Spring is here..at least for a day :)

    An absolutely beautiful Spring Saturday. Trying to not look at the weather report for tomorrow (we could get anywhere from flurries/rain mix up to 6 inches give or take of snow) as the weather lately has been insane.
    Spent this Saturday with Kaya having visits with her Grandma Teresa and her Pappaw Wade. We worked at Dad's (Pappaw Wade's) for a bit hauling off stuff since the weather was nice. Got alot done today and it's shaping up!
    We have been outside all day and Kaya is in heaven. The child has been in garden beds, found worms (nice and comfy in their bug box home..complete with dirt and grass), helped us dig out the drainage ditch, found the mud puddle from where Daddy washed off the rototiller, and basically had a ball all day. While at her Pappaw's she explored the pond (from a safe distance back lol) listening to the frogs,(she wants to go gigging this spring/summer but I'm not sure she'll be all for it once she realizes you EAT the frogs lol) watching the water for frogs/fish/tadpoles you name it. She went on adventures with her new watering can (it was her Nanny's and Dad let her have it..sorta bittersweet to watch her pretend watering flowers when Granny used that thing so much!!) Dad started to throw away an old corn slicer not knowing what it was so it's now going in my kitchen. I have one I use (fyi: a corn slicer is a simple slat of wood with a hole edging in it that contains 2 razor blades. Pull your corn across it in one direction you will have kernel corn to can/freeze/eat...pull it another way across it you will make cream corn) when we do corn in the summer but having an old one that was Granny's is nice. I probably won't use it but will put it up on my cabinet tops where I have my other valuable to me items :)
   We tried out the new tiller and other than Kaya disliking the noise she gave it thumbs up on the dirt it made haha We gave it 2 thumbs up on being easy to use and a nice beast on our hard ground. Will definitely pay for itself in short order with gardens going in soon. So nice to not have to do it by hand etc and we chose a propelled one due to Steve's legs wearing out faster than they use to. We have several projects lined up for its use.
   Loved seeing one curly headed girl with dirty hands, dirty clothes and lots of giggles head to the bath tub this evening. We even had a picnic outside!
   A very wonderful Saturday in deed :) 

Vacation...

  Just the word alone makes me smile..makes my family smile :) One writer said you should live your life as if you never need a vacation but lets be honest.. no one is going to live that life unless they are rich or hit the lotto lmbo so you take life as it is.
   I worked 7 days straight and started vacation on Monday. Monday after 7 days is always a tired day...and I get aggravated at myself for feeling tired. I know silly...working 7 straight, working at home, being a Mom/wife etc, doing chores,errands....the list adds up in 7 days and some nights little sleep..but I still get aggravated at myself for feeling tired.
  So vacations are always nice. Even though I tend to drive Steve nuts (lmbo) because I am not a sit and relax person unless the whole family is doing it. I have learned when Kaya wants to snuggle dishes can be done later. That the floors not being swept on a pretty day (when we are out playing) is not the end of the world. But I am just a doer type in most areas of my life. So having Steve to remind me to sit and read or just talk etc is nice. He teases me but when doing a project he's a slave driver and is the most meticulous man you'll meet so he really can't poke fun at me :)
  Anyway...vacation so far has been awesome. No bedtimes for me , no set schedule for things to do...just rolling with the flow and enjoying it.
  Monday was catch up day. Kaya jumped out of bed with huge eyes, put her arms around my neck and said "You are home Mamma! I love days like this" :) :)
  Tuesday we went for a drive, ended up eating a great lunch at a Mom and Pop dinner then bundled up and spent the afternoon at the State Forest playing. Think it did us big kids some good too :) Kaya was amazed at how high her uncle could swing and that her Mammaw was brave enough to go down the big slide lol Then to the little lake to skip rocks, look for frogs/fish etc and have fun. We didn't get back till later in the evening and it was just a nice day.
  Not sure what else will be on the agenda this week but awesome just being together. I'm thankful for a job that has vacation time so I can have extra time home. Kaya telling me that her favorite surprise is always me being home :) warmed my heart.
   Last night as Kaya sat playing in the floor she looked up and said "I'm so happy. So happy to be with my family" :) Not much better than that. Anytime I doubt myself I can hear those words and realize I may not be able to fix all the world's problems, I may not be perfect...but I'm a hero to one person :):)

