1.Count My Blessings: Easily the best and easiest chore to accomplish daily. I do pretty well at keeping negative at bay and to be honest..I have so many blessings that I often will forget the bad. I have a husband that is 100% devoted to me and Kaya and to raising our life and our standards every day and is my everything. I have a daughter that has taught me joy, patience, undying love, heartaches (at milestones and fleeting time), has taught me to slow down and think outside the box and has increased my determination on life. I have a Mom that..is a super mom and SUPER GRANDMA :) She is simply one of the finest women I know. Strong, smart, all heart and a parent first/friend second through every step of life. Her love has never wavered even for people that it should have. I have a Dad that has his faults but tries. He isn't the conventual Dad and there are things I wish I could change but..he's usually involved and has made improvements in his life. I have a little brother that is my twin lmbo born 27 mo apart ;), that is one great man and my pillar. I have many family and friends that complete the circle. I'm far richer than my bank account notes lol
2. Practice Kindness: Another easy one. I was raised to treat others how you want to be treated, to be respectful and remember that one day the shoe may be on the other foot. That Karma comes around and when it's your turn make sure it's going to be all good Karma. I try to listen to others, uplift people and help those in need. I also know that at times you have to stretch your hand out to enemies and take a chance.
3.Be Productive but Calm: I do pretty good. I have my days I feel like I'm running in circles, life wears me out and I could scream. Working Mom, preschooler, full family life, full time work, full time garden/home, husband with MS...yep it can add up. BUT I've learned that I have to be productive to get things done and that means being calm. Work is 7 to 4 home life is all other times. I don't go to work freaking out and griping because I had no sleep, something stressful went on at home or Steve had a rough evening. It's noone's fault at work what happens at home. In turn I try hard to NOT bring work home. A coworker drives me nuts..I discuss it with Steve and move on. It's not fair for Steve and Kaya to have my work issue on their plates. When I'm calm and organized I get things done.
4.Just Breathe: Practice that more every day lol I cannot control the tomato plants drooping, the weather, Kaya's mood or Steve's legs. I cannot control hours at work, friend's issues or chores. I CAN control my mind, my mood and my reactions. J once told me to breath deep, lay down and think "Am I stressed and what about exactly? Is that certain stress going to affect me in a month? In a year? If not then let it go, breathe and move on. Don't let things weigh you down in the now and ruin you for the later". He used that method in Iraq and it saved him more times than not. Not always easy and I don't always do it. Panic will send my heckles up, cause me to blurt out or become angry..but I'm working on it :)
5.Listen To My Heart: Seems easy right? Not always. My heart almost always would say "let it go,they didn't mean to hurt you, it's stupid"...then I realized it was my BRAIN that was saying that..my heart hurt. So I have learned to listen to my heart..if it hurts then I change the stress. I have learned that my heart knows joy and to listen. Dishes can be done later, laundry folded after play...to just stop, listen to my heart and answer it. Working Moms carry guilt over not being there at home 24/7. My situation has a stay at home Daddy but I still feel that stress.But I've learned that stay at home Mom's have guilt too. So I listen to my heart. If it says stop, put that down and just fully listen to Kaya I do it. If someone says I spoil her...that's their opinion. Time is short and fleeting. One day our kids will be holding our hands as we pass to the other world. I want Kaya to remember Mom was responsible and got things done but she got her hands messy doing play dough, Mom laughed at my skits, Mom KNEW ME. So I listen to my heart and could care less what a parenting book says, what others think of me. I'm not you, your not me...we all parent different. If my kid comes out responsible, charitable, educated, happy and good hearted..I succeeded. If I have a child that can click off all the boxes at the therapist because I followed everyone's advice and book rules..I've failed.
6.Let Go of What I cannot Control: Ah yes, my hardest one by far! Letting go of what I cannot control. Sounds easy, easy to describe on paper (people that don't want to change no longer exist) but harder to do in real life. I can't control anything other than the Hacienda, our lives and our happiness. I can't control how people perceive me, how they "read" my attitude or how they judge my life. I can't control them talking about me when I do good or gossiping when they think they are right. I can let go of things of the material nature I can't control: I can control my envy over others (I honestly could care less if someone is thin, rich, religious or has everything I would secretly love to buy), I can control my anger most days (Me losing it won't make anyone or anything change..just make me feel rotten later),but I have a much harder time letting go of physical people that I can't figure out. I don't want to control them..just want them to try. Steve always says if we lived in a gated community I'd be the one kicked out because I'd open the gate to let the loons in LOL At first I thought the answer was letting go of everyone that hurt me, offended me or tried very little to change period...till I thought "would I want them to ignore me and write me off if I did that?" so I figured out that isn't the answer. I HAVE figured out that I have the right to be happy, I have the right to enjoy life and to say I am blessed. Noone has the right to take that from me and I can control that! I can go to family get togethers and just let go the trigger questions and emotions. Not allow myself drawn into petty arguments or into heated debates where people try to control you or shame your way of thinking. They won't change my mind..I won't change theirs so let it be. I can have fun at any family members house and not have to pretend to another family member that I didn't go etc. It's their business to control their lives we'll control ours. I don't have to take to heart every whine, complain or injustice of the ones that have no feeling for others plight. So this one I am working on. It's very hard for me to not invite certain people over but if I continue to invite them and then get hurt..I've allowed it. It's not their fault it's mine. I am learning to let go of Kaya having extended family, being included and being visited/knowing on a deep level certain family members. It's out of my control and they have to figure out how to fix it. I may have my days of backsliding...but I'm trying to remind myself of that sting I feel in my heart when we are moved to the backburner. How Kaya's face looked the night I told her she was cancelled on again. I'll move forward in life, love everyone and they all can figure out what they want in life and how to enjoy it. If at the end of our journey we realize our paths ran close to each other but never crossed...then it's their cross to bear not mine.
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