Today I Lived

Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”
-Robert Tizon  

  I read a wonderful article about living for the day that made me sit up and listen so to speak. It addressed that if you live for the day, pull the positives out of your day and focus less on the negative it impacts your whole day. That if you realize that tomorrow isn't promised and love/live for today life begins to change. You see less stress, you focus on the here and now and you realize that you have control. It also stated that if you treat each person you love as if they will die at midnight you change not only your perspective on how delicate life truly is..but also in how you approach others and treat others.
    I used my Sunday as my day since I read the article on Sunday lol 
  Today I woke up at 3am to a blaring alarm but I also woke up next to the one man that loves me 100% wholeheartedly..loves me for me, for my faults and constantly encourages me to be the best I can. I also woke up to a little arm threw protectively over me..attached to the most beautiful babygirl that had a rough night trying to sleep. Today I woke up not wanting to go to work..the warm bed, the snuggles..much more inviting then hustling it at my hot job..but I realized that I provided a day's pay for my family and the ability to buy our needs and once in awhile our wants. Today I woke up to society saying I'm a working Mom...but to my daughter I am simply "My Mamma". No pressures, no norms and no statistics on what a Mom is or the whole working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom debates...just "My Mamma". Today I came home from work and I threw together a quick supper...six days straight and I was one tired woman...while stressing that I should have made a traditional Sunday dinner until I looked around the kitchen and realized the smiling faces could care less what was on the plates they were just happy to be together eating! Today I came home and changed into my work clothes and thought how nice it would be to sit down and have a glass of tea...until I realized how great it was listening to Steve's excited voice over how well our project is coming together and to hear him and Kaya chat about their day. A trip to the local hardware store resulted in me today feeling as if I'd sink through the floor when my tired,hot, cranky daughter threw the worst fit I've ever seen...until the cashier smiled gently and said "It's ok, I have a little one her age too. She does the same thing when she's had no nap"...and I realized everyone has been there/done that..reprimand and go on. Today I thought I was too tired to check the garden then I realized how happy it made me to see Kaya so delighted over another round of strawberries and how she smiled seeing the first cute little tomatoes hanging on the vines. How she knows where her food comes from and loves to get her hands in the dirt. Today the two people that had gossiped about me (previous post) called needing our help badly. I felt myself thinking "Too bad. You can call when you need a work horse but you can't spend time with us or be there when we need you"...then I realized I didn't want to live as they did. I didn't want my daughter to see someone need help and think it's ok to be mean. I didn't want to allow myself to treat them how they treated me..lowering myself to a standard that I will not do. I realized that I was the better person..they could choose to appreciate it or not. I didn't have to chat them up or make over them..just help my husband. So I did. At first you could feel the "thick air" (they have to know I know they talked about me LOL) but was pleasantly surprised when they not only gave Steve gas money but appreciatively thanked us. As well as we got a start from a plant we wanted LOL  It doesn't change my feelings on the situation nor does it take us back to how it use to be..it was simply a few minutes out of our day and it's done. Today I snuggled up with Kaya and asked her "Why do I love you so much"..expecting her normal hilarious answers of "I'm pretty" or "Cuase I'm your kid"...only to hear "Because you are the best Mamma in the world and I'm lucky to get to be your kid"...and it hit me.
   That was my answer, my confirmation. I am the best person I can be to the person that needs me the most.
  Today I LIVED for TODAY and stress/worries ebbed away.
  To choose to stay when I wanted to retreat.
To choose to forgive when I want to condemn.
To choose to love when situations are hard.
To choose to hope when I want to doubt.
To choose to stand when I want to fall.
Today I lived.