Being Happy

   I thought this was an interesting point and topic..for Moms, women and humans in general. So many people put emphasis on being happy in a situation when Happiness isn't an occurrence it's a state of mind!
  So I thought I'd approach the list and see how I do as a person, as a Mom, with a daughter and as a wife.
1. A hard one I think for most people. Women I think in general have a harder time being wrong (I'm not bashing women etc...just being honest) because we have to strive 10 times harder than a man to prove ourselves..and when we are wrong it seems like a big downfall. But I'm doing alot better at realizing I'm not always right..and life is a learning process. If I know everything and am always right on every subject I'll never see another persons point of view etc. As a Mom I have to realize at times I'm not always right. Maybe how I see things will change as my child grows and becomes her own person. Having a daughter I want her to know that being right all the time isn't humanly possible and isn't a let down to be wrong. As a wife...you realize that your upbringing and way of seeing things do not always match your spouses. SO what is right for you in a situation was not right for him.
2.VERY hard one for me. I'm super independent and have been a control person for as long as I can remember. I'm a fixer/doer type of personality and allowing someone else the reigns can make me feel uncomfortable. But I have really worked on this one. I've learned you cannot control others, situations or life..and if you focus on that..you'll die from stress. As a Mom I've learned that control has it's place but you can't focus entirely on being the control factor in the relationship. You have to pick your fights and prioritize your life. I want Kaya to realize she can be strong without having to have total control of every situation. To learn that she can hand the situation to someone else from time to time without seeing herself as being less of a strong woman. As a wife..MAJOR issue I had to deal with. Steve is more from a traditionally male oriented family whereas I came from a family where the women spoke their minds when they wanted. Thankfully Steve doesn't hold to all that masculine bs but it wasn't till he told me that as a husband he feels like a failure sometimes because I figure out every situation and never let him be the man and stand up for me etc. That sorta hit me about how I have always been the one to just do things and letting someone take up for me, speak for me etc was hard. I realized what a hypocrite I was being if I didn't let Steve be the man in the house (not control and set every rule etc...but be my mate) then I was missing out on the important part of a marriage...protection and security..and someone to back me up. So I'm much better on that now.
3.Has never been an issue. I believe in taking responsibilities for my actions and always have. I also expect it from others...even though it doesn't always happen.
4.BIG one with me. I'd never utter a mean word or a judgmental word about anyone else ever...but I realized that I do it about myself at times ..especially when frustrated or stressed. I never thought too much about it till one night Steve told me"I hate when you get aggravated and cut yourself down. You have so many awesome qualities but when you get frustrated you only see the bad things in yourself. Would you want Kaya to repeat those words about herself?" BAMMMM Hit me like a brick. As a woman I set the tone for how society and my family see me..and other women. As a Mom to a girl..I set the tone on how she sees herself and talks about herself. As a wife it's important to lose that negativity because it not only creates unneeded stress in a marriage..but also devalues all the things that Steve DOES see in me and how he feels about me.
5. and 6. not an issue for me
7. I gave that up years ago. I try to not criticize others because I am sure I have areas others can criticize me about. I may not always understand why people do what they do but that is for them to figure out and fix. My happiness cannot rely on others happiness. 
8. I don't think I ever truly felt a need to impress others. I've always been me and the people that I love and love me..love me for that. I want Kaya to know that she can be happy in her own skin and if others don't like it let them be uncomfortable. This is not a cookie cutter world. As a Mom I see so many other Moms stress about milestones, stress about what this group is doing or that group is doing, worried about "looking" a certain way...and it's an utter waste of time and energy! Your kid is not going to be like the neighbor kid and that's fine. If you spend your waking hours impressing others you will be wore out from being fake all the time. As for marriage..impressing others doesn't help your marriage. I'm lucky Steve is a "this is me..like it or stay away" type person and has no problems standing up for himself or his family.
9. I have resistance issues lmbo but only in the sense that when I step out of my norm I worry that I will fail. Then I realized that I cut off my legs before I ever start and set myself up for failure by worrying I will fail. Vicious cycle! I've been focusing on the fact that if I don't try to do a few things differently then I simply settle for things as is. I will be teaching Kaya to never venture out in a new direction and that change is bad. So I've been doing some things differently and trying new routes. Even thinking about going back to college and that is a HUGE fear of mine!! As a wife..failure to change can stagnate things quickly because both man and woman fall into a rut. Shaking things up sometimes is a good thing.
