simply not letting things get under my skin. And when it's said or posted to us I simply let it go. Will me saying "this is what I think" make them change their mind or do different? No so why waste the time arguing about it.
10. I realized one day that I was becoming as bad as those I complained about..because it was always on the tip of my tongue to say how they act, how nutty they are or something like that. It wasn't speaking much of my character to say that. Plus we are the role models for Kaya, how she reacts and handles things etc. I could care less how others do and act but I won't have my kid thinking it's ok to be mad or bitter...and see it come from me.
11. I'm truly happy. Good husband, wonderful kid, home, happy life...why dwell on what others never want to fix but want to complain about? :)

Did I happen to mention....

   Kaya had talked to us last night about how much she wanted to get student of the day. They call it Red Star Student of the Day. We told her to keep trying hard, to listen to the teacher, follow all the rules and do her best. IF she go it, great, if not...as long as she was trying and doing her best..she was already our Red Star Student of the Day.
  Lo and behold little butt got off the bus and broke her neck to show us her certificate!! She did it. She earned Star Student of the day for listening, being kind and sharing etc. VERY proud of her. She was simply ecstatic over it and beamed all night.
  It has a nice little place on the fridge for everyone to admire :) :)

First Progress Report

   You'd almost think it was ME going to school not Kaya lol but I've been on pins and needles for Kaya's first progress report. I'm fully aware she's not a perfect student, she doesn't know every single thing but I am just curious to how she is doing.
  Her report was outstanding. Pleasure to have in class, pays attention, kind, respectful and no behavioral or learning problems :) One happy Mamma for sure.

Grandpa would be 92 today

   As much as I'm in awe of the fact Grandpa would be 92 today...it's hard to say "would have been". I could say he was the finest man walking this earth but I was blessed with two grandpas of that nature. I could say he was the best grandparent a kiddo could have...but I was blessed with two sets of them.
  Today I have been missing my grandparents a lot. Maybe it's school starting and seeing my own kiddo taking those first steps, maybe it's me being emotional...whatever it is I just miss them a lot today. I'm one of those people that hold onto memories and photos more than I hold onto objects..and today when I felt the tears building up..I thought what a blessed woman I am.
  Some kids come into this world rich, some dirt poor. Me...I came into this world smack dab in the middle...poor enough to know what hand me downs, hauling water, and hash was...but rich enough to always have a roof over my head and some just plain awesome people in my life.
  I could fill a book with memories of growing up. Canning jars turned into lightening bug keepers as my Granny and Grandpa sat on the porch enjoying the evening. Hay fields that became secret mazes as long as you wasn't caught in them ;) Sunday dinners with family, the newspaper and laughs. Sweet tea on the porch after running our legs off after cattle.Dirt pies, corn bin surfing, many a trip taken on our "huge boat" also known as Grandpa R's hay wagon. Grandma R loading us kids up and her painting supplies and heading to the woods for the day. Metal wash tubs for summer baths, kerosene lamp puppet shows when heavy snow knocked the lights out. Butchering, gardening, canning. I could write a recipe book out of the meals my grandmas, Mom and aunts made. Family gathered in rooms so small people would wonder how we all fit. Holidays full of love, laughter, food, family and a gift. Our gifts back then sure wasn't the stuff you see now and we didn't get stockings full of stuff but we did always get an orange (and I continue this with Kaya today...she loves it).
  I have had people in my husband's family tell me it would be wonderful to be born into such a life...and I can't humble myself and say "Oh well now"...because it was and it is. They say it must be amazing to be born into such love...and that is an understatement. I cannot think of one time that my heart hasn't lifted when I am with my family. Even in moments of heartbreak...we pull together and we come out of it stronger.
  Some of us have strayed off the path, some of us I know my grandparents would not be proud of. They would love that person but they would scold them and try to show them the right way. But I know that they love every single one of us for ourselves and watch over us daily. It's hard to have great aunt and great uncles and uncles added to the list of those that have passed but I'm thankful for the knowledge, the morals, the life they have shown us.
  Today Grandpa W is in heaven having a great party. Granny didn't like to bake sweets..lol..so Grandma R is probably making his lemon meringue pie. Grandpa R is giving Granny a hard time and she's telling him to behave before he gets it. Grandpa W has on his bib overalls with his blue hanky hanging out the back. Granny R is laughing with her face covered with her apron like she did when we were kids. Grandpa R has his farm hat and his twist of chew in ;) And they are happy, healthy and watching over all of us.

What I am....

