Christmas Eve and Christmas Day

 I could post tons of family pictures, tons of pictures of Kaya opening gifts. Even tons of food pictures. But..I'm going to use these two pics for my Christmas post. Why? Because...to us Christmas is not just in our home..it's with family, family that has passed and with my little brother who is in California and can't be home (this is the 2nd year he can't be home..we've only had 2 actual Christmas's together in almost 6 yrs due to military and school)...so under these skies everyone was together :)
   We spent Cmas eve at home with our cousins, my mother in law, my Mom and Dad and a friend. It was awesome. Deep fried turkey, chili and potato soup, cheese ball, tons of pies. But it was just being together that made the evening. Cmas Day we got up to one super excited little girl that couldn't wait to open gifts..and she wasn't disappointed. Uncle J shipped her a new electric guitar..hot pink of course ;) and she was so happy, but missed him so much! Then we headed down home to the farm for the day. Way too much food, tons of family, cousin time and just being together. Exactly what the holiday is suppose to be about :)

A trip to see Santa...and a sweet cousin's bday

Kaya really wanted to see Santa this year. She's never really cared before one way or the other. Luckily the local Catholic church always hosts Santa along with a big breakfast and bazaar.  We opted out of the breakfast but Kaya happily waited her turn to tell Santa she wanted "LPS's mainly" for Christmas. To which poor Santa said "And what kind of games does that system play?" Kaya raised her eyebrow and said "It's littlest pet shops Santa. Not a game system." LOL She wrote it off as Santa's stand in (I know it's not the REAL Santa. The real Santa is too busy. This guy just takes notes) being tired and proceeded to do her craft. Each kid got a cute pic of themselves with Santa and could make it into a Cmas tree ornament. She loved that. As well as the elves helping lol
   We also celebrated Miss Addie turning 4 (on the 21st but her party is today). Hard to believe she's grew so quickly. She's bright, bubbly and lovable. Makes the cutest little faces. Her Mom all over again. Very thankful her and Kaya are buddies :)

Our first school Christmas party :)

  There is a good possibility that I might have been just as excited as Kaya for her party today lol Mrs W had her class Christmas party starting at 1 this afternoon and we all had a great time. I like the idea too instead of setting a certain price limit or drawing names that she just had each parent pick up a cheap coloring book, wrap it and write boy or girl on the front. Cut down on figuring out what to do and all the kids would basically get the same type of gift. We made adorable snowman cupcakes (half snowman...chocolate cake, half Cmas sprinkles...white cake due to one of Kaya's classmates not eating chocolate) that came out pretty cute. We also took a couple jugs of juice. We happily donated 48 cupcakes, plates, cups, napkins and two jugs of juice.
    

The teachers donated pizza for all the students, one parent donated her time and supplies so each child could make a cool Christmas tree ornament and then a couple of parents donated candy that went in the goody bags made by the teachers (each child got a new box of crayons, erasers, a pencil etc). The kids had a blast even though a few got upset over the book exchange because they thought they should get back their own books! lol A few parents didn't follow the rules and got expensive books with paint and markers on them etc but in general it went well. Kaya was super excited she got a new book. Of course Kaya's tooth decided to fall out right when they started to eat lol but she happily went to the office with her Daddy and got a cool tooth holder and rejoined the party :)
I LOVE that Steve comes to the parties. Rarely do any Dads ever help (I will say one besides Steve did this time!!) and the boys just love having Steve's attention. He listens to them, talks to them and really played up their cool books. It was nice to see the boys interacting with him. It does Steve good too.

reindeer games ;)

You would think that the party would last all the rest of the day since it started at 1 and school gets out at 2:50 but...the school only allotted from 1 to 2ish for the party and then the kids had to go to their special that day, which was PE. Mrs W told us to go with the kids and have fun watching them.
Oh we had a ball and tried hard to not laugh out loud. You have to picture a gym teacher complete with whistle and 1950s gung ho attitude towards phys ed with 20 kindergarten kids! LOL But she kept her cool well and sat up hula hoops in the middle of the gym. The kids had to pretend to be elves feeding the reindeer (hoops) with special feed (bean bags) after sledding (they use roller things) over to the deer. It was very comical. But the kids did well, even though a few had no attention span at all!!! The gym teacher did introduce herself and tell us that Kaya is a good kid, sweet and always tries. We also discussed her cough she had from her croup/mild asthma so that the gym teacher knew exactly what it was. She knows Kaya has an inhaler etc so it's not a biggie. All in all the gym time was fun and I'm glad we got invited to attend.
The whole day was fun! Love seeing Kaya so excited we helped out. Love hearing all the chatter. I think the neat thing was they split the room by girls and boys and each teacher did a special story for the coloring book swap. It was hilarious to watch the kids practice right and left!

