Sometimes I'm confused

  Sometimes I'm confused by people. The holidays (minus if you are having a serious issue, a health problem etc) are suppose to be a time of being together, being happy, loving each other and feeling joyful. But so many no matter what make it drama, griping, stress and worry.
   In the last week we have seen 20 little ones (the count at the last article I read) buried due to senseless violence. 20 families that will not hold their child on Christmas morning. 20 Mom's that won't pack a school lunch or bake another bday cake. 20 fathers that won't take their child fishing or create a memory. Instead 20 families will visit their child at a cemetery. They will put a wreath on a grave for Christmas, a balloon for a birthday and every night they will pray to find peace. And yet....there are still people failing to realize that we need to hold our families and our children closer.
   I was raised firmly that family time was the best. It didn't matter if the house had a spot of dust, who brought what, or if there was any gifts etc. It was just being together.
  Now..it seems as if people state they want quality time and time together...but seem to place everything else in front of family time. Then in 20 years they will wonder why those "kids" don't seem to have time for them, how much they've grown and changed..and how much they missed out on.
  People cause drama within their families. People lie to each other, lie on each other, use each other and then wonder why family doesn't want to be around them.
  Or...they simply can't work "family" into their schedule of friends,parties etc. 
  I made a pact with myself this year that I was not holding onto drama, not tolerating anything in our bubble of happiness, and letting go of other people's issues.
  I try hard to remember that I may not know what is going on with someone else or why they act a certain way and if their attitude doesn't directly affect me then it's not my business or cross to bear.
  We've dealt with family and friends that have edged away from us. Some when we had a kid...we focused on Kaya not getting together or hanging out all night. Some when Steve was diagnosed with MS.
  And sadly some during the holiday season preach and post and text about time together but then we are not invited till the last minute (after other plans are made), we are forgot all together or it's made into such a to do that it wears ME out.
  I have battled with feeling guilty over being excited to just be home Christmas eve and to not be in all the hubub surrounding other events. I felt as if I was being a bad person, not in the holiday mood etc. Till I realized that I am actually happy to just be home this year. To downsize some other areas of our life. It doesn't mean I don't love people. It doesn't mean I don't love the holidays, get togethers or family. It just means that I have reached a point in my life where I know what goes on in my life and with my family. I know what our strengths are, what our weaknesses are, and what we need/ have to do. People often do not realize what we have on our plate. Full time work, full time parenting of a 4yr old, full time medical illness, and we have surrounding issues such as the situation with my Dad etc. Only WE know what is right for US. 
  So I'm glad that I have bee sticking to my Drama free zone and better state of mind.
  For one..I think this has been so far one of the best holiday seasons. Less stress and worry about everything. I have literally been happy and in the Christmas mood since Thanksgiving and I cannot say that for alot of my friends/family/coworkers. I've come to understand that life changes and nothing stays the same...and all that matters is making those memories together. Not looking back in regret because your whole life the holiday has been this way...and now you have to alter it. The guilt is gone. When it came to Jonus and his military time we've always said that Christmas was not always on Dec 25th..it might be on June 30th if that was when he could be home. And I'm working that into my everyday life....to not see the date on the calendar but the feeling in my heart :)
  So here is to stress free holiday time, lots of laughs, lots of true family and friends, and most importantly lots of LOVE :)