Wrote this awhile back. Definitely how I feel about my upbringing, myself and our life. I'm thankful every day for the lessons I learned, the family I grew up with and share life with still, for my grandparents, for parents that loved me...and for a way of life that some may not always understand. I've always teased rural upbringing is different and the older I get the more I see it is. Our girl knows where her food comes from, grows it in the garden and knows family means a safe place to take your shoes off,have a meal and have a laugh. I'm thankful for family that keeps her in the fold, that loves her and the knowledge that is being passed to her :)

Some people like to talk about the royal linage back in their bloodlines or financial tycoons in the family...for me I can honestly say there is very little of that. But what I come from is dirty workboots and sweaty farm hats, lightening bugs on a warm summer night, glasses of sweet tea and tables of food, cousins laughing and enough memories to fill a book. There's not too much make up and rouge but lots of elbow grease, creativity and the ability to make a feast from little,and turn a field into profit.I come from canning jars, knowing your eggs came from the hen house and what signs to run for your garden. I came from grandparents that meant/still mean the world to us kiddos, from aunts and uncles that were second parents, from cousins that we may pick on each other but let someone else mess with one of us and the whooping starts LOL From men that talk rough but can bandage a boo boo on a kid's knee. From women that knew exactly how to be strong women and good Moms. I come from hand me down clothes and the joy of new school shoes mixed with "UGH WE GOTTA WEAR SHOES??" because we've ran barefoot all summer. You won't find too many CEOs or names that appear in the Times but you'll find the people that make my world go 'round, a group of nutballs far richer than any millionaire. You may not find mansions but you'll find more love than you could ever imagine and anyone at the house is given a plate and a seat. I come from home remedies and back wood cures, almanacs, nature telling you the weather and the fact that you should be thankful to have the luxuries of cable/running water and air conditioning. I came from the belief that you can do whatever you want to do if you work hard but remember where your roots are planted. I've always told Kaya to be proud of what she's made of and where she comes from. I sure am.
http://youtu.be/Lb9q1ScC4cg See More

 

Our first full week of Kindergarten

    Seems like the weekend flew super fast and before we knew it ...Monday had arrived. Monday, the first full day of kindergarten. Kaya quickly informed us she would NOT be getting a ride from us, not even on the first day because "I ain't no little ole baby".
  Her days pretty much went like this:
1.Kaya bounds out of bed happy and excited.
2. Hair is braided up ("not too tight. Not too loose. Make sure my hair ties match my outfit Mamma")
3.We are doing hangers...she picks out five outfits on Sunday night and puts them on hangers. She hangs what outfit she will wear on the door knob the night before. So she gets dressed
4.Shoes and socks are the biggest obstacle so she likes to push them till last. She HATES socks. Hates them. Seams, material, length...hates them.
5.Breakfast is had
6. Teeth brushed
  And she's ready to go. She usually is ready in time to chill a bit before walking to the bus stop (So thankful that we can walk her to the neighbors drive for the bus pickup ..our drive comes out on the side of a hill and is just too scary for her to try and use for a bus stop!!)
   How did the first week go?Actually great for all 3 of us. She had two days she got her clip moved down one color because she was talking to a friend during quiet time and because she was counting blocks with her hands (picture a bear walking on all fours lol). A quick reminder that the teacher is boss from us as well as the reminder that if she gets moved down in color 3 times she loses a toy of OUR choice for a week....and everything was smooth sailing on the talking front ;)
  We did pretty awesome too. It was hard. Very hard. Super hard. Did I mention it was hard?? 9 hours give or take without my shadow, my sidekick, my partner in crime. A quiet house. Just odd. I can say this first week I haven't strayed too far from home. Yes the school has my cell number but the newbie kindergarten parent in me fears not hearing it if I'm out or being in a non signal zone (happens a lot around here) and her needing me. Guess that is what it really all boils down to huh? Her needing me. My fear of her being hurt, scared or just needing me and I'd miss the call. Thankfully we never had that issue this week. And she found the right bus every day (they do have teachers to help ;) )
   I know this is our first week of MANY new adventures. Just one of the many times her wings will spread, her confidence grow. Just one of many that our hearts will skip a beat in excitement mixed with our own worry and fear. And just one of many times that she will simply ROCK IT OUT!!!
  Very proud of her. She's doing great, super excited and looking forward to her school year and even her long (35 to 40 minutes!!) bus ride. So here is to a school year of fun and learning!
**** Hanger system works awesome but I have found to just let her pick the socks that morning. Our house has constant sock issues lol so it's just easier if she picks them right then.
****I'm using the tips I've got from other Moms for her hair. I mix tea tree oil straight into her shampoo, shake well and use. Tea tree oil smells strong in the shampoo but doesn't once her hair is dry.And it deters lice. I also keep it in a mister bottle because with curly hair unless it's super hot out and she's sweaty...you can't wash it every night or it dries the curls out. So we use the mister bottle on those days.  I am also spraying her hair everyday with hairspray. Tames the frizzies and flyaways and once again..lice hate hairspray. The smell and they can't cling to the hair. Call me paranoid if you want but with her curly thick hair..I do NOT want to battle lice. Granny always said it's not a sin to get it but it's a sin to keep them. I am going to try my best to NOT have to battle them
**** Love too how backpack matches her lunchbox (super cool she says). Hate how the sticker part of her lunchbox came loose the first day. A little duct tape secretly stuck on the back of the sticker worked miracles and you can't tell. She has a back up lunchbox but dang it we just bought this one LOL so glad that tip worked well.