The Day of the dreaded appt.......

 I worked a half day shift today so I could go with Steve to his appointment. Several work buddies were like "If I was you I would have stayed home all day" till I explained to them that I can't do that. One I don't want to waste vacation time when I may need it later on and if I sit and think..I worry. I broke down crying last night in the shower because...it's scary. It's scary never having an exact answer, never being able to plan things out how we want them to go, it's scary knowing what could happen to my husband and it's scary financially. So I cried in the shower lol and after Kaya went to bed Steve and I talked.
  Sooo to the appointment we went today. Very quiet, nervous laughter and then ...great news!! Dr B said Steve's MRI doesn't show enough significant change for her to feel comfortable moving him up on meds (once you tier completely to the top..you have nowhere to go. Steve is young and DR B doesn't want his options limited)!!! He will stay on his weekly shot and schedule. She did tell us that his hands are not releasing grip correctly. They are slowed down and his fingers don't release like yours or mine would. His ring finger on his right hand is moving on it's own because a lesion is currently on that nerve. It has done enough damage to the nerve that signals are fuzzy. Your finger knows where to "stay" and be at by that nerve. Steve's finger is constantly moving try to "Find" it's place and where it belongs. I never knew any of that and it's interesting information. If the lesion heals over and the nerve heals..his finger will stop. If not...then it may be permanent damage. Both Steve and Dr B decided to not use prescription meds to relax it unless it got worse because the meds could also make Steve feel tired. His tiredness is a combo of the weather and MS and she said he has to start making himself rest more. Steve worries he rests TOO much so it was good they talked about that. The back deal where Steve fell out of bed is a combo of stiff muscles and previous back issues. That is a relief because Steve was worried about lesions attacking his spine. Exercise should help it.
  We came out of that apt today skipping lol Smiles, laughing. Honestly people in the hospital probably thought we were nuts but I could care less. We've learned to not freak out but to celebrate every little thing. To others it may not seem a big deal..to us it does.
   We celebrated by picking Kaya up from school when it released and telling her the apt went great. She was all smiles :) Then home to fix one of Steve's fave meal and fix a cake. Hey, it's a party at the Hacienda lol
  

December...and the dreaded Drs appt.

  December has rushed in the door in a hurry. We've had some spotty snow flakes but nothing that screams normal December.
  We braced for a busy month. We had Addison Lou's 4th bday party on the 13th and we all had a ball. We have a jump house place in town now and that combined with someone dressed up as Minni Mouse, a frozen cake and lots of laughter added up to one fun party. So odd to think that almost 4 yrs ago (her bday is actually Dec 20th) we were all exhausted, huddled up in the hospital, a light snow covered everything waiting on Kim's little Miss to make her appearance. I remember it was almost 9pm, I was looking out the window watching the snow fall and just missing Kaya so much..when they hollered and said the baby was here. Holding that little bundle sure made all that wait and worry well worth it. She's growing into a beautiful little girl full of spunk and sass..a little mini me of her Mom. I love seeing how Kim's eyes light up being a Mommy and having both of them in our lives :)
  We also have been bracing ourselves for this week. The fun thing is Kaya's party is this week and we are room helpers. The part that makes me nervous is Steve's apt.
  We have had 3 sets of MRI's this year. We've researched, read, listened to and have been on pins and needles since Nov. Dr B ordered a full MRI scan in Nov (almost 4 hrs of fun for poor Steve...flat on his back and not moving. I got the lovely rickety chair that makes my butt go to sleep lol) but we wouldn't know the results until Dec 17th. Usually she calls...we've not got that call. His shots expired and we had to make several calls for a refill..which made me nervous. Add in the drug company calling and wanting to talk to Steve about alternative medicines he might want to take. Nerves are here for sure. As well as Steve has had some issues....his finger is moving on its own, he's been very tired and he fell out of bed one Saturday because his back wouldn't straighten out.
  We have 3 options that may happen.
Option 1:
  Nothing alarmingly new shows up on the MRI. Same general amount of lesions, no new ones. Steve will stay on his weekly MS shot, his monthly b12 and assorted vitamins and herbs. Pro: No fighting a new copay or side effects from meds. We know pretty much the course. 6 mo before another checkup. Cons: Steve has been fighting this feeling of ...that we pay for "snakeoil". He's relapsed twice on this shot but what would happen if he didn't take it. What are all the MRI's doing to him, what can stop relapsing and what is the shot really doing to his insides? All common questions and feelings. We are basically 3 yrs deep into this...we know what can and can't happen.

