We had our first major scare...

   It's taken me a week to write this post. Maybe it's because I hate when I feel out of control or maybe it's fear of things..or maybe honestly it's a combination of worry, fear, and a bit of anger tossed in. 
   Sunday night Steve took his MS shot. He had to miss 3 wks of shots due to being under the weather..having cold symptoms or flu symptoms makes his shot unbearable. He's never had a problem in over a year of skipping one when sick or even any reactions in a year.
  Sunday night kept us on our feet and reminded us just what we could have to deal with. First his temperature shot up. Then shot up further. Then further till it was in the 104ish range. He was literally hot to stand next to! He was under 3 blankets when I felt the bed shaking like crazy..and he was shaking so violently it made me jump out of bed. He could talk etc so it wasn't a seizure. He was shaking from feeling so cold and with the cold and shaking..his muscles were tensing up causing more reaction.
  He put on a hoodie  and under another layer of blankets. 4 doses of 800 mg ibuprofen later and his fever finally broke. Exhausted, achy and with tense muscles he hobbled around till finally getting comfortable enough on the couch to catch some sleep. I took a vacation day to watch Kaya and to keep an eye on him.
  Finally about 4 or 5 that Monday evening he began to feel better. Severely tired and his knee killing him he pretty much rested on Tuesday but I was thankful to have my Mom off work to help out so I could return to work.
  I think the fear hangs in there because when he gets severely tired and achy..a relapse could be around the corner. We've made it over a year with NO relapse and we are always thinking in the back of our minds when will the bomb go off?? I can't stand not being in control of myself and situations and when Steve was so miserable I couldn't "fix it"...it was hard. I couldn't break down and cry or act as if I was scared because it doesn't solve anything and isn't useful in a time like that. But it's not easy. I was going on barely 2 hrs sleep and when I'm tired the tears come easy..so it was a double whammy lol 
  I don't think sometimes people truly understand MS. If you do not have it or you are not the support/spouse/caregiver to someone that has it..you don't always fully grasp it. Watching Steve battle those side effects that he had beat so many months ago sickened my heart. And it makes you think what if his MS relapses or he moves to the next stage? I love him no matter what and I'm always going to be right beside him but I know it's not easy on him. And it plants that seed of what will happen this week. He's moving his shot to Sat night so if he has bad symptoms I won't be off work etc. and my Mom is available to help out on Monday and Tuesday. It killed him I had to use a vacation day and go all day on little sleep..but I told him it's not the end of the world. And it wasn't. It's a small sacrifice for someone I love and needed me.
  I think the fear and worry feeling mixed with anger on Monday when I realized just how people honestly react to MS and how they will not be there for us when we need them. I've always had issues with how others react to MS and how they do...but I always held in my heart that those that SHOULD be there for us even if just in asking about Steve etc would be there when we needed them. That theory is pretty much shattered. Maybe they just don't know how to react, don't know how to handle things. To be honest I can't think for others and I can't figure out others so I just have to let them bear the situation how they feel. And I have to be thankful for my Mom and the ones that offered to watch Kaya, that checked on us and that covered for me at work. Honestly the good things might as well stick with me and the bad things wash away. Otherwise anger takes over and I have to remind myself "Mamma raised a lady, Mamma raised a lady" LMBO ;)

Family Hog Roast

  Saturday was the family hog roast. We try to do one every year in last Oct, first part of Nov to celebrate the fall/winter bdays, so the kids can be together for treats (Halloween) and to just be together. This years was wonderful.
   My uncle ordered a pig this year since he didn't raise one. 210 lbs of fresh pork hit the cooker at 5am.
  

 My uncle and cousin did an awesome job! We had ham that was done in the smoker, ribs, tenderloin, chunked pork and we had my fave...bbq pulled pork cooked in a cast iron pot over the fire pit! Oh my ..it was awesome lol

It was a great day of family fun. Most of my cousin's made it. Funny how it doesn't seem that long ago it was us playing in the yard being silly and now we are watching our kids play together! Kaya loved being with her cousins and having fun. They played every game imaginable, chased each other, went on hikes and she was in heaven when Lynn let her ride on the trailer while she drove the 4wheeler to the barn ;) She saw the horses and got to feed them.

I love to hear my Mom chatting with her sisters..all my aunties in the kitchen talking or sitting on the porch laughing. I love seeing my uncles relaxing and having fun. And I love catching up with all my cousins. We all live different lives, have branched out in different ways, do things differently but in the end we are all family :) 

 Treat bags with wayyy too much candy was made up for the kiddos (which they loved) and with 4 tables of food (yes we have a big clan..lol) we had plenty of leftovers for everyone to take home. I always enjoy sitting on the porch swing eating my Aunt's swedish nut cake...it reminds me so much of the cakes my Grandma use to make.