New Compost Box

      We decided to use some of our free time  (and lets be honest Steve was bored out of his gourd waiting on a computer part to ship lol) and decided to tackle the compost box plans we had. Our old one works awesome but is so low it's very hard to get dirt out of it. Plus it's old and the wood was rottening....it had once been a rabbit hutch and Steve made it into a box.
  Sooo we gathered up supplies and made our new. Best feature of this box is it cost nothing. We had the meal worm boxes with wire bottoms in the garage. We had the two large pallet boxes in the side yard in Steve's "yard gold" as he lovingly calls it. Chicken wire we always have. So it cost nothing. :)
  Steve made a pattern using the boxes so we'd have a sifter level in the top box. This will hold the big items till they break down and fall into the bottom box as dirt or smaller particles. The bottom box has a scoop hole in the front so dirt can easily be taken out. A bonus is he made the box higher so the neighborhood dog won't nose through it lol and it's also a more manageable height.
  When he built it he put it on the side of the house where our garden beds are so I don't have to haul dirt as far. It gets tons of sun and it blends in really well with the honeysuckle etc. He also left the pallet board on the side to hold shovels, rakes etc. I can also frame a piece of lattice on it and grow vining plants which I'm thinking about doing. It would make it blend in even more!! Add in too that he put it by a window so in our lovely super wet springs or cold snowy winters we don't have to tredge outside simply open the window (It's a plus that our compost rarely "stinks"...) We can walk around or use the window :)
  Pretty proud of him. Especially since he was feeling rough this morning but got the project done :)

First day of school...kindergarten orientation

   Each class today met at a certain time, for one hour, to meet their classmates and us parents to meet the teacher and get her outline for the year. I was probably more nervous than Kaya. I come from a small school district and to be honest I was just nervous period lol
  The teacher was instantly nice and I didn't get that odd vibe off of her. She outlined her class and I like her way of thinking. She says a student shouldn't lose recess to punish bad behavior when most times it's extra energy that causes the problem to begin with. Instead they lose fun things they want to do in the classroom, may have to walk laps at recess those sorta things. She also said that every student is just themselves and the focus needs to be on positive and that students needs. All around I liked her. She will be gone the first week due to it's her last week of maternity leave (she just had her 5th baby). She has a teacher assistant that I liked as well. They both came off as kid first and realistic which is how it needs to be with kindergarten kids in my opinion.
  We had everything on her supply list but they asked for us to bring in a regular size towel for rest time. Easy thing to do.
  So orientation went well, Kaya was sad to leave lol and we found out that there are at least 2 in the class that Steve or I one know the kid's parents. So that was nice.
  Now one weekend till the big day. I feel excited, proud, antsy...and I did not tear up today LOL

Open house for school

     For one hour this evening was meet and greet the teacher, see your classroom and the school. To say Kaya loved it was an understatement. She was busting at the seams when I got home to get there.
   We went straight back to her class ( I didn't tear up at the tiny little coat hooks). Her teacher met us at the door, dropped her supplies into the right tote (compared to some our list was small). Viewed the classroom (I didn't cry over the tiny little chairs and tables). Saw a few of her classmates and read their names aloud on the chalkboard.
   Then we ventured out into the hallway to find the gym and listen to her tell us what they do there. Then we saw the library, the music room, the cafeteria and the computer room. (I didn't tear up over the tiny water fountains, tiny sinks).
  We purchased a school tshirt and Kaya was in heaven.
  So we took our first strides towards her first big day. I liked the school (Steve went there for awhile and he liked it as a kid), the layout and the staff. We had did a mini tour on registration day but most rooms were closed so this time we could see in them, see the teachers etc.
  And I didn't tear up ;)

Kids mimic what they see more than what they are told....