10. Have never been a label user! HATE labels to be honest. I hate when other Moms dictate what is a Mom. I hate when society says what a working Mom is, what a woman is, what a wife is. NOONE and I repeat NOONE is in your home, in your life and in your head 24/7 so noone has the right to tell you how you are. As a Mom I don't want Kaya labeling religious people as one thing, different races as this, different thoughts as weird, different lifestyles as shameful etc. I want her to realize it's not her place to label anyone and she should never allow herself to be labeled. I hate words that end in isms...like feminism,racism etc ..instead of mass labeling yourself why not just be the best you can be? As a wife you can't get too thick with labels or you will stress your marriage.If you allow yourself to label in your head what a man is, what a husband is...then you are creating a situation that forces your husband into something he may not be. And would you like it if he did that to you? Exactly.
11. I honestly have very little fears (besides the normal ones we all have) but one fear is taking that first step. So I'm working on that. I want Kaya to see that fears hold you back but you can use them to force you to be stronger. As a woman I think we all fear certain issues but we have to make ourselves do it or we will live a life thinking "Why didn't I " instead of "I did it".
12. I'm not a huge excuse person but I find on certain subjects (we'll use going to college) I can find excuses "I work" I have a kid, I will fail cause I'm tired, I won't give Kaya the time she needs" when in reality...it's none of those things that is my excuse..it's simply being afraid to leap. As a Mom I don't like when Kaya makes excuses for her behavior so why should I allow myself to do it? And I wouldn't want Steve to make an excuse for what he does etc.
13. I had an awesome childhood. I'm very lucky. But if I hold onto any bad things from the past (we weren't the Waltons lol ) then it can ruin my present and my future. In parenting, marriage and life you have to realize challenges and rough spots in the past gave you the character you have now..and move on.
14. To be honest I don't have materialistic attachment to things....and I sure am not giving up family lmbo so we will strike this one from everyone's get happy list LOL
15.I can admit I use to worry that how I led my life would upset others. That my grandparents/parents would frown on say me and Steve living together even though we were engaged. I worried that if I didn't do things a certain way I'd hurt others. So much to a point that  I started to feel like the things I did for others was expected and it hurt. Then I realized it was ME that allowed what others MIGHT think or expect out of me to take precedent over my own feelings. Since those days I've found that I can do as I please and it only involves me, my husband and my daughter. I only have them to answer to on decisions that would affect our family...and I've learned to let others think what they want. As a Mom I don't want Kaya thinking that she has to live life just one way or she's not loved. As a wife it is hurtful to my husband to think we can't do what we want if it would upset someone else. So we live our life for us. I'm lucky that meddling family members have been put in their place and either they got mad or they kept their nose in their own business. My grandparents didn't freak out like I thought they would. And my Mom has always said "I loved you the second I knew I was pregnant. I loved you the second I held you. I may not always agree but you'll have my love forever no matter what"...and I want that motto to be my life with Kaya as well :)
   Soooo maybe I'm not batting 100% on every single little item..but..we are happy. We live in the state of mind that today is today. If it rains it's a bad day. Not a bad week, not a bad life. We are genuinely happy. I'm blessed to have my daughter..such a large chunk of my heart walking about! I'm lucky to have my husband..a man that is always my rock,my shoulder, my hero. Our home is not huge..but it's HOME. Being happy is wanting what you have not having what you want. It's sitting on the porch swing with a glass of sweet tea, my legs propped across Steve's lap, grubby from working in the garden and laughing at Kaya jumping on the trampoline. It's going to work even on hard days because I know it's the way it is and that I am a vital part of this family. It's treating my coworkers nice because it's not their fault Steve had a bad shot night and we got very little rest. It's being thankful for the awesome coworkers I have and how much they care/love my family. It's having family and marrying into a family I truly love...and even though we are not alike..we just love each other and move on. It's accepting that I cannot allow others emotions rule mine..and I'm not apologizing anymore for being happy, having a good life, having a good husband etc. It's realizing that happiness is not one size fits all. My happiness may not be your happiness. It's realizing some days life truly does pee in your cereal..but you get over it. I hope everyone reaches that mental state of happiness. 

