Things

  I have been trying hard to stick to my personal goal of not worrying if it's not in our house. That I can love people but not fix them. Love them and know they love us but let them live their own life..and if their path crosses ours later great..if not their loss. Not letting others drama come into my marriage or our house. It's been going pretty well..but I've had my bumps and stumbles.
   Not long ago I stood up for someone that I love alot and it bit me in the butt a little bit. At the same time I stood up for what I felt was right and have got a mild cold shoulder from some over it. But I thought hard on it and decided that I wouldn't apologize because I feel that I did what was right for my soul. That if I had lied or been mean then I should apologize but I was not being that way and the people that it affected..well the truth hurt them and for that I'm' not sorry.
   So that has been one bump and lesson on learning to let it go. That the people involved can figure out why they are upset and either fix it or get over it.
  Another bump has been dealing with an issue of Kaya not being included in things and generally treated as either an afterthought or ignored. It has been digging at me..in that way it digs at a Mom. It hurt, it angered me and it made me upset. My Mom and my brother is the main force of love in Kaya's life besides us. At first it bothered me that they took up the slack for so many till they told me "It's not tough. Who cares. If others choose to not be there then we get even more time to be there". So I'm letting alot go but I wish adults would realize their mindless little jabs, spending extra time/attention on certain ones only because their parent(s) are less than great, and never asking for our child to be involved/to have special days etc may not hurt her now but will hurt them in the long run. As long Kaya is the star in OUR sky that's all that matters.
   We have also been dealing with the issue that Steve has MS and all those folks that was so concerned, so there, seem to have drifted away. Not that I expect them stuck to us like glue but once in awhile a caring gesture would mean alot. One of our "reliable sources" has very obviously proved they are not reliable and you can just mention shot and they are gone. Another one has to "work us in" and we just don't have time to cater to them in that manner. It seems like once the newness wore off we are trudging our own path..we deal with the side effects, Mom and my brother help watch Kaya when there's dr appts, we juggle around apts to be on days that I can work straight shifts and either take Kaya with us or work apts so my brother or Mom can  help out. I listened to my husband being lectured about what he NEEDED to do by so many that I finally  said "enough!!" and explained to them that they may mean well but it drags Steve's morale down to never be praised but constantly told to do more etc. I also explained to them that it was grating me to always hear how MS was affecting them, how bad they felt for Steve, how stressed it made them blahblahblah and told them that it is STEVE who lives through it and deals with it and it is ME as his wife that deals with it in another way they ever imagined!  So needless to say it didn't go over well but they can absorb it and get over it. We've learned to lean on ourselves, love others but focus on our family and our happiness.
   I don't think people always realize what we deal with. The MS deal, other situations, having to decide soon on whether we want another child, just different things that add up that some families take for granted. We deal with a timeline that in the winter (between the shot etc) Steve freezes but in the dead of summer he cannot take the heat till late in the evening. I work full time, help at home, garden, bake etc and at times it's solely on my shoulders not by Steve's choice but because that is life. But I don't sit and gripe I count my blessings and move on!!
   Sooo to end on a positive note I've decided some people that we love, their path in life doesn't run with ours. At some point it may merge with ours but..it may never. And that is fine. That is their choice. Kaya won't suffer, we won't croak but in the end they will realize what they missed out on. Time can't be wasted feeling bad over someone that is not feeling bad over us or missing us.