 We all want our children to be thankful, gracious, kind, well mannered, humble...the list continues on...little creatures. We often speak of these lessons over and over to our kids. But how many times ourselves do we practice what we preach?
  I was humbled this afternoon when we took Kaya down to my Dad's. Dad lives on the small family farm where I grew up as well. Kaya absolutely loves it down there. Running with her Pappaw's dog, hunting frogs, checking the garden and playing with her chickens. We raise chickens at my Dad's and it's her fave thing to gather eggs and feed them. She especially likes that she now has a baby chick she has named Luna :)
  Anyways...we pulled up in the drive and the house was locked tight, no note nothing. So we decided to wait around and see if Dad showed up. He often helps neighbors out so we usually give him a bit if we arrive and he's not home. We busied ourselves feeding the chickens, checking the garden. I noticed his water jugs for the chickens and garden were empty. Dad puts buckets out to gather rain water from his gutters for the chickens and garden. We had some massive rainstorms that morning and his buckets were to the brim. The sky was dark and another round of rain was predicted. So Kaya and I grabbed up the empty jugs and proceeded to fill them from the buckets. My logic was if we filled them up and another rain storm came before Dad got home...he'd not lose water to an overflow and be ahead of the game. Kaya sat on the porch step watching me. Then she said something that not only humbled me but also made me think.
   "Mamma you do nice stuff for Pappaw without ever being asked. You knew he'd want that water for the chickens and the garden and you just did it. That is just really nice and kind". She grabbed a filled jug and sat it on the porch.
   After we got home I got to thinking about what she said. Here we all as parents worry so much how your children will turn out when in reality WE mold them and how WE do things is what they will learn. I've never told Kaya to gather the water or that we should just do it when we see it needs done. I just do it and she helps. My 6 yr old reminded me how important empathy for others is and how far kindness goes. She not only heard us say at some point "Be kind and treat others how you want to be treated" and "Sometimes we just do for those that need it" ...she has also seen us put that in action. That made me feel like a proud parent.
   I'm not bragging on us, I'm not patting myself on the back. Just glad that our kiddo saw our words in action, We cannot teach our kids to be kind, thankful and grateful for what they have if we constantly want more, never turn our hand for others or show thanks.

Kindercamp Graduate :)

  Presenting 2014 Kindercamp Graduate Kaya :) To say we are proud is an understatement. She completed four weeks of fun and learning.
   Four weeks ago we entered into this deal nervous all around. Kaya's never had daycare or preschool but scored well on her roundup tests and plays well with others. But it was worrying her because she didn't want to attend school, didn't want to be away from us and worried about riding a bus and not having Daddy right there with her. We worried about the first day of "big school" as she calls it because other than when I'm at work we are rarely ever without her at our side. And it's scary trusting your precious cargo to another handler. So all 3 of us entered into this a bit nervous and unsure but we put on our happy you can do it face and at 8:35am June 30th Kaya started camp.
   Camp consisted of a bus pickup, a small breakfast at the local middle school, recess and a mini school day complete with teachers, assistants,volunteers. They did mini work stations, played and had fun while being tested the first week and the last week to see how well they did. The last half hour they went back to the middle school for lunch (our local school does free lunches all summer long to help offset kids that do not get to eat. The camp program incorporated the meal to teach the kids how to do the cafeteria. And honestly some children in the program would not have received lunch without it.) then the bus ride home...nearly an hour for Kaya. She was one sweaty girl every day lol when she got off that bus.
    I can say all four weeks she got right up on time. We had her get up at what would be her normal time for big school so I could do her hair, outline her day and then Steve took over making sure she was dressed, brushed her teeth and had her supplies. He walked her to the bus stop as well. She never missed one day and honestly loved every single day.
   At the end of her program she brought home her alphabet book they made and I loved that they had to use items found around their homes. For H she used happiness and for L she used Love. I'm very glad she sees that so much around her home :) They also did a daily journal and it cracked me up. She had interesting thoughts each day. One was her drawing of me breaking beans. One was of her Dad making her laugh. Very neat book. I have kept a folder of all her work she did and I'm going to try my best to keep doing that for her main work and art during her regular school years.
    The program is definitely beneficial for children in the community that needs that extra boost due to lack of parental involvement, lack of options for preschool. But it was great for our little family because it gave Kaya the confidence to see she could make friends outside of her cousins, that she could do school, be away from us for a bit and not be worried and scared. That she could master the bus ride, that teachers do care.
   Did we answer some hard questions? Yes. She was very worried about a fellow classmate who told her that he had to get rid of his dog and slept in a tent. It's hard at that age to know if he meant they were camping or if he honestly was living in an tent. It was hard to hear the worry in Kaya's voice when she said some of her classmates didn't get a snack when they got off the bus and why would they not? That we have one for her. Why didn't all the kids Moms and Dads help and care for their kids? We answered them as truthful as we could even though it broke our hearts. We all know that out there in our communities families are struggling, some trying hard but just can't make that extra to have enough to have a snack for their kids or extra milk or whatever.
  The program showed us that we can let Kaya spread her wings without so much fear. That others do care about our child like we do and even though we can never let our guard down fully....that we can do it and so can she. That even though we run life one way here at the Hacienda and the real world is raw and hard...we can guide Kaya. That our morals, our beliefs and our way of seeing and doing things will still be instilled in our daughter while she spreads her wings.
  I will admit I cried when I left that bus stop on the first day and I teared up when she showed me her diploma on the last day. She's my heart walking around, my reason, my life...and I'm so proud of her :)
  The 29th we register her officially for Kindergarten. So hard to believe......