Kaya cracks me up...and another one of my babies sigh..

   Kaya has always had a good vocabulary but sometimes the words don't come out..just right ;) Lately she has taken to speaking very adult like and explaining things in detail. I can handle that MUCH better than her valley girl voice, complete with hand twirling in the air saying "um yeah" every few words. She knows that will get her told very quickly that the conversation is done. Unless she's just kidding around.
   I had to laugh as one night she came to my side of the bed. She wanted to have some girl talk and hopped onto the bed. I asked her what was wrong. "I've been very pentsive". I explained to her that the word is pensive and it meant to think hard on something serious.  She responded "I know what it means. I have been thinking hard. That's what I said..I'm pentsive". I had to smile. She had the right grasp of the word just not the right saying.
   Another big event is our baby cousin (sigh..not such a little baby any more) is preparing for prom!!! So weird when she sent me a picture on my phone of the dress she had picked out. Here was my baby girl that I had helped raise since she was barely 3 yrs old...looking like a beautiful young lady. Not easy. Twisty messed up curls replaced with intentional highlights and flat ironed straight hair. A dirty little face replaced with makeup..but still those adorable freckles poking through. I can say she's always stayed true to herself..she could care less if she's "in style" and has just always been herself..standing up for things she thinks is right and caring very little about those that care very little bout her. To say I'm proud of her is an understatement. I'm equally proud of her big brother..another one of our babies :) He will be attending prom as well and I'm glad big brother will be there to keep an eye on her (even though she hates when we say that!)
   In some ways the kiddos have sorta trained me for being a Mom. I've seen one go from a tiny, curly headed strongheaded little girl that was never afraid to get dirty to a beautiful young lady full of heart (and still hard headed LOL). E has went from a quiet backwards little boy that couldn't stand to even think someone might be upset...to a handsome young man that stands up for his Sis and for what he thinks is right..and found his voice along the way to also stand up for himself.
  They broke me into how it was to have a sick kiddo, to be up all hours of the night, to just stop and have fun...and then I faced their anger/unhappiness and tears dealing with their less than stellar father, to family issues...then to nerves when E took his first drive all the way to our house from his!!!!....now prom. Eventually it will be graduation, the move to college and my babies even though always my babies in my heart..will have their own lives and events. I just hope we are still as close as we are now.
  So in many ways I thank them for giving me an idea of what it was to parent and broke me in for Kaya...but just as I shed tears of pride and happiness with their events..I know I will even more so with Kaya's.
  Funny how one picture sent to your cell phone of a beautiful young lady in a beautiful dress...can make you think back to her sitting on the front room couch (face covered in chocolate), to her learning to ride her first bike, to having my brother sleep in the doorway of their room because she was sick and needed him there...to picnics on the top pasture. Funny how one picture can make you count your blessings even more..and realize just how precious love is...and time as well.....

First seeds...