 Even though a few couldn't make it yesterday and a few were greatly missed, but celebrating in Heaven..it was a good time. I know Grandma and Grandpa are proud of how we still come together to have meals etc. And I know Uncle Ronnie was watching his young grandsons play and smiling :) I miss them all alot. It seems like those chairs will never be filled at the table.

 Families that break bread together stay together. It strengthens the bonds, it passes on family information and it makes our children realize what family is. I use to feel like I had to be apologetic because my family spent time together and threw big dinners together because others didn't have that/don't try to have that...but now I've realized that is their loss and I'm thankful for every minute I have with my family.

  It's almost like it reenergizes you for the week, the month! Down home we can be ourselves,do our thing and it was a day spent with lots of love,laughter and food :)

Marriage..

 A friend at work once told me "what is marriage to you" I said "it's 50/50 both people have to work on it". Then he smiled and said "Nope it's 100/100..you both have to give it all you got." That has always stuck with me and when I saw this poster I thought it was fitting. Marriage isn't easy. Far from it. But if only one person gives 100% it doesn't work. If only one person gives 50%  it doesn't work. If both give only 50 your half way there but you'll have 50% missing. Both people have to realize it's a heart investment..an investment of time, of emotions and of being actively involved and aware. No,men are most likely not going to react or be like us..but in honesty we probably don't want them to or need them to be. A good marriage is balanced on the fact that not only do both partners give 100% but you also realize that your husband balances you out and you balance him out. I know our marriage is that way.Steve is the laid back, roll with the flow and let very little get to him type. Issues come up and if they are outside this home then he may listen but that's it. Me I'm more of a worrier about things and have had to learn that I can't fix the world. He says I'm a hippy (lol I'm faaaarrr from that) but I know he means that I'm loving and I try to see things how people SHOULD be..and at times it's hard to see how some really are. I've called him hard before but I hope he knows that I mean it in the sense that his loyalty lays 100% with me and Kaya and nothing sways that. So sometimes to me he comes off hard and unemotional over outside issues but I've come to learn that he loves many but he doesn't allow himself to take on others drama or issues. He's not "hard" he's centered in how he does things.

Halloween

    

Another Halloween has come and gone. That magical time of year when scary is ok,bats could be vampires ;),carving pumpkins and enjoying all the fun Halloween entails.

 This year the weather was a little less than desirable but the town decided to still have trick or treat on Halloween evening. Thankfully the rain gave way to a decent time of trick or treating, the local kid's club did an indoor trick or treat and we went to one of our fave relatives so Kaya could get treats and have fun. Kaya had a ball so that is all that matters. And that we made it in before the rain cut loose like crazy!

 Our sweet little vampire nurse visited her Mimi last weekend in costume (sans face makeup lol) at the nursing home and Mimi and the staff loved it. As did all the residents. She did Tuesday night at our cousin's nursing home party. The residents hand out candy and see all the trick or treaters, it's totally safe and the nursing home staff provides the kids with a mini party...cookies, cider, hot chocolate, chocolate milk, popcorn and coloring pages. Kaya loved it and loved going with her little cousin. I like it too because Kaya learns that not everyone gets to celebrate the way she does and sometimes it's not always about getting the "treat" it's also about treating someone else to a smile.

 I think Kaya has learned that lesson because trick or treat night she asked to stop by the local gas station where our friend works and give her a piece of candy.."because she can't trick or treat so she needs to be thought of too! It'll make her happy" And it did :)

 Daddy enjoys the holiday too and made his own zombie makeup (even though the rain put a damper on him getting to wear it...it would fall apart/run) and Kaya loved how his hand came out lol

Not bad for school glue, toilet paper, homemade "blood" (hairgel mixed with food coloring). He did a good job lol

The Hacienda loves Halloween and we really have had a great October. Since we didn't get to make them last night we did Mummy dogs for supper and Kaya was amazed. Simple twist on pigs in a blanket. We put a blanket down on the front room floor and instant awesome picnic :)

We rationalized today is Los dias de los muertos  and that leads into All Souls Day so we were having Mummies LOL

All in all a great holiday and a good month. Hoping November is full of fun, laughter, love and blessings as well :)

Well..vacation came to an end...

  Decided on Sunday that I could feel the funk coming on. That blah feeling of bad mood mixed with edgyness because Monday was the first day back after vacation. Steve could sense it (was it the quick responses, the faces I was making, the tears that kept edging up?? lol) and decided we needed to just go for a drive.
  So we took off to the river to see the leaves changing, enjoy the peace and quiet then cut back a back road to a friend's house to check out her chicken coop and visit. Kaya loved all her special breed chickens (and I can admit they are gorgeous well behaved creatures) and the chicken house. We visited the covered bridge and we took a walk from the shut off road all the way to the new road and it was really a nice time. 
  Vacation as a whole was awesome. Lots done, persimmon pulp put up, garden beds readied for winter,and lots of just us time. I loved it. 
  Only sad part was going to pay our respects to very dear family friends (honestly more family than friends in feelings) who lost their grandma/Mom. I know that raw heartache and I feel for them ..that day and every day. At holidays and special moments. Even in the tiny insignificant times when memories, a smell, a photo or a moment will make them think of her. I often wish I had the magic words to make moments like that ok...but I suppose hugs and lots of thoughts is all one can do.
  It also reminds us to live life well, with lots of love, and cherish every moment...for nothing is guaranteed or planned. Whether we are 40 or 100...at some point our time will be up. Say I love you when you can, move on from fights and hold tight those people you love. 
  I wish vacation would have lasted longer but I'm thankful to have any. Some people don't get that luxury. I love all the times I have with my little family.
 And as Kaya said Sunday evening "I know Mamma, I know. Tomorrow is Monday. But we'll survive....right?!!" :) 