Fun Bday party :)

  Kaya bounced around from one idea to another on her cake and party design. We always make her cake (excluding her very first), come up with a neat party and we always let her select the theme. After all it is her special day. First she went with LalaLoopsy. I was excited..super easy and lots of ideas. Then it went to Mario Brothers. Ok...little harder but doable. Then Tom and Jerry...near impossible to find and do. Then Princess...which she changed herself due to she had a cousin just have a Princess party. Then she settled on Minions from Despicable Me but wanted to do a beach scene.
   The idea came together great and with the 3 of us...Steve, me and Kaya...pitching in we had a great party.
  Kaya and I mixed up and baked one funfetti white cake. After it cooled I put it on a cake sheet (To be honest I used a cereal box that was headed for the recycling bin and put several layers of aluminum foil onto it to stiffen it up...worked like a charm!). I iced it in a crumb coating with white then iced it all over with  vanilla icing. For the sand I used brown sugar and made my "beach". For the water I used blue icing then topped it with zig zag lines of sparkly blue icing. Simply took a small spoon, used the back of the spoon and worked the "waves" into the water. Toy Minions from the Surprise Bags were used for toppers. Along with gummy sharks in the water, gummy sea turtles venturing all over the cake, a life saver candy for the water toy and umbrellas meant for drinks became sun umbrellas :)
   To round out the party we made and decorated 57 cupcakes (chocolate and yellow cake) with half of them done in blue icing to look like the ocean and topped with gummy turtles or sharks. The other half we did in white icing, sprinkled brown sugar on to make sand and then made candy crabs for the tops. I LOVED the crab idea Steve found online and it came out great.
   

We used candy orange slices turned with the bend down (so it formed sort of a U shape). Then we cut 4 toothpicks in half. On two toothpicks we put orange Dots (a gummy candy) then used icing to stick candy eyes onto the dots. These made the eyes of the crab. For the pinchers we cut peach gummies in half, trimmed them down and stuck them to toothpicks..one on each side..and pushed them into the orange slices. The kids loved them.
 We also did jello cups of "Sea water" with white surf and Minions playing in the water :)
 

Simply make blue Jello, put a decent amount into a clear cup. After it sets up and right before the party add a bit of Reddi Whip or cool whip to the top of the jello. Then we stuck in a Minion honey gram. Instant Minion fun. We also decided to make a plate of Twinkie Minions simply because..they are cute lol We used a Twinkie, glued a candy eye or eyes on with icing, traced around the eye(s) in black icing and did a tiny mouth smiling. We even used purple spray icing for the wild Purple Minion :)

How the party table looked
 We even did a small fondue pot of yellow chocolate that the kids could dip marshmallows into to make mini minions. We cut up sweet bread too for dipping.
 The party was awesome but most important wasn't Kaya's cake and table, gifts or anything like that..it was hearing her say "Of course I'm excited for gifts I'm a kid. But I'm excited for my family to come!!"
  She was doubly excited when her gift came a couple days later from her Uncle in Cali. It really made her day to know he sent a gift "from waaaayyy out there...all the waaaayyy herre!" :)

6 yrs ago today!!!!