 One impatient child got her first pkg of seeds into the ground yesterday :) She's been anxiously awaiting getting to do that. It was super sunny yesterday and she helped clean out the garden beds. Finally she goes "We have to get seeds out. We have to". So Steve and I gave in and let her put out one package of early yield lettuce seeds. They usually can go in the ground by the end of February and can withstand the frost and a snow etc so hoping they make it. We planted them close to make loose leaf instead of head lettuce.
  It's always fun to watch her excitement over the garden. If she could only plant in a single row it would be nice but I look at it this way...maybe that's the way to look at life. You won't always get to go in a straight line, you won't always get to go the way you should...but you still yield something at the end. :) She did pretty well. We did one row exactly right then let her have the rest of the seeds to plant in her own section (a little hodge podgy on where she put them as well she may have decided they needed too much water but time will tell). We also gave her one packet of long stem carrots that was left over from last year. They can usually withstand cold pretty well and I am hoping we are not slated for another heavy frost/snow storm.
   She was very careful on pulling out weeds, filling up her little yellow bucket then announcing "these go in the compost!". She also had fun finding what few brave nightcrawlers that had worked up to the sun yesterday. She expected to find a ton of them like she does in the summer but they are still pretty far down in the ground...soo by that you can figure the ground is going to be staying cold awhile longer. We use a lot of nature signs and the Farmer's Almanac around here when planting etc. Lots of people laugh but it works.
  If you plant certain crops in the wrong sign...they will never produce. If you fill a hole with cement in the wrong signs it won't set right. If you cut pigs in the wrong sign they will bleed more than normal. If you put gravel on a drive in the wrong sign it will settle into the ground faster than normal. There is literally a sign for almost everything. Signs tell you when to cut your hair to grow faster or to pare off growth, when to wean (and yes we used that with Kaya...and had no problems at all breaking her), you name it.
   Signs in nature play a big role in gardening etc. If you see the squirrels in the heat of summer in August piling up the acorns and corn you are in for a harder winter temp wise. It was right on cue this year (lots of snow, ice and cold!). If the deer don't change alot in color the winter will be more mild. If nests of squirrels are built thick (or birds) then it will be a cold winter. If hornets build their nest high it will be lots of snow. If cows gather up near a fence line in a bunch..a storm is coming. If your smoke from your stove or campfire rises straight up the air pressure is steady. A red sky at dusk means the next day will be a good day, red in the morning means rain sometime soon (red sky in morning sailors take warning, red sky at night sailors delight). Heavy frost means no rain that day. If you can hear bugs and birds during a storm..the rain has set it to stay for awhile. If they are out eating in the rain same thing. On a cold day or windy day if you lick your finger and stick it in the air you can feel what direction the wind is coming from..and that makes a big difference on the temp of a storm etc. A heavy snow winter makes for a better crop season. A dry drought summer will often be followed by a heavy winter. (When it's not nature gets hectic! As do humans!) Restless animals are a good predictor of bad weather coming.
  We also use alot of hand me down (wives tales I suppose lol) when it comes to gardening. Certain crops go in when it's still cold because root/starch improves with coldness and will be sweeter tasting. Cedar mulch keeps away snakes. Plant in certain signs (cabbage will not make kraut if it's canned in the wrong sign..it turns black. Garlic and other ones go in certain signs or they wont' grow. Potatoes have to go eye down to grow) Some are not true (thanking someone for a plant hinders it's growth) while others are odd but true (don't touch tomato plants during that time of the month or you'll kill the plant).
  We don't follow everyone and some are impossible to follow (as another contradicts it) but it's fun to share some that do work with Kaya. Passing along info that has been passed down from generation to generation is always a good idea. You never know when the weather ones may just save a life or allow you time to prepare!!

Have tried..

