Just thinking....

"If you judge people,you have no time to love them" Mother Teresa

   The above quote is one I try to always keep in mind. Humans err and I'm no different. I've judged when I shouldn't but I try hard to not make it a habit. One because it really speaks volumes about the judger more than it does the judged, in my opinion.
  I don't really see life in black and white because there are many, many shades of gray tossed in. I've often found myself repeating "Not all folks are raised the same" in my mind. 
 I don't find myself scared and nervous because of someone's skin color, I don't think other cultures are "weird",I've been on both sides of poor and not completely poor lol, I could care less about someone's sexual preference and I don't think people should judge,ridicule or separate themselves from others simply because of religious or political views. I've also learned that you are not going to change someone set in their ways or that feels they are "right" in how they do things.
  I've struggled off and on with feelings that my little family is invisible on a certain level and it's bothered me. One that we are treated that way and Two because I ALLOWED it to bother me. I'm the type that usually lets stuff roll off my back and go on my way. But some things in the last year or so has stuck at me. I have tried and tried to untether the deal from my heart but after a few weeks/months it would find it's way back. Usually around get together times etc when I feel like we are left out.
  Then in the last week or so, basically since Steve's relapse, I've realized it's ME feeling left out not THEM caring if I'm left out. I've judged some people based on how I think life should be and maybe that is unfair. I've never understood why some folk do things the way they do, but they do it anyway. Maybe they look at us and wonder why we do things the way we do.Do I love them less...no. But I've got to let that whole deal go and move on. I'm never going to make them want to have get togethers, want to be involved with my kiddo. I'm never going to make them pick the phone up and check on Steve or see if we need anything. It's just not their style.
   So I've decided to let sleeping dogs lie. I've tried, I've been fair and I've been involved. It hurts that some of them have only seen Kaya 5 times in the last year and a half (two of those times were for barely 15 mins!!) but I have to say it's their loss. Kaya is growing and changing daily and nothing is going to stop the clock of time. I hate that she has forgotten names of family members because they don't speak TO her but I'm no longer smoothing things over to make them feel better.
  When it comes to Steve it is what it is. I know both sides love him dearly and both sides have lots on their plates. I'm no longer worrying about how they would feel if something happened and they've not taken the time to call him, speak to him or check on him...I'm only focusing on us.
  I can't fix everything for everyone and keep everyone happy at the expense that I'm upset. I just have to continue to be me, treat others how I want to be treated and enjoy life. Maybe at times it's hard on some to just realize we are HAPPY no matter what because we see the big picture. Maybe they are struggling to find their happy and it's hard on them to see us happy or they think we don't understand. Which isn't true. Our life isn't smooth sailing every day, without worry or stress....we just try hard to make it work and find the happy.
  My brother has always said holding in anger and bitterness hurts you...but does nothing to the person your mad at. You either talk to them about what is wrong and both sides work on it (which I have numerous times to only be ignored, gave excuses or talked about behind my back) or you work on yourself and leave the other person to work on themselves. So that is what I am doing.