   At apx 1:11 am six years ago today my heart grew so large I thought it would burst. I had always heard the minute you hold your child you not only cry but you realize what love at first sight means. And I sure did! After all our visitors left that early morning and before the next round would come that afternoon..I looked at my baby girl. All 9lbs 5 oz, 19 1/2 inches of perfection. Round cheeks, dark hair, 10 fingers and 10 toes. My heart skipped a beat just holding her. Still to this day when I put her to bed I tend to find myself staring at her. Her curly hair, honey colored eyes...the only miracle Steve and I have ever performed but what a wonderful one!
  Every step in life is exciting. I've learned that you may win the Bad Mommy award this afternoon because you said no but by night fall you're the "bestest Mommy ever" :)
  Kaya has taught me to slow down and really "see" life. To notice those small things that make life beautiful. She's taught me patience, unconditional love, and that sometimes the things I've thought was a fault in me..is perfection in her eyes :) She's taught me to forgive and move on, to see the world through a child's eyes and to just be myself. She's taught me that my heart runs around on long legs, that no matter what goes on in life we are a team...it's the 3 of us facing it together :) She's taught me that sometimes I have to let her be brave (even if it give me white hair) or how will she ever be brave later in life??!! She's taught me that being the Mamma of a tomboy in a tiara isn't always easy but there really is no better job. She's brought out at times things that I needed to have slap me in the face.....child logic is sometimes blunt but always honest. And she's brought home that real love..knows no boundaries.
  I love her zany unique sense of humor and way of looking at life. I love that she is herself and could care less if other girls act a certain way..she is true to herself. I love how she says "Oh my my hair is rather wonky today". I love how she loves a person for who they are..not what they have. I love that she is blunt but never to the point of rude, I love that she is independent (even though it's getting harder to see that as a pro as she gets older lol), that she wants to be a veterinarian, and that she has an empathetic heart. Don't get me wrong she's far from perfect. Bull headed, stubborn, sassy and at times down right pushing me to the limits...but that is how a child learns right from wrong and grows. She's not perfect..but she is our imperfect and that is perfect :)
  At 6 Kaya stated
fave color: purple, pink, red, blue and green
fave drink: milk, water, sweet tea and a pop if I can have one!!
fave food: passghetti (spaghetti) or chicken
fave snackfood : ooohhh my there's many
fave veggie: hmmm probably tomatoes and corn!
fave takeout: Chinese or Mexican
fave game to play: hide n seek
fave thing about herself: everything. I'm happy being me :)
fave part of the day: anytime I'm with family
fave part of her bday: I've gotta say gifts because I'm a kid and that's what kids really think. But I                                            love my family and my cool cakes too!
How did she feel turning 6: I knew it happened because I felt taller. My feet also feel bigger. I'm sure                                                of it. I'm not some ole baby anymore!
    So Kaya Rain...I hope you always see yourself as I see you. Do I want you to touch the stars? Yep one day but not too soon..I want you to always challenge yourself to be better, do the things you love and keep growing in all ways. I hope you all see yourself as beautiful, smart, funny and well loved. I hope you reach all your goals and surpass even your wildest dreams. I hope too that you always remember that your roots are always here and with this family..but to never be afraid to branch out and see the world,enjoy life and to LIVE. I hope I stay your "bestest friend forever" and that you never let society, school or life wear you down or join the crowd.
  My baby is 6. Where has the time went???? Love you baby girl. Forever you'll be our sweet punkin butt, Daddy's little rat ;) and our world :)

Set your standard...