Our first day of snow and sleet..

   Today is my Mom's bday and Kaya said it was marked with "awesome snow flakes" and some sleet. Nothing stuck or got too slick but I'm afraid winter has started a tad bit early. 
  We were going to enjoy our Thursday evening with the fire pit and a big pot of homemade hot chocolate (Steve makes the best homemade hot chocolate..complete with a lil cinnamon and cayenne pepper!!) but the wind decided otherwise. Barely up to 40 all day, damp and a cutting wind that even Kaya said "made my eyes cold" ...we nixed the fire pit idea and may try again tomorrow evening. Instead we kept the pot of hot chocolate idea lol and it was tasty!
  Had my mother in law over for supper and it was nice. I made a big pot of homemade chicken and dumplings, a loaf of homemade white bread and then for dessert Kaya made a cherry pie with ghost and witches hats cut out of pie crust. I make my own pie crust alot and Kaya likes rolling it out. I often let her cut shapes out for the pie topping, sprinkle a little sugar over it and bake it. She made this one for her Grandma W's bday :)

  My Mom loves scary movies and books and it is October so Kaya decided this is what she needed for her bday..came out pretty good even though I forgot whip topping lol
   Today was mainly a day of paying bills, getting house stuff and running to the feed store. We didn't get much done around here but a day down is nice :) Cozying in for the evening and relaxing is the main thing on the agenda.

Simplicity

  Yesterday morning I read a beautiful blog post about simplicity. I think with everything we've had going on, how we live a much more simple life than some we know,...the blog just hit the spot. The excerpt that got me was this :
    That's what the simple life is.  It's a life not cluttered up with filler but filled  with what counts. It's having time and space to live.  It's not about wide open as in the country but wide open in your spirit. It's about having room to let life happen because it's going to happen.

The simple life isn't the mystery we make of it.  It's available to all of us in some form or the other.
We just have to stop dreaming about it, talking about and wishing for it and live it.

Simplicity isn't a matter of location or time in history and it doesn't mean easy. Most things worth having aren't easy.

Simplicity, it starts and ends in the heart."

  It hit the nail on the head beautifully. It's exactly how we live our life, try to live our life, and how we want Kaya to live her life. And for some odd reason it brought home the conversation Steve and I have had this week...and it caused a serious turning point in my heart.

  We want Kaya to know life shouldn't be filled with filler....material items, constant hectic going ons, and instead should be filled with what counts....family, love, nature, life. We want her to have that wide open spirit and soul regardless of where she lives. We want her to know she can survive without the latest gadget or if a restaurant is closed. We want her to know where her food comes from,that as a family we pull together to get things done and we pull together tighter when times are hard.

  I love too that the blog said it was not a location that caused simplicity but a way of thought. Whether in the country, on the subway, living in a huge city or on your own little garden plot..you can live a simple life. That there is no magical formula or self help book to make it happen. You just have to DO IT!

  But I think the thing that struck me the most was the simple line "It's about having room to let life happen because it's going to happen" that hit me right over the head. I think some people, mainly family, have a hard time with the fact that we live a majority of our life this way. We know it's going to rain but it doesn't ruin the day. That today may suck royally but it's ONE BAD DAY, not a bad life. You have to leave that room in your life for life to happen, adjust your thinking and keep going.

  It also brought home the message Steve told me this week when he said I have to apply that thinking to all areas of my life. I've laid my heart out this last few weeks and to be honest the message I've gotten back...total silence...speaks volumes. It's been made clear to us that we are not the focal point of anything in the family. At first it hurt, it stung and I thought "what a bunch of lying hypocrites talking family and love then basically writing us off as they are "too busy with others" to include us". then it hit. LEAVE ROOM IN YOUR LIFE FOR LIFE TO HAPPEN. Put my heart back in my chest where it belonged, not on my cuff-sleeve, and adjusted my thinking. 

  Adjusted my thinking to remember that the ones under this roof love unconditionally and simply from the heart. That in less than 2 weeks I'll be with my side of the family for a huge hog roast doing what a family should do..being together and enjoying life. That we stay busy with our life and that we are happy. 

  Living simply isn't easy all the time. You have to stop and think..nope not going to be doing it that way or thinking that way...but it sure is nicer :)