Learning...

    I think my lesson I've learned so far this year ...and it's finally sunk in..is
"If it's broke but the person doesn't want to see it as broke...you can't fix it". Sorta a rewording in the opposite direction of "if it's not broke don't try to fix it".
  I've always been a fixer and I've always been about family. I've tried hard in every area to be family oriented and close up some gaps that had been widening. It all sorta came to a head this month when..well lets just say some that gossip about me/my family are not good at removing it from hardcopy. Yeah. It hurt more than it angered me. Here was two people that I loved alot ,who I have literally dropped everything for to be there when they needed me..even when it meant bumping heads with my hubby, discussing me in a less than sweet fashion and it was in black and white. All because I stood up for my little family, my feelings and voiced my own opinions. How was I going to handle it?
   Steve of course took swift action in my defense and wasted no time in setting the record straight. But I knew I had to also decide for once to stop sitting on the fence in life. So I didn't confront them. I didn't play into the drama or play the little game. I decided to let it go, be civil when they are civil to me..but to finally let myself let go of that "feeling". You know the feeling that if you do something with your own family instead of checking to see if others want to be included you feel guilty? That feeling that was just a constant dull ache that ached for my kiddo to have a certain normalcy with family. That feeling that I needed to do things that brought us together.
  Something snapped inside of me and that ache is gone. For the first time in awhile I have no guilt about not telling others our plans, for making our own plans for just the ones in this house and I have stopped trying to sew edges together that constantly unravel. And I feel as if I can breathe again.
  Maybe my kid will miss out on some things with certain family..but..then again she isn't missing something that hasn't been there. She knows which ones come together and she's getting older every day. Time is short and we all have an expiration date. But it will be them if something happens that will face their own guilt of never being around, not seeing our daughter blossom and develop her own awesome self. If you use a funeral as your family get together....it speaks volumes.
  Then..my uncle underwent a quadruple bypass. What fear thinking we could lose him. He of course came out great and is struggling to NOT be busy. He's a strong man with work ethic like you wouldn't believe and sitting is hard for him. On my way home from visiting him it clicked.
  If something was to happen to Steve I know who has my back, who's by my side and who is there for us and in what forms. I can't keep trying to make people be there, I can't keep trying to make them understand what MS is, and I cannot waste any more precious time pampering them/their feelings and their attitudes. If they want to fall apart and fall into bed with every single issue...then they are not going to be my strength if something happens. I was raised I guess the right way....food for funerals and surgeries, family meals, closeness,sharing, love without material price tags....but not everyone is. Some will put every single need of their own first then make you feel bad if you need them. Some will be offended that you didn't ask them to help when they really never wanted to help anyways.
  Soo as Steve said
"If it's broke but the person doesn't want to see it as broke...you can't fix it"