  I will hold myself to a standard of Grace, not perfection. I really seriously like that saying.
  To some Grace is a religious ideal...saved by grace, living in grace and forgiving as Christ would. To some it's living a giving good life. To some it's only focusing on one area of life at a time.
  To me it means to live within my means in all areas. To forgive myself as I would others. To see my pluses, to live my life simpler, calmer and happier. To allow myself to step away from the idea of perfection..it's not possible and you'll go nuts attaining it. Sure you can wipe the sink out 100 times a day but honestly...it's not really doing anything but calming your insane perfections.
  Now don't get me wrong. Standards are good, needed and perfection is attained..but it's through realizing that your perfect is not my perfect. That your life works for you (or doesn't ..then you need to reevaluate and try again) and mine works for me. I have my own little things I have to do and to some they are nutty..to be they keep me calm. There is no snapshot of what perfection is yet all of us try so hard to attain it. We try so hard to reach that goal, to seek that approval that we don't live in the moment, we don't value what we have because we are constantly looking for the "perfect" thing. It doesn't exist. My life, myself, my child, my husband, my home, my job, my friends...none of it is perfect. But how boring it would be if it was. There would be no room for improvement. No room to grow. No need to try things, to test the water. I firmly believe too that people that pressure themselves for perfection will then pressure their spouses and that leads to marriage issues unneeded. You married the man for better or worse and unless it was something insane along the way..you knew who you was marrying. Don't "fix him and make him perfect"..love him as you would want to be loved...totally imperfections and all. I also believe it trickles down to children and then we have 8 yr olds with ulcers because they aren't color coordinating their lives away, aren't firmly in that "box" of life. Pffft Kaya will never be forced to be like another child. I hate labels and I hate bullies and I won't be one myself.
  To parent in Grace isn't going to make it easier. To be honest it makes you face yourself daily. It makes you face your struggles but it also makes you realize you are human. It calms you. It makes you realize that you shouldn't be feeling that life will end if the laundry isn't folded. I think it's important to show your child chores have to be done but I think we need to show them balance. Noone ever says at a funeral of a parent "I loved watching her do dishes. I really liked never playing outside because she needed to do the towels." or "I loved Dad. He was never around, never involved but the man brought home great pay". Sorta blunt but you see what I mean!
  So in my daily life I wear many, many hats. Wife, Mamma, sister, daughter, in law, employee, boo boo bandager, meal maker, organizer, gardener, lawn keeper..and I wear them each imperfectly happily :) Some days I'm more one than the other. My happy cup will be to the top and spilling over. Other days it's nearly empty and I wonder how I'm going to make it. Then I stop, refocus and see what life is truly about. I have parents that love me to the end of the Earth. I have a brother that is not only my best friend but one of the finest guys I know. My heart bursts with pride that he is truly living his life happily :) I have a husband that would lay down and die for me and Kaya. That loves me every day and even more on my bad days. I have a daughter who is not only my world but lights my path in life more than she realizes. I have family and friends that hold me up more than they know. And I have people that test my limits but..that is life.
  So I live my life to the standard of Grace. Not perfection. If more people realized the grass is greener on the other side of the fence it's usually for two reasons: You're either not watering your own yard enough...or the other side has more fertilizer ;)
  

Just thinking....

"If you judge people,you have no time to love them" Mother Teresa

   The above quote is one I try to always keep in mind. Humans err and I'm no different. I've judged when I shouldn't but I try hard to not make it a habit. One because it really speaks volumes about the judger more than it does the judged, in my opinion.
  I don't really see life in black and white because there are many, many shades of gray tossed in. I've often found myself repeating "Not all folks are raised the same" in my mind. 
 I don't find myself scared and nervous because of someone's skin color, I don't think other cultures are "weird",I've been on both sides of poor and not completely poor lol, I could care less about someone's sexual preference and I don't think people should judge,ridicule or separate themselves from others simply because of religious or political views. I've also learned that you are not going to change someone set in their ways or that feels they are "right" in how they do things.
  I've struggled off and on with feelings that my little family is invisible on a certain level and it's bothered me. One that we are treated that way and Two because I ALLOWED it to bother me. I'm the type that usually lets stuff roll off my back and go on my way. But some things in the last year or so has stuck at me. I have tried and tried to untether the deal from my heart but after a few weeks/months it would find it's way back. Usually around get together times etc when I feel like we are left out.
  Then in the last week or so, basically since Steve's relapse, I've realized it's ME feeling left out not THEM caring if I'm left out. I've judged some people based on how I think life should be and maybe that is unfair. I've never understood why some folk do things the way they do, but they do it anyway. Maybe they look at us and wonder why we do things the way we do.Do I love them less...no. But I've got to let that whole deal go and move on. I'm never going to make them want to have get togethers, want to be involved with my kiddo. I'm never going to make them pick the phone up and check on Steve or see if we need anything. It's just not their style.
   So I've decided to let sleeping dogs lie. I've tried, I've been fair and I've been involved. It hurts that some of them have only seen Kaya 5 times in the last year and a half (two of those times were for barely 15 mins!!) but I have to say it's their loss. Kaya is growing and changing daily and nothing is going to stop the clock of time. I hate that she has forgotten names of family members because they don't speak TO her but I'm no longer smoothing things over to make them feel better.
  When it comes to Steve it is what it is. I know both sides love him dearly and both sides have lots on their plates. I'm no longer worrying about how they would feel if something happened and they've not taken the time to call him, speak to him or check on him...I'm only focusing on us.
  I can't fix everything for everyone and keep everyone happy at the expense that I'm upset. I just have to continue to be me, treat others how I want to be treated and enjoy life. Maybe at times it's hard on some to just realize we are HAPPY no matter what because we see the big picture. Maybe they are struggling to find their happy and it's hard on them to see us happy or they think we don't understand. Which isn't true. Our life isn't smooth sailing every day, without worry or stress....we just try hard to make it work and find the happy.
  My brother has always said holding in anger and bitterness hurts you...but does nothing to the person your mad at. You either talk to them about what is wrong and both sides work on it (which I have numerous times to only be ignored, gave excuses or talked about behind my back) or you work on yourself and leave the other person to work on themselves. So that is what I am doing. 