Option 2:
  There is some change on the MRI's or actively working lesions that haven't been there. Not tons of damage just enough to warrant a little boost. Steve will stay on his normal regimen and add in an IV bag at the hospital monthly. Pro: The Steroids build up his system, makes him feel perkier and are painless other than sitting for 3hrs while the bag empties. Con: expensive, aftertaste for Steve is horrible, reworking schedules (and unless my Mom is off...no one really to help with Kaya except my sis in law) and the fear Steve has that he'll have issues after taking so many steroids. He's had 3 rounds of them in 3 yrs give or take.
Option 3:
  The last option is the scariest. It means that there has been visible damage done since his last MRI about 6 mo ago. It will also mean an active lesion is causing some problem. Steve will have to change medicine. He'll go to a 3 times a week shot as well as his monthly b12 and vitamins/herbs. We are very nervous about this option because 3 shots bothers Steve only in the sense of constantly finding a spot that isn't sore from the week before..imagine doing that 3 times a week! Pro: A new way to attack MS with a possible decrease in relapse and lesion formation. Con: Cost...5000 before insurance and insurance isn't sure what they will cover as well as we may have to find a new copay program. Side effects...they range from mild to severe and in the back of my mind I think how hard Steve struggled with his Avonex shot. 2 months of the flu, edginess, sickness.

  So many people are uneducated on the disease and that makes it hard. I will admit before Steve had it I knew what it was generally but not personally or fact wise. I never realized that if the disease decides to attack a nerve ending in Steve's brain that controls his heart or lungs..he can die in his sleep. Maybe I realized it but I never thought it out in that way. I've always made it very clear that I have to be strong..and that is true. I can't sit back and feel pity for him, for us. I can't stress over every ache, every bill. I can't break down and cry all the time. That serves no purpose and only stresses Steve. Stress then increases his body issues and he doesn't need that..and I honestly am not a break down person. We have prepped Kaya for this appt. She knows that Daddy may change medicines but that he is ok. So basically all we can do is hope for the best come the 17th and if we hear bad news...we digest it, talk about it and suck it up and get over it lol We've learned a sense of humor, not dwelling and stopping to breath helps more than anything

The month of Nov

 The month of November seems to have flew by and without blinking I have missed blogging anything!!
  October finished up with Kaya having a super cold Trick or Treat night (thankful for a costume that she layered up under!!) She was a Skeleton girl and did her own makeup which looked great. She has a rule..nothing to pretty. She can ooh and awww over other girls dressed as Princesses, cute witches etc but she likes things more on the scary side for herself. She LOVES Halloween.
  November blew in with nutty weather...way too warm some days, super cold with a skiff of snow on a few days. I always have to work Thanksgiving so it's a given that we do Thanksgiving here on Sat. We hosted Steve's Mom, brother, his daughter, her little sister and their friend. Wayy too many good food items and Steve once again rocked out an awesome turkey. Emily came this year and brought her new boyfriend. Very nice boy. But it's odd to see our little Emily dating. She should still be 3 running around all wild haired and dirty faced...not looking like a beautiful young lady. Of course he got put on the fire a few times..but he survived and is suppose to come back for Christmas Eve lol
  Sunday we took dinner down to my Dad's and had a great time. Kaya always loves being at Pappaw's house.
  Kaya managed to talk me into putting our tree up 2 weeks before Thanksgiving which something we never do ...but she is so much like me. She loves the lights. She managed to talk my Dad into putting his up on Thanksgiving weekend and he has NEVER put his up before the day before Christmas Eve so she is a good persuader. lol
  Survived the Thanksgiving sale nuttiness and I'll save my rant on people's materialism and need to be giant buttheads all in the name of a cheap tv or crockpot!!
  Rounded out the month with Steve doing his MRI on my day off. Almost 4 hrs of him laying flat in a machine and me sitting in a rickety old chair trying to make it not squeak when I had to move lol He did excellent though and we go for a rather big appointment in Dec. Not so looking forward to that but it is what it is.