   We have tried several of the batches of freezer biscuits. By far the best is the cheese ones. So decided since this evening was so cold, wind was strong with lovely times of sleet and snow that Kaya and I would have some fun together mixing up another 3 batches for the freezer. Kaya had a BLAST. If I could only get her to realize that she needs to work the dough on the floured board instead of in her hands lol it would be less messy. But she had fun and we got them flash freezing as we speak.
  Best thing was "Mamma, I sure love being with you. And I love doing everything with you." :)

6 yrs ago today

    Feb 20th marked 6 yrs since we lost Grandpa Wade. Sure doesn't seem like such a fine man has been gone 6 yrs.He was a strong man and loved us all no matter what. He was the next to the oldest of 13 kids and even though he wanted to stay in school so bad..it didn't happen. He was a dirt poor farm boy that met his "high city girl" as he called her..my Grandma :) He served in the Calvary as a sharpshooter (even teaching Eisenhower how to shoot!!) and as a POW guard. He had 5 sons by my Grandma and buried one as an infant and one as a grown man. He worked hard his whole life, farmed and was well known for his knowledge of wild edible plants and for raising the finest hogs you'd ever see. He horse back rode till in his 70s then his back and knees wouldn't allow it. He broke horses as a side job while working in heavy mechanics at Crane. He had broke his back, broke his neck, broke both arms, his leg, had 2 heart attacks, surgery for a 99% blocked neck vein and the man still got up every morning: breakfast at 6:30am, feed at the barn by 8am then to town by 9am :)
    He's the one that taught me to ride and bought me my first horse (a blind Palomino I named Apple). When I asked him WHY he got me a blind trail horse his replies still stick with me today. "Do you love her less since I told you she's blind?" No. "Do you not have enough patience to deal with something that requires extra time?" No. "Do you think that eyes are all that horse needs to ride trails?" No Grandpa a good trail horse uses her ears to hear, her legs to stay strong and trusts herself to be able to put her hooves where it's the steadiest even when she can't see. That sweet horse was my trail horse till she died. I could ride her anwyhere, go any place and she performed perfectly every time. Grandpa taught me a lesson in life with a simple sweet blind horse.
   I still remember the day he threw me the farm truck keys at 11 and said "let's go get a pop". My eyes were huge. I had drove the truck plenty of times helping load hay or haul feed from one barn to another etc. but NEVER past the end of our dead end gravel drive. "Granny will kill you" was my reply. "She won't know till we get back. Then it'll be too late right" he'd say with a wink. So into the seat I went, turned on the key and out the drive. That was the best pop that I ever bought at the  Fayetteville Store lol
   We'd spend a whole Saturday doing nothing but riding and talking. We'd stash a lunch Mom would fix for us in our saddlebags, put Poochie (Gramps little dog) in the other saddlebag, and off for the day we'd go. We'd laugh, stop and admire a view, watch the sun start creeping towards the western sky, then head to the barn. He taught me to always do my best and start off on the right foot (or the trail will be alot harder later on), make sure your prepared (or you're tummy will grumple half way through the day), if you make a mistake just learn,fix it and go on( if your saddle's belly buckle loosens up fix it and go on..otherwise you'll find yourself upside down LOL) and at the end of the day if you don't finish what you are doing..you'll regret it (you always clean,comb and dry your horse before putting it up or you'll wish you had!). Lots of lessons were learned on those trail rides. Being patient, finding the small pieces of beauty in life, connecting with nature/your horse/another human had so many benefits. I still to this day own the very first saddle I ever learned to ride with....
   I spent most my summers in various shades of purple thanks to his ever handy medicine spray he kept at the barn. My brother says that is why it's my fave color ..I wore it so much lol He'd let us go on grand adventures, do things that Granny would freak about, and let us get away with just a tad more than Mom and Dad would...and probably throw in a can of Yoohoo from the feed store just for fun lol
  When Grandpa got sick ..when he was in his 80s we knew the diagnosis was bleak. Terminal lung cancer. I still remember standing in that hallway hearing those words..and thinking that dr must be one dumb sob if he thought that was right. But later it sunk in. Gramps was a lucky one. He'd smoked since he was 12 yrs old and had never really been ill.
   I'm lucky that I had 4 awesome set of grandparents. I can't remember a ton of gifts they got us..but I sure can remember the laughs, the lessons, and the love. They took the job of grandparent serious and they never failed. Kaya only got to know Granny and barely Grandpa Roberts. But I see so much of all of them in her and her actions. I miss all of them every day but I cherish not only the memories but the person they helped me become!! :)