Holiday weekend

  I love 3 day weekends, especially when I'm off work :) This has been one busy weekend but it's been tons of fun. I'm very thankful for my two sweeties and how much fun we have no matter what.
   Saturday we hit some good yard sales, headed to our fave Mom and Pop diner for catfish, and then went to my cousin's graduation party. Cannot believe one of my "kids" has graduated. He should still be my little chubby baby. But I'm proud of the young man he's grown into and his future plans.
  

Around here when we do catfish..it's some serious catfish LOL Bigger than the bun and so good you don't need anything on it. Kaya always picks "Catfish and pie, no fries.And a Coke please" :) Her Daddy is just as bad :)

 Sunday meant a big cookout down at my family's farm. Good food, lots of laughs, lots of love and lots of cousin time made for a great event. Caught up on all the gossip while helping my Aunties fix lunch lol. LOVED when Kaya said "AWW MAN it can't be time to go". Dirty knees, wild hair and wore out from lots of fun. From there we headed to my Dad's place to check our garden size, visit and make sure our chickens are doing well. They are great layers and we are thinking of setting them soon for babies :) Kaya wants chicks BAD lol While out we visited the cemeteries for both sets of my grandparents (we visited Steve's last weekend). Hard to believe they are gone, sure miss them. Then home to play in the sprinkler, water the garden and relax.

Today has been..interesting lol We decided to load up the cooler, the poles and head out to go fishing. Kaya did great at first, getting lots of bites, listening well and then "I'm bored". She didn't want to look for bugs, was tired of looking for frogs. Steve got frustrated with his hands, he's been having a hard time with them with this relapse and tying hooks was not easy today. 

 So we fished for a few then headed home. I worked on my plants while Kaya hit the sprinkler and the trampoline for a few. I'm really pleased with how they came out :) Also got another bunch of tomato, hot pepper and pumpkin plants in our garden :)

Steve's follow up apt

  I wish I could write amazing things the dr said, amazing ways problems are going to be fixed but much like every other thing with MS..it's wait and see.
  Steve's steroids pushed back the relapse somewhat. The dr questioned his limp, which Steve explained is worse if he's more tired or it's hot out. She was glad to hear his speech was better, that his limp wasn't horrible, that his feet felt better. She's decided to leave him on his current shot for 6 mo and see. The sad thing is every single MS med has an 1/8 of a chance of a relapse. Steve has went 2 yrs then had one. We can't say the shots failed but we aren't sure if his body is going to keep using the shot correctly.
  Then he told her about his hands. He has been numb more or less in his hands since his relapse. He gets stiff, fingers lock up over night and some days he cannot even write his name decently. Some days he can't feel heat/cold other days he can some. Other than wearing out faster than normal his hands has been his big issue this time. She told him it could take up to 6 mo to see any change, if there is change. I wanted to hear "We can give you this" ..but I know that isn't how it works.
  So in 3 mo he goes back for a basic check up. 6 mo he goes for another 3 hr MRI and then he'll have a 6 mo checkup. From that MRI we'll know if he'll stay on his meds or be changed and how his brain looks from these lesions and if any more have appeared. He currently has 2 active lesions, one on the front left and one on the middle/back right side of his brain. The 3rd one that showed up on the MRI from the relapse is non active and just scar tissue.
  Steve stressed about another MRI in 6 mo. At $1300 a pop it's not easy on the budget. Figure in dr apt costs (our insurance only pays $18 each appt til we meet our deduct, we are liable for the rest of the bill for each apt), blood work costs, shot costs...we jokingly call this relapse our Tropical Vacation. We could have went somewhere warm and nice for the cost lol We have to laugh and go on, not much else you can do. We also for the first time have to juggle apts around Kaya's schooling. We took the 3 mo check up date that is on her first week of school, the 6 mo apt can hopefully be done when she's on fall break. Unless my Mom is home from work we have noone here to get Kaya from school etc. Sooo life is always fun and adjusting this and that.
  I sometimes wish I could film Steve so people could understand MS. If you don't have it, if you're not with someone that has it you don't really get it. I'm very thankful Steve is a tough man and keeps on keepin on.