Being Happy

   I thought this was an interesting point and topic..for Moms, women and humans in general. So many people put emphasis on being happy in a situation when Happiness isn't an occurrence it's a state of mind!
  So I thought I'd approach the list and see how I do as a person, as a Mom, with a daughter and as a wife.
1. A hard one I think for most people. Women I think in general have a harder time being wrong (I'm not bashing women etc...just being honest) because we have to strive 10 times harder than a man to prove ourselves..and when we are wrong it seems like a big downfall. But I'm doing alot better at realizing I'm not always right..and life is a learning process. If I know everything and am always right on every subject I'll never see another persons point of view etc. As a Mom I have to realize at times I'm not always right. Maybe how I see things will change as my child grows and becomes her own person. Having a daughter I want her to know that being right all the time isn't humanly possible and isn't a let down to be wrong. As a wife...you realize that your upbringing and way of seeing things do not always match your spouses. SO what is right for you in a situation was not right for him.
2.VERY hard one for me. I'm super independent and have been a control person for as long as I can remember. I'm a fixer/doer type of personality and allowing someone else the reigns can make me feel uncomfortable. But I have really worked on this one. I've learned you cannot control others, situations or life..and if you focus on that..you'll die from stress. As a Mom I've learned that control has it's place but you can't focus entirely on being the control factor in the relationship. You have to pick your fights and prioritize your life. I want Kaya to realize she can be strong without having to have total control of every situation. To learn that she can hand the situation to someone else from time to time without seeing herself as being less of a strong woman. As a wife..MAJOR issue I had to deal with. Steve is more from a traditionally male oriented family whereas I came from a family where the women spoke their minds when they wanted. Thankfully Steve doesn't hold to all that masculine bs but it wasn't till he told me that as a husband he feels like a failure sometimes because I figure out every situation and never let him be the man and stand up for me etc. That sorta hit me about how I have always been the one to just do things and letting someone take up for me, speak for me etc was hard. I realized what a hypocrite I was being if I didn't let Steve be the man in the house (not control and set every rule etc...but be my mate) then I was missing out on the important part of a marriage...protection and security..and someone to back me up. So I'm much better on that now.
3.Has never been an issue. I believe in taking responsibilities for my actions and always have. I also expect it from others...even though it doesn't always happen.
4.BIG one with me. I'd never utter a mean word or a judgmental word about anyone else ever...but I realized that I do it about myself at times ..especially when frustrated or stressed. I never thought too much about it till one night Steve told me"I hate when you get aggravated and cut yourself down. You have so many awesome qualities but when you get frustrated you only see the bad things in yourself. Would you want Kaya to repeat those words about herself?" BAMMMM Hit me like a brick. As a woman I set the tone for how society and my family see me..and other women. As a Mom to a girl..I set the tone on how she sees herself and talks about herself. As a wife it's important to lose that negativity because it not only creates unneeded stress in a marriage..but also devalues all the things that Steve DOES see in me and how he feels about me.
5. and 6. not an issue for me
7. I gave that up years ago. I try to not criticize others because I am sure I have areas others can criticize me about. I may not always understand why people do what they do but that is for them to figure out and fix. My happiness cannot rely on others happiness. 
8. I don't think I ever truly felt a need to impress others. I've always been me and the people that I love and love me..love me for that. I want Kaya to know that she can be happy in her own skin and if others don't like it let them be uncomfortable. This is not a cookie cutter world. As a Mom I see so many other Moms stress about milestones, stress about what this group is doing or that group is doing, worried about "looking" a certain way...and it's an utter waste of time and energy! Your kid is not going to be like the neighbor kid and that's fine. If you spend your waking hours impressing others you will be wore out from being fake all the time. As for marriage..impressing others doesn't help your marriage. I'm lucky Steve is a "this is me..like it or stay away" type person and has no problems standing up for himself or his family.
9. I have resistance issues lmbo but only in the sense that when I step out of my norm I worry that I will fail. Then I realized that I cut off my legs before I ever start and set myself up for failure by worrying I will fail. Vicious cycle! I've been focusing on the fact that if I don't try to do a few things differently then I simply settle for things as is. I will be teaching Kaya to never venture out in a new direction and that change is bad. So I've been doing some things differently and trying new routes. Even thinking about going back to college and that is a HUGE fear of mine!! As a wife..failure to change can stagnate things quickly because both man and woman fall into a rut. Shaking things up sometimes is a good thing.