November as Native American Heritage Month

 November is not only the month for Thanksgiving but also the month for Native American Heritage Month. I've often heard people say no race in the US should have it's own month as we are the melting pot of the world. I've heard what race should get each month since there are so many various and beautiful races contained in the US? I've also heard that it's racist for there to even be specific Heritage months. I've always thought about all of that and I see all points of the arguments. To me I see it as simply showcasing the various races in the US but I can say as a mixed Native woman..sometimes November being Native American Heritage month gnaws at me.
  Obviously November is picked due to Thanksgiving. A story that is often told lovingly slanted. The US was populated upon the Pilgrim's arrival. There was religion, a culture, languages and even a trade/monetary system. When the Pilgrims landed they were ecstatic to have reached land, to be alive and to pursue their religion and beliefs without fear of prosecution. They were unprepared for this rugged new landscape (I'll gloss over the fact that they had purposely chose an area away from "savages" and upon hearing that many had already died in the area...settled on their landing spot and community.)and between sickness, lack of farming skills and tools, and an ignorance of the land they began to starve. A very well educated Native by the name of Squanto saw what was going on (he had been taken to Spain as a slave and was later sold  in England. Upon arrival back at the US via escape he found his entire village dead from small pox so he began to live in another Native community) and used his ability to speak English to act as interpreter between the two groups. When Natives saw the Pilgrims starving they taught them how to grow crops on the land, fish etc. Come "thanksgiving" both sides sat down to a meal to celebrate harvest. It was not a massive feast as we think of now but it kept them from starving. Unfortunately Natives are no more perfect than English and there was fights and disagreements. But the Pilgrims drifted from their love of religious freedom and began to push "the heathen" out of the "savages" and relations deteriorated (once again..I won't go into detail of some English colonies committing horrible crimes dressed as Indians or how some colonist actually ate their "native friends")  Fast forward many years....
   Natives survived small pox, survived government sanctioned massacres, treaty violations, as prisoners on reservations while their land was taken (interesting side note is that reservations to this day are still classified as POW camps!), faced religious persecution till the late 1970's and fought hard (literally...Natives make up the biggest minority rate per race population to serve in the Armed forces...even serving before they were considered citizens!) to gain citizenship rights and benefits. Today they still face stereotypes, out of date ideas, government harassment and persecution via health care/education/land issues, have been violated through treaty rights and personal rights repeatedly. They've lost land rights, water rights and hunting rights. Their languages are in a steady decline (not for all tribes but many) and most have seen a mixing of other religions with their tribal religions.We've fought blood quantum issues, tribal enrollment issues and we have each searched out our own way in this world. We all constantly hear the stereotype of "You're an Indian and  you don't drink?? or "Of course you drink, you're Indian. You guys like that you just can't tolerate it"
   To me every month is of course National Native American month lol but I hate that our culture is so tightly wound to simply a holiday and moment in time. I hate that most can't think of Indians unless they think of Pilgrims. I hate how we listed as "peaceful, loving, earth based people" because to be honest some tribes were vicious, we didn't see ourselves as one single nation (A notion I find interesting...I've often heard "if they would all have banded together they would have beat the Spaniards etc"...each nation is it's own people, own language, culture and ideas.) and we each varied in how we saw our Creation, our lives. The only thing I can say is that through most tribes of the US we have a kinship to each other because we know that struggle in some shape or form. I also believe that most tribes have a basic belief that our Earth is our life. There is no sacred ritual to perfom as everything we do daily is a moment of faith, a moment of blessing....we are all a strand in the web of life.
   Maybe it's because I've always been curious about other religions, cultures, ways of life...but I don't necessarily believe you have to dictate one month each year to a certain race/culture. If schools did a firm job of teaching about all things, honestly..and yes even white culture ...then there would be less hatred and ignorance in the world.
  As a mother to a child that has been thought of as being a light skinned Mexican, an Afghan descendant and many other things..I simply laugh. All that matters to me in this world is that Kaya knows who SHE is and WHAT she is...not just race wise.