Very hard..

   Had a long talk with a work buddy today and I've fought back tears all day. Read over her court papers with her and just listened to her. I cannot fathom why people hurt each other so badly, hurt their kid. Unfortunately I've also seen in with some family members in the case of divorces and I just don't get it.
  Divorces are hard. On the adults, on extended family, on children. But I sat there listening to the raw hurt in her voice, her eyes fighting back tears..and that fright in her eyes..killed me. She's a hardworking woman who deeply loves her child. Her ex has pushed her left and right trying to control the situation and was using the grounds of needing more time with his child to take her to court, again. Then when he thought he had her against the wall the truth came out..he didn't want more time with his child he was willing to forgo any extra time with his child if she would simply erase all the money he owed to her, erase the medical bills he was responsible for and let them significantly drop his child support!  In black and white he was putting a value on his child. The same child he has allowed to be abused, the same child he's ignored all his activites, the same child that he "forgets" to feed, to bathe when it's his weekend. My heart was breaking because I had seen that look many years ago in my very close family member when dealing with her ex husband.
  It's easy to sit back and say what you would do, how you would feel...but you are not in their shoes. Silently I was thankful to have a loyal, good husband and the stability my child needed. I also thought how much strength this woman must have to keep her emotions hid and her feelings hid from her child. Here I have a man that ever single night kisses our daughter on the cheek good night. That cried the nights he had to be in the hospital because he had never been away from his daughter overnight...that called her every night on the phone and she played in his room every day, often curled up on his lap in his bed watching tv. How many wonderful things that I've taken for granted over the last five years...that so many woman deserve and need!!!
  How can anyone , man or woman (and I use man in this blog only because it's her ex...we have some men in our family that are dealing with some awful women..so women can suck at parenting just like men!!) create a child.. their flesh and blood...and deny that child? How can you actually sit down and let a lawyer create a spread sheet that tells you as the Dad that you should get a 10 discount simply because you have that child 2 days every other weekend and you should get the bonus of less child support ..and not feel that you are prorating your parenting? That Mom doesn't get a discount for having the child the other 13 days! How can you look a judge in the face and say "That's my son. I'll give up the extra time I requested if I can get out of my share of his ER bill"?
  How does the Mother of that child keep the strength to try to be positive with her child? My cousin did it for over 10 yrs till her children became teens and realized their Dad was...a donor only. Then once your child realizes it how to you mend that heart, how do you stop those tears?
   It has been on my mind since our talk. I cannot imagine packing my child's bag and sending her away every other weekend. And I admire parents that do have to do that and keep their strength...and the parents that work it out so the child is well loved everywhere! I cannot imagine sitting home on Saturday night worrying that my child may be getting hurt or not fed...and the court saying if I keep her home I might be in contempt! I cannot imagine constantly being monitored by an ex thug of a husband that tries every day to catch you in a mistake or bends something as simple as your child climbing in bed with you into something immoral and disgusting.
  As I stated my heart breaks for her. When you find out you are pregnant no matter the circumstances you feel excited. Then when you feel that baby move for the first time..your heart skips a beat. During labor you gather your strength because YOU are bringing forth a new life and already the Mamma bear is in action. The second you hear that small cry....your life is never the same. Your heart grows tremendously, your love knows no boundaries and your defense is always going to be for your child.
  You can put a booboo on a cut. You can give your little one a cookie to cheer them up on a rough day. You can tell your child that there is no boogie man under their bed. But what do you do when the true monster in your child's life..is their father (or mother)?