10. Have never been a label user! HATE labels to be honest. I hate when other Moms dictate what is a Mom. I hate when society says what a working Mom is, what a woman is, what a wife is. NOONE and I repeat NOONE is in your home, in your life and in your head 24/7 so noone has the right to tell you how you are. As a Mom I don't want Kaya labeling religious people as one thing, different races as this, different thoughts as weird, different lifestyles as shameful etc. I want her to realize it's not her place to label anyone and she should never allow herself to be labeled. I hate words that end in isms...like feminism,racism etc ..instead of mass labeling yourself why not just be the best you can be? As a wife you can't get too thick with labels or you will stress your marriage.If you allow yourself to label in your head what a man is, what a husband is...then you are creating a situation that forces your husband into something he may not be. And would you like it if he did that to you? Exactly.
11. I honestly have very little fears (besides the normal ones we all have) but one fear is taking that first step. So I'm working on that. I want Kaya to see that fears hold you back but you can use them to force you to be stronger. As a woman I think we all fear certain issues but we have to make ourselves do it or we will live a life thinking "Why didn't I " instead of "I did it".
12. I'm not a huge excuse person but I find on certain subjects (we'll use going to college) I can find excuses "I work" I have a kid, I will fail cause I'm tired, I won't give Kaya the time she needs" when in reality...it's none of those things that is my excuse..it's simply being afraid to leap. As a Mom I don't like when Kaya makes excuses for her behavior so why should I allow myself to do it? And I wouldn't want Steve to make an excuse for what he does etc.
13. I had an awesome childhood. I'm very lucky. But if I hold onto any bad things from the past (we weren't the Waltons lol ) then it can ruin my present and my future. In parenting, marriage and life you have to realize challenges and rough spots in the past gave you the character you have now..and move on.
14. To be honest I don't have materialistic attachment to things....and I sure am not giving up family lmbo so we will strike this one from everyone's get happy list LOL
15.I can admit I use to worry that how I led my life would upset others. That my grandparents/parents would frown on say me and Steve living together even though we were engaged. I worried that if I didn't do things a certain way I'd hurt others. So much to a point that  I started to feel like the things I did for others was expected and it hurt. Then I realized it was ME that allowed what others MIGHT think or expect out of me to take precedent over my own feelings. Since those days I've found that I can do as I please and it only involves me, my husband and my daughter. I only have them to answer to on decisions that would affect our family...and I've learned to let others think what they want. As a Mom I don't want Kaya thinking that she has to live life just one way or she's not loved. As a wife it is hurtful to my husband to think we can't do what we want if it would upset someone else. So we live our life for us. I'm lucky that meddling family members have been put in their place and either they got mad or they kept their nose in their own business. My grandparents didn't freak out like I thought they would. And my Mom has always said "I loved you the second I knew I was pregnant. I loved you the second I held you. I may not always agree but you'll have my love forever no matter what"...and I want that motto to be my life with Kaya as well :)
   Soooo maybe I'm not batting 100% on every single little item..but..we are happy. We live in the state of mind that today is today. If it rains it's a bad day. Not a bad week, not a bad life. We are genuinely happy. I'm blessed to have my daughter..such a large chunk of my heart walking about! I'm lucky to have my husband..a man that is always my rock,my shoulder, my hero. Our home is not huge..but it's HOME. Being happy is wanting what you have not having what you want. It's sitting on the porch swing with a glass of sweet tea, my legs propped across Steve's lap, grubby from working in the garden and laughing at Kaya jumping on the trampoline. It's going to work even on hard days because I know it's the way it is and that I am a vital part of this family. It's treating my coworkers nice because it's not their fault Steve had a bad shot night and we got very little rest. It's being thankful for the awesome coworkers I have and how much they care/love my family. It's having family and marrying into a family I truly love...and even though we are not alike..we just love each other and move on. It's accepting that I cannot allow others emotions rule mine..and I'm not apologizing anymore for being happy, having a good life, having a good husband etc. It's realizing that happiness is not one size fits all. My happiness may not be your happiness. It's realizing some days life truly does pee in your cereal..but you get over it. I hope everyone reaches that mental state of happiness.